"Dad" Madden here for the play by play highlight analysis:
W emails from iPad today saying Help, can't move, back killing me. Think I had a seizure. Can't get to phone. Please come.
I replied You want an ambulance? She said No. I told her I'd come over.
She is epileptic, but hasn't had a seizure in 15 years. With no phone I had to go. She did have a seizure and fell down the basement stairs, blood all in her hair and on the floor. Was able to get her to a couch, and can't convince her to go to the hospital. They will give her pain meds and tell her to rest, she says. I helped get a few things in front of her, like water, Aleve, some food and her phone.
We've talked about random things, it's been pleasant, though I have no intention of staying the rest of the day and night to wait on her.
Control play? Doubt it. Test to see if i care if she lives or dies? Maybe. But I felt it was right. First time we've spoken in person since I left. In the interest of civility, I think it was good, and tbh I do care if she lives or dies, I just don't care to be her buddy or stay married to her. She's gonna try to get a gf to help her tonight, maybe stay with her.
She looks like hell, but blood will do that. Odd day. Still there right now, have to leave to get work done soon.
Exhibit 1 - An emergency where the perpetrator has a fall due to a seizure. Interesting that no phone was in range to call 911, yet an Ipad with email was within range of the perpetrator whereas an email could be written to Sham. Hmm. Coincidental? Possibly.
She could have emailed many people, but I'm the only one with keys to get in the house.
Things that make you say "Hmmmmm...."
I admit that I had wondered on the way over "is this what it seems on the surface?" When I pulled up I looked around for cars of friends that I might recognize, I regretted that I hadn't brought a VAR, etc. Hell, I even looked out the window a few times to make sure someone wasn't taking my car once I went inside. But I honestly was not expecting an ambush here. Just keeping my eyes open.
But once I saw her I knew she just needed help and as much as I have no reason to be nice to her, this was not a matter of nice. Just not the type of person to respond to a message like that by saying "Ambulance on the way. Good luck." I'm no saint, but I do care enough to help her in a serious situation.
Even though I was in full-on Mk II mode, I felt relief that we could be in the same room and be at ease. Not at ease over the affair and lying, cuz damn...but at ease over the reality of me being gone setting in, and knowing that it's at least possible (only saying possible here guys) to end this on a less sour note.
Helping her up on the couch, and then cleaning/disinfecting the wound on the back of her head required me to make contact, touch her hair and act in a caring way. It was hard. But it was also natural, prob because the craziness was taken out of the equation, given the circumstances...and let's be honest, I'm used to taking care of her when she needed it. Kinda like neighbors fighting on opposite sides of the Civil War, helping the other when injured.
I'm sorry it had to be over an injury, but I can't think of a more natural way to make contact for the first time after such a horrific period (instead of getting together to pore over debts and argue about affair expenses being reimbursed to me, etc). So I'm thankful for that.
And no worries folks, I'm not going soft. I have been expecting face to face contact for a week or two now in some capacity. She has still shown no remorse or even mentioned what she did to me and our marriage, and whether or not it may have been a bad thing. Today she thanked me many times for helping her and taking care of her. I said "you're welcome" once, the rest of them I either nodded or changed the subject. She apologized for keeping me from my work (to which I said "I'll be fine"). She even asked if I'd like to stay for some pizza that she had ordered while I was there (I got the door when it came, as she was couch-bound). I said no thanks, I have to get back. Without any kind of actual apology for the bunker buster she dropped on our marriage, I can't be gotten to...won't let that happen.
Exhibit #2- Damsel in Distress move. Where have I seen this movie?
Sidebar: I think if Sham had stayed, there may have been a convo about the affair - if Sham had pushed it. Let me explain why I think this with the next few comments:
I believe she wanted you to check on her and DB McGee. The fact you didn't will be perplexing to her.
One more thing...while there I asked to use her laptop to look up a few things about the head wound (make sure I cleaned it right, as I am no MD). She said sure. I asked for the password. She gave it. And there I was sitting in the chair across the room from her, with the screen facing away from her, and her not being able to move.
I could have scanned emails, I could've grabbed the most recent backup text log and emailed it to myself, whatever. I thought about it, but I didn't do it. I looked up what I said I was going to look up and then set the laptop back down on the table.
Can only look at that as a good thing....let's hear it for 180.
Way to go Sham Mk II!
Exhibit #3 - "Feigned transparency" - Without so much as saying it, she was giving sham the opportunity here to check on her and DB McGee - good on Sham - he didn't look and give her any indication that he cared anymore (WOW Sham! WOW!)
She did say she has not been taking her meds regularly lately. Perhaps due to stress/depression/not giving a crap? Not sure, but she took one while I was there. She always takes that pill like clockwork at night before bed. But as you know, I can't speak for the last month, as I've been gone. Assuming it was definitely a seizure (I wasn't there when it happened, so I can only go by what I saw at the house and how she was acting) she clearly needs to be taking them daily. Alcohol may have been a factor though. She could have been really over the edge and fallen down the stairs with the same result. Either way, she was hurt pretty bad. Guess it doesn't matter, as far as my involvement today.
Also, she just texted me 10 hrs later "Thanks again for helping me"
Between that and the email I don't think I have to worry about her fabricating a story about why I was at the house, and what happened.
Exhibit #4 - Motive.
Judge: I move that Ms. Shamwow is attempting an R with apparent rugsweeping.
Objection! She is trying to frame Shamwow and get his rear-end thrown in jail!
Overruled - She has the motive and opportunity to R with Sham - using relationship familiarity to affect Sham Mk II's new mental shielding and reign Mr. Sham back in with more or less NO accountability other than the feigned transparency.
Sham - You performed well today. Good job.
My honest assessment here? While u aren't going R soon, I suspect she will keep these interactions up in an attempt to reign your feelings back to her, possibly without an accounting for her actions. I think the opportunity to discuss the infidelity was present today, yet may have been punctuated by scattered showers of fog and trickle truth.
Steel yourself. You one the day, but she knows how to press your buttons. Not saying her fall was intentional, yet I've fallen on stairs / my head lots of times and I didn't split my scalp open.
Ever wonder why she didn't want an ambulance / doctor? A trained professional could've verified if said injury was self-inflicted or not.
Head injuries are ALWAYS really bloody when they happen, but at the same time if a nasty spill REALLY happened, she really should have full concussion workup done as brain bleeds can happen when a person doesn't realize it.
I'm sure you can research ways to give yourself a relatively painless - but bloody head injury that is non-life threatening to elicit sympathy.
Just consider this in your future dealings with her and you may have to have a "cut the bullcrap" session if u r serious about the D.
Bravo though, definitely Alpha control today. Don't let her bring out the Beta too much though. She doesn't respect that part of you as much....