Thanks for the support, but gotta be honest I've mainly just been taking in all the advice I can and applying it, as strange as some of seemed at first...because the people here seem to know what they're talking about. And so far that's been a good move on my part, because I'm still in control of the situation, trying to work on myself as much as I can, she hasn't set fire to me yet, and is now beginning to calm down and listen to (some) reason. I guess either the reality of my situation is just pretty common around here, or people nailed the circumstances right away and gave good insight. Were I left to my own devices over the last six weeks, I'd probably be in a ditch somewhere eating corned beef hash out of a can.
Yeah, it's almost a travesty that so many people are familiar with the ins and outs of infidelity/divorce these days. I wish that I would have had these forums during my turbulent times. There are some good people here, including yourself, that may even help my freind. You're definitly not alone in your journey. You do seem to get alot of speculation on every detail that you post. Take it with a grain of salt. Everyone is on your side. Having been through this quite a few years ago, I can say that things have a way of coming full circle. This may turn out much differently than you imagine. Hang in there!
Here we go, let it begin. Nothing big, just now my STBXW is becoming very proactive about moving things forward, has already listed the house (against my wishes, as I want to look at alternative options to sale) and wants me to sign the realtor agreement (my attorney said he will talk to me this afternoon and not to sign anything before we do that). She is also asking me to get more of my stuff from the house so it will show better, wants input on fixing up the house for sale, etc...all basic stuff.
But the reality is (and why I'm posting this) I realize I now am having to start dealing with some of the larger decisions in the process (financial and legal) on a daily basis, and she seems to be pressing the gas pedal. I am very busy with work this weekend, so I guess the stress is creeping on me a little, but I'm handling it okay. Staying all business, and running anything involving a signature by my lawyer. Not agreeing to do things that are ridiculous (she asked if I'd help paint the basement this weekend...told her I would rather she hire someone...she agreed), but am trying to act in a reasonable manner to reasonable requests, in a "somewhat" timely manner, as that's what I'm asking her to do.
I'm not going to let her control the tempo and make my life more hectic than it already is (within reason), so I fear some pushback moments that may set us back on the civil front, since she'll be angry that she's not getting her way again. But on the upside, moving forward is what I want, so I should be glad she's getting the ball rolling and not trying to drag her feet. I guess it's just because I don't have time to deal with it this weekend, and she's all in a hurry. She can wait.
We shall see if the civility remains in the equation. Here's hoping.
We shall see if the civility remains in the equation. Here's hoping.
Well, hopefully, civility will rule during the whole process. You don't have kids, though, right? So even if she isn't civil, you can rest in the fact that you will be done with her pretty soon. Lots of us, on the otherhand, have to deal with our x's forever in regards to the kids. You will be able to start completely fresh and not have to deal with her once the divorce is final.
HTN, that's very true. And I'm thankful for that...just saying the veil is lifting and it's time to do the real world stuff that no one likes to do. I'll handle it. Posted via Mobile Device
Here we go, let it begin. Nothing big, just now my STBXW is becoming very proactive about moving things forward, has already listed the house (against my wishes, as I want to look at alternative options to sale) and wants me to sign the realtor agreement (my attorney said he will talk to me this afternoon and not to sign anything before we do that). She is also asking me to get more of my stuff from the house so it will show better, wants input on fixing up the house for sale, etc...all basic stuff.
But the reality is (and why I'm posting this) I realize I now am having to start dealing with some of the larger decisions in the process (financial and legal) on a daily basis, and she seems to be pressing the gas pedal. I am very busy with work this weekend, so I guess the stress is creeping on me a little, but I'm handling it okay. Staying all business, and running anything involving a signature by my lawyer. Not agreeing to do things that are ridiculous (she asked if I'd help paint the basement this weekend...told her I would rather she hire someone...she agreed), but am trying to act in a reasonable manner to reasonable requests, in a "somewhat" timely manner, as that's what I'm asking her to do.
