I agree, at the moment in my head, and what I'm posting here, I'm doing the lifting. What she knows is entirely different (unless my 180 has been a complete failure, which I would dispute).
I somehow put myself into a position of convincing her it's okay to tell me what's on her mind, with one or two statements a week ago...she has just now started trying. Certainly not "heavy" lifting, but lifting nonetheless. It's at least *something* from her, hence it got my attention, and it came from her, she started the conversation. I haven't been begging her for this (I've been ranting here and to my therapist, but she gets Danny Ocean from me), I told her once last week that of course the last few months have been totally ***ed, and if she wants to talk about what happened, she has my number.
So she called my number...and wanted to talk. I let her talk because that's what I'd told her I would do. I was surprised. Guess the momentary satisfaction dug into me more than I expected, and while I showed her a relaxing evening by paying attention to what she was saying, I didn't go any where stupid and start talking about the old days or what we can do to fix this. I just assured her I wanted to hear what she had to say.
Serial cheater? Yeah, her recent behavior is off the rails and it blows my mind. Whether she's done this for years, I just can't speculate. All I know is how our marriage *felt* until June. And if it hadn't been for gut feelings, I'd never have found this forum and figured out what was going on. So I'm just going with my gut that this is primarily a recent thing, at least as far as behavior...can't say what was going on in her mind earlier though. Maybe my gut isn't always right in the end, but so far by the odds, I'd say worth following.
Yesterday it said "Hey, she might be coming around"...today it says "Who the h*ll is this woman really?". Wonder about tomorrow.