Taking her gf out for happy hour in about an hour. (I asked her for this "date" in front of my W the other day when we were at the house). I thought that was a nice touch.
It's an "early bday present from me to her" (her bday is tomorrow). I'm sure she expects me to rake her for information. I won't be, though I may drop a few things I wouldn't mind getting back to my STBXW ("Well of course I miss my wife! Just not the person she's been the last few months...I had no choice but to move on"...maybe something about how it's too bad she can't face me over what she did,not sure, I'll play it by ear). Curious to see if she offers anything without my prompting. This is the girl that has been supportive of ME and our marriage since day one when my W started confiding in her about her doubts/the then budding affair, etc. The same one that sent me an email 2 days after I walked and went dark, to tell me how strong she thought it was for me to handle the situation the way I did...and that she had the utmost respect for my decision in those circumstances. That said, she's been there for my W the whole time too, so I'll be on my toes.
Anyway, who knows what she'll say, maybe nothing, but could be an interesting happy hour. No worries, I won't spill any of my guts that can harm my Mk II, as I can presume anything and everything I say will be relayed directly to W.
And I'll be looking sharp too. Posted via Mobile Device
You should drop a hint that you had a date "the other night", or "met someone interesting" or what have you. Pass on a dose of this new reality but say no more than that. Peoples imaginations are much more interesting anyways.
If she asks how you're doing tell her pretty good. New outlook on life, etc., but after 8 years of course you miss who your wife used to be.
Tell her you're resolved that the relationship is over, you only wish your wife would have shown the slightest remoarse over what she did to the marriage and to you.
But tell her you're looking forward, not back. And that you've taken this opportunity to re-engage the Sham you always knew you could be; and that you like what you're seeing from this Sham.
Then, be a good friend and ask a lot of questions about her. Don't let your failed marriage dominate the conversation; that will be even more powerful when it gets back to your wife that you didn't talk about it all that much at all.
Sham take this for what it is worth. I think she is squarely in your wife's camp. Women bond by talking about personal matters and spending time together. You description of the their friendship, indicates a close emotional bond.
It does not mean that she does not care about you, she does but she has bonded with your wife and her friendship with you is secondary.
I would carefully think about how you want to present yourself. I think you should share your plans to go forwards. A man with a plan and in command is very attractive.
She will be searching for info too so have your A game on. Don't get drunk!
Sometimes I have to laugh at the speculation thrown around on this thread, and then I remember how nutso your wife actually acted. Who knows what's possible. My hope for you is that she starts behaving like the woman you fell respected and adored - whether or not R is on the table. I will say reconciling with someone who betrayed you is the most challenging thing I've ever gone through. My mind changes every other minute some days...
Home, had a good time. Dadof3, yeah she's married. A harmless "date", just wanted to take her out and chat. I think my A game came through, in full effect. After some small talk and asking how her husband and kids are I started in by just telling her "I really want to say Thank You...I know you stood up for me and our marriage when W started coming to you with doubts a while back (I do, it's in the texts). It meant a lot, just wanted to tell you that." She seemed touched, and then started talking about it. I said a few things, she did most of the talking.
She thinks W has barely even started to process the feelings from all of this, that W isn't dealing with it well. She told me she thought I was handling this way better than W is, and I seem to be in good spirits in the midst of all this. She said W as complaining about this or that, money, blah blah about how I was running the show, and she asked W what she would've done if the situation were reversed, and W totally agreed that she'd have reacted just as hard (or harder) than I have. Got a nice laugh when I said "Totally, she'd have had me in some prison w/electrodes on my nads hooked up to a car battery this last six weeks." She also thinks W is kinda jealous of my weight loss and me looking good (W has gained about 10 lbs this month it appears).
Anyway, that was about 20 minutes or so and then we chatted about random stuff after that for a couple hours.
Cmon people let up he had one meeting and asked in front of his ex and more than likely she will tell her husband about what was said and what they talked about, and more than likley it will get back to his w. That was the goal. Now I wouldnt be surprised if he hears from her, either two things will happen her mood will change from good to worse, or she may try to win him back. We will see only time will tell. Keep up the good work Sham.
Certainly no worries on boundaries, folks. Just took a friend out for drinks and conversation. Me and her husband are very slose, there's no reason he would be concerned about me spending time alone with her in a public place. Actually, when my W was out of town so much over the last 10 months or so, my W asked her gf to take me out for happy hours once a week (didn't happen, but we got together a few times) to keep me from getting lonely. And her husband and I got together more, going for a jog or watching a ballgame, whatever.
Seriously no big deal.
Obviously, yes, I was looking for an opportunity to posture myself as far as stbxw knows. She knew I took her gf out today, she even asked me about it later. I know trust is hard to come by these days, but there's no reason to think W was suspicious of my time with her gf. I've known her from the day I met my W. If she was suspicious, so be it. If her husband had any reason to be, he'd tell me.
It was fun though, once things loosened up we pretended we were married to the server, kinda like Sandler and Barrymore in The Wedding Singer when they go to the flower shop. Just fun, that's all. And when she started to say something about "keeping my conversation with her between us, not a go-between to my W", etc, I just said "You can feel free to tell her whatever you want. I have no secrets from W, we're just talking here."
Of course, I want some of it to get back to W. I think I played it well, guys.
I saw my W later in the evening, she began to open up.