Halien

Had my nose broken twice in the younger years, but fighting was not optional in my dad's biker group. It was either face the other guy or face him if we backed down. Like you, I'm more comfortable at a desk in the work life, but I think you are doing a positive thing with boxing. It gives you a feeling of control over one of the more threatening aspects of your life. I really admire you for seeking to turn what happened into a launching point for growth, Sham.

chapparal

I'm not sure I wouldn't give the OMW a bit of a heads up and also give her your wife's number. It seems like everyone involved should have as strong a helping of the truth as you two have had. It's infuriating to know that D!rty Ba$tard is STILL feeding you're wife a line of bullsh!t.

The sooner she knows the real OM the better. He has really screwed over every one of you. Let him carry his own weight and lie in the bed he's made.

Shamwow

Well, I presume OMW knows my W's number, per the 20,000 texts on the cell bill each of the last three months. But I suppose I could offer. I need to contact her this week anyway, as I need to confirm that she doesn't need that lab sample anymore, as it'll be discarded after this week. Kinda don't want to contact her though, as I figure she would contact me if she wanted to talk about anything else in the meantime, don't want to bug her...already dropped a load of nukes for her to sort through, right? (she thanked me up and down for the call, but still a load of nukes)
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Shamwow

So, went for a total "guy afternoon" today. Watched the football game with one of my friends and a group of "his friends" that I've met but don't know really well. It was really fun, but it was a huge dose of single maleness, if that makes sense. Half the guys are married, the other half are hopelessly content bachelors, pushing 40 and acting like 18 year olds (video games, shooting each other in the junk with nerf dart guns, fart jokes, you get the picture). Not judging, it was fun, but clearly I'm going to have to reinvent some new friend circles that play like grownups too. (I tend to act like a teenager when I hang around my friends that I've known since those days too, so I totally get it)

Anyway, didn't plan to talk at all about my situation, though I'm sure a few of them knew, besides my friend that invited me. Then another guy showed up, who I know a little better than the others. I said hey, he said hey, then he said "sorry to hear about things, man." turns out he was at the volleyball party thing last Monday that my W went to. I think I hid it well, but I didn't like that outer circles of acquaintances know what's up. This marks the first person to give me their condolences, that I didn't presume already knew (or that I had talked to). Guess I have to get used to it and eventually it won't get to me.

He asked me a few questions and I kept it vague (while also stating my position in the leaving), said something like "well, you know man, there's only a few reasons to make a man leave, let's just say I had to leave." of course he understood what I meant. Feels weird to have to keep up damage control at this point, but I guess as long as I continue to play it cool and
not lay out the sob story, as well as look strong in my decision (and not look downtrodden about it), I'll come out on top in the respect department. Sad though. I'm a gossip topic now. Any pointers?

Also turns out he's been considering leaving his wife for a year and a half, they've been back and forth the whole time...but they have kids, and are taking things slow. Also, the cable guy that hooked up my tv and Internet today asked where I moved from. Told him across town...brief pause..."separated from my wife, needed to find a new home base." so HE tells me that he and his wife just split up in July, we swapped a few stories and made that unfortunate bond. I must really be in the grown up world if I now share in this most adult of unfortunate situations...good to know we're not alone, huh?
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tacoma

Yes, keep doing exactly what you`re doing.

I broke up with my last Ex (Before marriage) when we worked together.
She spent every spare second absolutely trashing me ( lousy in bed, tiny ****, *******, idiot...)
I never uttered a word about her or the break up to a single soul.

14 years later we still work together and most of the people who were around to hear her vitriol have come to me at one point or another to state that the way I handled myself during her ranting bull**** gave them a great deal of respect for me.

She still does it to a point to this day when my wife is at a company function or comes in to see me and I can see everyone else just roll their eyes like they can`t believe this idiot is still going on with this **** 14 years later.

Do exactly what you`ve been doing.

joe kidd

Just say thank you and change the subject. I found that some who approached me where just trying to glean more info. Nothing like someone else's problems huh?

chapparal

You might let her know that he's telling your wife that you are the one that broke her (OMW's) heart if you have to talk to her anyway. Give him all the credit he has coming to him.

Shamwow

Great advice. I will do this from now on.
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Shaggy

She (OMW) might appreciate hearing from you Sham, but maybe leaving you alone for the same reasons. You should reach out, the worst that can happen is she doesn't want to talk,

As for what to say, how about "I'm and old fashioned guy who just can't share his favorite toys with anyone. When I found it was being played with by someone else, I decided to move on and trade up instead of sharing it,"
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Dadof3

:rolleye s:

krismimo

HEY SHAM hope your ok been checking on here off and on, hope all is well and keep your head up.

Shamwow

All good, at least as can be expected, thanks.

Just had a nice email exchange with OMW. She asked a few more questions, and reiterated her thanks for me contacting her, as much as it hurt to hear the details.

So much for my STBXW's argument of how "vengeful" and "low" it was for me to contact and "hurt this poor woman". As many have pointed out, ummm...at least I didn't **** her husband. She said she had suspected for months and had felt she was crazy and imagining things...but my call made her realize she was right. Also mentioned if she had known she (my W) was married, she would have done what was necessary to contact me as well.

Thank god for a kindred spirit in mutual marital pain. I needed that, folks.

P.S. Had a 2 hour shiatsu massage today. Nice...Big work days tomorrow and Wed. I can feel good going in.

krismimo

Oh wow go SHAM! My other question is did she want the DNA sample from you and have you heard from you STBEW?

Shamwow

OMW is asking her attorney about the sample, though since she has a confession of the affair from OM it may be moot.

And my STBXW hasn't been in touch since shortly after she was served papers on Fri.

I know she's buying a used car now. So I guess she got paid, and her "money troubles" are over. Good. Didn't want to worry about her cable getting turned off...

krismimo

Hahahahahahhahahahahah