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Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

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Old 09-14-2011, 05:38 PM   #91 (permalink)
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Default Re: Go time...and time to go. Sucks...

So - could that be construed to mean that (unless the paper ad has been placed by Sham or his STBXW) that his rent and utilities for his new apartment are also 50/50 shared with his STBXW too?

I totally know what you are saying - I think the purpose of my intent is to inform the STBXW that you have a backbone that is better than ever and that you aren't falling for her little helpless girl act, which may really be her trying to find an opening to talk to Sham....

Hmmmm........
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Old 09-14-2011, 05:48 PM   #92 (permalink)
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Default Re: Go time...and time to go. Sucks...

It has to work both ways. If you have to pay part of her expenses, then she must have to pay part of yours.

How much is your rent vs her house payment?

How much more comfortable is the house compared to your apartment?

If she provides you with her bills, you should provide her with yours!!!
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Old 09-14-2011, 06:05 PM   #93 (permalink)
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Default Re: Go time...and time to go. Sucks...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dadof3 View Post
So - could that be construed to mean that (unless the paper ad has been placed by Sham or his STBXW) that his rent and utilities for his new apartment are also 50/50 shared with his STBXW too?

I totally know what you are saying - I think the purpose of my intent is to inform the STBXW that you have a backbone that is better than ever and that you aren't falling for her little helpless girl act, which may really be her trying to find an opening to talk to Sham....

Hmmmm........
To complicated for me. I never heard of both spouses not being on the mortgage before. Interesting points. Does that mean Sham has to give wife key to apartment?

Up until now I was just worried she was going to try and "repo" his car.
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Old 09-14-2011, 06:16 PM   #94 (permalink)
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Default Re: Go time...and time to go. Sucks...

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Originally Posted by chapparal View Post
My understanding is that any debt made by a spouse during a marriage makes both husband and wife both responsible for that debt.
Even though you are not on the mortgage doesn't that make you liable? Check with lawyer so you are not blindsided when you discuss this. As a matter of fact if she incurs a debt now would not that make you liable?
Maybe the papers being served stops new debt.
Also, in our area people put an ad in the newspaper to state that they are no longer responsible for the spouses debts.
According to lawyer, I don't have to split the mortgage. The *house* is 50% my responsibility, as in losses or gains upon selling it, but the mortgage is not my problem, as it's in her name. She's not gonna like that...but I don't like the situation she created either, so what are you gonna do?

Last edited by Shamwow; 09-14-2011 at 06:32 PM.
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Old 09-14-2011, 06:35 PM   #95 (permalink)
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Default Re: Go time...and time to go. Sucks...

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To complicated for me. I never heard of both spouses not being on the mortgage before. Interesting points. Does that mean Sham has to give wife key to apartment?

Up until now I was just worried she was going to try and "repo" his car.
We were originally both on the mortgage, but refinanced about 5 years ago...I had been working for myself for a year at the time, and the bank required two years' income proof for self-employed people to be on the mortgage, didn't matter how much I made in that one year, they needed two. So we just put her name on.
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Old 09-14-2011, 06:59 PM   #96 (permalink)
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Default Re: Go time...and time to go. Sucks...

When they told you that you didn't have enough proof of income to get your name into the refi, you may have felt a little like a loser who made a mistake.

Now, how does it feel?
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Old 09-14-2011, 07:01 PM   #97 (permalink)
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Default Re: Go time...and time to go. Sucks...

Sham this may sound strange coming from me as all my input so far has been to burn the **** down, go dark, and **** her ...BUT... at this point you gotta know that you`re going to need some kind of face to face closure and even if not closure it would be good to give her the opportunity to show some remorse (I know probably unlikely).

There`s been enough time for her to stew in her own thoughts and maybe even come to some actual honesty with herself.
You`ll never know until there`s a face to face.

You know you still love her or love who she was and if by some miracle she actually began seeing reality and was the remorseful guilt ridden WW she should be even R isn`t an impossibility.

DO NOT even allow a moment of Shamwow 1.0 it`s all Shamwow 2.0 now.
Don`t be an ass, just calm, cool, CONFIDENT, and yes even mice if she allows it.

Give it a shot but it`s a ****ing minefield man..be careful.
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Old 09-14-2011, 07:05 PM   #98 (permalink)
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Default Re: Go time...and time to go. Sucks...