I'm not going to let her control the tempo and make my life more hectic than it already is (within reason), so I fear some pushback moments that may set us back on the civil front, since she'll be angry that she's not getting her way again. But on the upside, moving forward is what I want, so I should be glad she's getting the ball rolling and not trying to drag her feet. I guess it's just because I don't have time to deal with it this weekend, and she's all in a hurry. She can wait.
We shall see if the civility remains in the equation. Here's hoping.
She's sure good at keeping herself in 'top of mind awareness'. What a PITA! You're doing great. Posted via Mobile Device
Well, sham, you've handled the most devastating aspects of this whole sorry episode like a pro, so these new demands should be childsplay to you.
Hmmm...she agreed to hire someone for the painting real quick. Perhaps she's hoping for a young stud who works with his shirt off?
Send a 60-year-old hag named Olga or Bertha with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth to do it!
W emails from iPad today saying Help, can't move, back killing me. Think I had a seizure. Can't get to phone. Please come.
I replied You want an ambulance? She said No. I told her I'd come over.
She is epileptic, but hasn't had a seizure in 15 years. With no phone I had to go. She did have a seizure and fell down the basement stairs, blood all in her hair and on the floor. Was able to get her to a couch, and can't convince her to go to the hospital. They will give her pain meds and tell her to rest, she says. I helped get a few things in front of her, like water, Aleve, some food and her phone.
We've talked about random things, it's been pleasant, though I have no intention of staying the rest of the day and night to wait on her.
Control play? Doubt it. Test to see if i care if she lives or dies? Maybe. But I felt it was right. First time we've spoken in person since I left. In the interest of civility, I think it was good, and tbh I do care if she lives or dies, I just don't care to be her buddy or stay married to her. She's gonna try to get a gf to help her tonight, maybe stay with her.
She looks like hell, but blood will do that. Odd day. Still there right now, have to leave to get work done soon. Posted via Mobile Device
No idea what to make of it. She could have mailed any number of people including the OM.
Clean her up, be charitable in your deeds today but when you leave , carry on focusing on you. Genuine remorse is not something I see coming from your wife.
No idea what to make of it. She could have mailed any number of people including the OM.
Clean her up, be charitable in your deeds today but when you leave , carry on focusing on you. Genuine remorse is not something I see coming from your wife.
She could have emailed many people, but I'm the only one with keys to get in the house. Posted via Mobile Device
She could have emailed many people, but I'm the only one with keys to get in the house. Posted via Mobile Device
Classy move on your part. Keep email from her, my small fear is 'Sham pushed me down the stairs'.
Very small fear as she'd have nothing to gain but revenge, but just keep butt covered.
Again, classy move by you, but she needs to figure things out as to who will look after her and perhaps give a neighbor or one of the infidelity supporter friends a key for such emergencies.
That said, I'm sorry she fell. Posted via Mobile Device
Wow Sham! This is a crazy turn of events, and I am glad that she was not hurt any worse than she was. No matter what she has done, no one wishes injury or illness on anyone.
She could have called anyone, her gf, neighbors, parents, police etc. etc. When the chips were down and she was in trouble she called Shamwow. You are a good man and she knows it, kudos to you for administering emergency care.
Ole 16 miles has been wrong many times before and I will be wrong many times in the future, but I am still sticking to my original prediction. She will show remorse and sadness and is coming out of the fog. The fantasy train has pulled into the station; there are no more fantasy stops for her to make. Reality has arrived big time!
You are still her man, just tread very, very careful Sham! Her past has shown great love as well as great trickery!
She could have emailed many people, but I'm the only one with keys to get in the house. Posted via Mobile Device
Unless she has keys to your place too, out of respect for her privacy and for your own safety, you shouldn't have keys to her private home. Yes still half yours, but her private living area. Posted via Mobile Device
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Re: Go time...and time to go. Sucks... 
