i'd contact the couple that were involved when you got the lasst of your stuff. You were both there that day with them. They know what's going on in the relationship.
It would paint you in a good, caring light to them as well as possibly give you a fall back position if things turn for the worse.
Q~
Contact them to check on her while she's hurt, or to ask about what h is going on in her head? Don't really wanna open myself up to being the guy asking what's up. And I'm not supposed to care anyway, as I'm 180 man and put that vibe out there in any social situation (as well as when I'm alone, but clearly that part is easier said than done). She's been texting random normal "nice" things today, as if I'm her buddy. Trying not to respond, but after opening communication I don't want to just go dark again. Pick my battles, I guess. Just feeling weaker at the moment and don't want to do anything stupid. Posted via Mobile Device
Sham....
NOT WEAKER.......you did a human thing. You can just ignore her and go dark as you say and you certainly can be a buddy to her. Your going to have to let her know that you were glad you could be their for her during her emergency - but that you can't for both your sakes be her buddy...tell her to communicate only on financial and legal matters. Posted via Mobile Device
Contact them to check on her while she's hurt, or to ask about what h is going on in her head? Don't really wanna open myself up to being the guy asking what's up. And I'm not supposed to care anyway, as I'm 180 man and put that vibe out there in any social situation (as well as when I'm alone, but clearly that part is easier said than done). She's been texting random normal "nice" things today, as if I'm her buddy. Trying not to respond, but after opening communication I don't want to just go dark again. Pick my battles, I guess. Just feeling weaker at the moment and don't want to do anything stupid. Posted via Mobile Device
I might be off the mark here but I don't think she has a chance to hex you now. LOL String her along and see where she goes with this. I'm pretty sure you can always go dark again if she becomes witchy.
You're the quarterback now and you're running this show.
Sham based on recent events, I think your wife is in phychological pain and that is driving much of what she is saying and doing. She appears to be alone now, the friends who were egging her on are no longer there, the DB OM has bailed and she has been dropped out of the clouds.
From what you describe of her upbringing, caring personality and the lovung marriage you had, her involvement in this affair really puzzles me. I can only think that being away from you and having to make the adjustments in her personality to succeed in a job that may have been a difficult adjustment for her.
The drinking now and during travel may have been a type of medicating herself to manage the demands of her job. I don't understand cheaters or what happens to them psychologically and I don't understand how a person can love and hurt the person they love. However, I am assuming it does happen. The talk about leaving you may have been a fantasy persona that helped her to continue to travel and be successful.
In my heart of hearts I think you should use your knowing to decide what you want to do. Trust yourself, you are a good man and you don't need artificial tentents and rules to go by. You know what you should do. All of these poster will not be with you a year from now and you will have to rely on yourself and your resources. From what I see, you have reserves of character and strength that are uncommon.
I think you will be able to work through what you and your wife should do. I also think that you can guild her to have faith in herself and to accept the good in her life. It would be a gift to a person you have known for a long time and that you love. Not many men would have the stregth of character to do it but that is where they are.
This may seem unconnected but it is like the rebuilding of Japan after the war. We did what was probably unthinkable but the rewards have been second to none. Like power the US aquired through the challenge WW 2, You are at a point where you have finally allowed the lion within you to awake. If you approach your wife with the gift of R, you will come from a place of strength not weakness that was you approach before. I wish you and your wife the very best and hope you will trust yourself and your new found stregth. Posted via Mobile Device
I have a theory on why the STBXW is acting the way she is - its the 180 - seriously. She has seen more MAN from Sham than she probably ever remembered before (they seem to forget after the first year or two of marriage). Lets face it, I think men tend to get "domesticated" or betaized after the honeymoon. I have found the premise of Athol's MMSLP to be true, that a woman doesn't respect a man who gives his b*lls away.
A properly executed 180 (or game) will draw a disinterested partner that still has feelings back to the person doing the 180 (as Sham has). I actually believe now that if Sham stayed the same guy he was when she left for her last trip, I don't think any of these interactions after the affair would be taking place.
IMHO, Sham's wife's actions are pointing towards R, because of his 180, not in spite of it.
I think that if D is still in Sham's heart, he'll be in a similar boat as Morturi, who D'd his wife, although he still loved her, and even forgave her.
Sham based on recent events, I think your wife is in phychological pain and that is driving much of what she is saying and doing. She appears to be alone now, the friends who were egging her on are no longer there, the DB OM has bailed and she has been dropped out of the clouds.
From what you describe of her upbringing, caring personality and the lovung marriage you had, her involvement in this affair really puzzles me. I can only think that being away from you and having to make the adjustments in her personality to succeed in a job that may have been a difficult adjustment for her.