Just talked to W about bills. Kept it short, didn't get into any kind of arrangement or agree to anything. I did tell her that what we can't do is just add up all the bills and and each put 50% in a joint account, as 50% of the bills are not necessarily mine. And that I want to make it as easy as possible, but we won't come to a quick 5 minute solution by just cutting everything down the middle right now over the phone.

I told her I'd pay CCs in my name, she pays CCs in her name, the one CC that was joint until 2 weeks ago I'll pay half, as that debt is all mine too. She said "Well the credit cards have household stuff on them, groceries, gas, and stuff...why are those separate?" I told her that each of us had put those things on our own CCs, so those are each our own responsibility. She said, "Whatever. Fine."

Told her I'd be willing to pay half of the utilities this month, as I lived in the house for the period those bills were due for. Asked her to get them transferred over to her name, and that if I needed to call them to let me know.

I asked her to send me an email with the bills listed out, I'd look it over and get back to her with what I will do. She agreed.

At no point did she freak out, and I was George Clooney, as far as I'm concerned. I could tell she wanted to jump through the phone and strangle me though, could just sense the tension. Sucks talking about bills when you're *happily married*, let alone when you're divorcing and neither person wants to deal with the other on this stuff.

If this email interchange and temporary bill agreement goes amicably, then good. She'll have the short end of the stick, but if she can accept that without exploding and spewing venom at me then we'll handle it ourselves. If not, I'll tell her "I'm not going to argue about this, we're not enemies, this is not war, but if we can't agree to simple things like this we'll have to let our attorneys handle it, and that will just add expenses for both of us."
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Old 09-14-2011, 07:10 PM   #99 (permalink)
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Default Re: Go time...and time to go. Sucks...

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When they told you that you didn't have enough proof of income to get your name into the refi, you may have felt a little like a loser who made a mistake.

Now, how does it feel?
I totally had that feeling at the time. I even asked if I could have my name put back on it after another year had passed...they said sure, if we refi'd again.

Now...I wouldn't say it feels "good"...does feel a little dirty to me, as the fact of the matter is that it's our house, always has been. Lawyers can easily say "not your problem, don't pay it." I'm not a lawyer. So it's a little harder to be hard on stuff like that.

But I did just handle the phone call with her well. Didn't *ask* her anything, just calmly told her how things are going to generally work. And she could only say "Fine. Okay." Even though I could tell she was pissed that I didn't just call and make it easy for her..."Soooo...what's the total? 8 grand? Great! I'll put 4k over to the joint right now, thanks for mailing out the checks honey! Happy Hump Day!"
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Old 09-14-2011, 07:12 PM   #100 (permalink)
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Default Re: Go time...and time to go. Sucks...

Just got email from her...not bad at all as far as the bills I agreed to split. She also said "We also have mortgage bills, but I do not think we should pay them as of now.

If you get to walk away from this house then so am I. It can just rot. I bet you love that your name is not on the house! Bravo, you win."
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Old 09-14-2011, 07:21 PM   #101 (permalink)
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Default Re: Go time...and time to go. Sucks...

She just couldn't resist to add that little bit of drama at the end, could she?

They say that the opposite of love is indifference, I don't know about her Sham but I could stand to lose a dollar or two saying that she misses the Old Sham and that her macho attitude is nothing more that a facade.
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Old 09-14-2011, 07:21 PM   #102 (permalink)
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Default Re: Go time...and time to go. Sucks...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shamwow View Post
Just got email from her...not bad at all as far as the bills I agreed to split. She also said "We also have mortgage bills, but I do not think we should pay them as of now.

If you get to walk away from this house then so am I. It can just rot. I bet you love that your name is not on the house! Bravo, you win."
You win huh? Like all this was some part of a Machiavellian plan to ditch the house?
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Old 09-14-2011, 07:27 PM   #103 (permalink)
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Default Re: Go time...and time to go. Sucks...

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You win huh? Like all this was some part of a Machiavellian plan to ditch the house?
typical cheater script- Sham made her cheat so she would get screwed on the house!!
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Old 09-14-2011, 07:45 PM   #104 (permalink)
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Default Re: Go time...and time to go. Sucks...

Agreed...yeah, really feel like I've "won" in life at the moment.
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Old 09-14-2011, 08:03 PM   #105 (permalink)
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Default Re: Go time...and time to go. Sucks...

Good job sham!
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