The drinking now and during travel may have been a type of medicating herself to manage the demands of her job. I don't understand cheaters or what happens to them psychologically and I don't understand how a person can love and hurt the person they love. However, I am assuming it does happen. The talk about leaving you may have been a fantasy persona that helped her to continue to travel and be successful.
In my heart of hearts I think you should use your knowing to decide what you want to do. Trust yourself, you are a good man and you don't need artificial tentents and rules to go by. You know what you should do. All of these poster will not be with you a year from now and you will have to rely on yourself and your resources. From what I see, you have reserves of character and strength that are uncommon.
I think you will be able to work through what you and your wife should do. I also think that you can guild her to have faith in herself and to accept the good in her life. It would be a gift to a person you have known for a long time and that you love. Not many men would have the stregth of character to do it but that is where they are.
This may seem unconnected but it is like the rebuilding of Japan after the war. We did what was probably unthinkable but the rewards have been second to none. Like power the US aquired through the challenge WW 2, You are at a point where you have finally allowed the lion within you to awake. If you approach your wife with the gift of R, you will come from a place of strength not weakness that was you approach before. I wish you and your wife the very best and hope you will trust yourself and your new found stregth. Posted via Mobile Device
Anything is possible, even R, but is it realistic? If R is extremely hard even in the ideal of situations, extremely remorseful DS(WS) willing to carry the heavy load of R, how much harder is it to R with a DS(WS) who is not only far from being remorseful but steadfastly refusing to do anything but rug sweep the affair?
Sham you must resist the temptation to fool yourself into seeing something that isn't actually there. Her actions, and not the speculations of others, are what you should use to judge your W's true motives.
Anything is possible, even R, but is it realistic? If R is extremely hard even in the ideal of situations, extremely remorseful DS(WS) willing to carry the heavy load of R, how much harder is it to R with a DS(WS) who is not only far from being remorseful but steadfastly refusing to do anything but rug sweep the affair?
Sham you must resist the temptation to fool yourself into seeing something that isn't actually there. Her actions, and not the speculations of others, are what you should use to judge your W's true motives.
I will resist the urge to create my own fantasy, reality has been my unfortunate friend lately...but it is not easy. I will also resist the temptation to sweep my own thoughts under the rug, as they are really all any of us has. She is in a vulnerable position and is playing nice. Red flag? Sure. I'm pretty good at seeing them these days. I'm gonna go with my gut and be myself (Mk II) and assume I can do no wrong as long as I stay confident. Posted via Mobile Device
Anything is possible, even R, but is it realistic? If R is extremely hard even in the ideal of situations, extremely remorseful DS(WS) willing to carry the heavy load of R, how much harder is it to R with a DS(WS) who is not only far from being remorseful but steadfastly refusing to do anything but rug sweep the affair?
Sham you must resist the temptation to fool yourself into seeing something that isn't actually there. Her actions, and not the speculations of others, are what you should use to judge your W's true motives.
Sham will not know this until they really start (if they ever do) communicating person to person. Texting and emailing simply can't be considered real communication since one can't read the emotions/truthfulness of the other person.
Anything is possible, even R, but is it realistic? If R is extremely hard even in the ideal of situations, extremely remorseful DS(WS) willing to carry the heavy load of R, how much harder is it to R with a DS(WS) who is not only far from being remorseful but steadfastly refusing to do anything but rug sweep the affair?
Sham you must resist the temptation to fool yourself into seeing something that isn't actually there. Her actions, and not the speculations of others, are what you should use to judge your W's true motives.
Contact them to check on her while she's hurt, or to ask about what h is going on in her head? Don't really wanna open myself up to being the guy asking what's up. And I'm not supposed to care anyway, as I'm 180 man and put that vibe out there in any social situation (as well as when I'm alone, but clearly that part is easier said than done). She's been texting random normal "nice" things today, as if I'm her buddy. Trying not to respond, but after opening communication I don't want to just go dark again. Pick my battles, I guess. Just feeling weaker at the moment and don't want to do anything stupid. Posted via Mobile Device
Already done. Talked with her gf today after she got back in town. She was already aware of the situation and is planning to take her to the doctor tomorrow. Posted via Mobile Device
She regrets what she has done in contrast to appearances, she is suffering for it and it will be for a long time. She gave up everything - a great guy and a faithful loving man for a cheater who cared nothing for her.
How prophetic Catherine's words were in light of your W's recent accident and how your actions to come to her aid vindicate them.
Classy and humane move Shamwow. Be cautious, but not paranoid, not everything is a power play, manipulation, or a conspiracy. And I'm usually the one looking for these things. Like Catherine and morturi are pointing out, she's basically putting on a brave front, that's all. It's just that everything isn't going according to plan like she thought it would. There's probably remorse there, but she's never going to show it to you. She's not going to file a police report, you already have the email asking for help, to back you up. Just don't forget the VAR next time.
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