Catherine - Agree with you completely. She knows exactly what my situation is, and I am not going for notches, I'm enjoying my time with a beautiful girl who likes spending time with me. No worries, I'm not approaching this from a player perspective. I'm acutely aware of my position of power to hurt someone new...especially in a rebound situation. So I'm treading carefully, but also really having fun getting out there. Though I do have friends that seem to say I should be making the rounds...they're just pointing out the option. I know who I am though (though who knows what options will be in front of me going forward - I'm trying to be a blank slate. If I meet a no-strings notcher, who knows?). Thanks for your thoughts...
Edit: Meantime, I am still married, so that grounds me in the dating world...though the clock is ticking. Just got the revised draft of the D papers and am sending over to W for her review. She could drag it out and argue over things now, or I could be single in two days. Who knows?
When I was in the phase of the situation you are in now, I did almost exactly what it sounds like you are doing. I started dating mostly because I wanted to see how hard it would be to attract anyone. It turned out to be remarkably easy, especially when compared with the last time I was out there. I ended up turning down sex a couple of times because I still considered myself married, and wanted to wait until it was final. This of course turned into the last manipulative power play by ex could get over on me, so I ended up sort of compromising.
The state requires 60 days between the time of filing and the finalization. About halfway through this stage I was casually dating and had two women I was interested in. I decided that I would wait until the finalization to get physical, and in the course of two days turned down sex with two different women, and turned down a date with a third because it just wasn't practical to date three. So that answered the difficulty part and gave me a huge confidence boost. By the end of the 60 days I had narrowed down to one dating partner, and ex had begun to drag things out. So I decided that I was morally OK with having waited until the deadline, but I would not be manipulated, so I made the move.
p.s., making a woman wait for sex, especially because you are showing self-control and character, is a HUGE turn-on for them. HUGE. Of course she knew the situation going in, and we even joked about her being "rebound girl". Well, the epilogue is that rebound girl and I are having our first anniversary of marriage this Sunday.
Okay, been ten days now that W has ignored the D papers I sent her (ought to be the final draft, as everything in there was previously agreed upon between us verbally). She keeps "updating" me via text or email that she's really busy, and sorry she'll get to them tomorrow, blahtedy blah. Never does. I stopped responding to these a week ago.
I know ten days is not a long time in the grand scheme, and I don't want to be unreasonable or pushy, but have to admit this is starting to get a little annoying.
Waiting to hear back from my lawyer today about my options to move it ahead without her cooperation, if she continues to drag. She's out of town for work through next Thursday (so she's "busy", yeah...but also know she's found plenty of time to party since she left on Sunday - people talk). Pending what my lawyer says, I'm planning to tell her that if she doesn't review them and sign by Thursday when she gets back, I'll be filing on Friday without her.
Why drag? All I can think of is that I have paid my half of the main utilities (gas/elec) at the house since I left and she has recently joked about not signing so that can continue. I didn't laugh. I also hoped she was truly kidding. It's not much money, but it's not a fair arrangement, especially if she's going to play games with my money.
I'm done with that now. It was an arrangement that placated the situation in September, and my lawyer has told me I don't have to pay a dime if I don't want to. Now that it's moving into winter weather the gas bill is gonna go through the roof. I want no part of it, nor should I.
Other reason I'm done? There's a guy housesitting at the house right now taking care of upkeep while she's out of town for work. Old family friend of hers, nice guy...and gay, so no funny business there. But either way, my take is HE can pay the damn bills.
Sham, she is dragging because there isn't anything in it for her. It's not like she is staying faithful on you, meanwhile you have started dating and she knows it. This dragging it out is a nice easy cost less game for her.
You've been nice, too nice, finish it so you can finally move on. Posted via Mobile Device
She may be dragging her feet so that all of the work, and all of the EXPENSE of the D will fall on YOU. It's a trick to bleed you dry so that you will have no fight left in you, and then she can swoop in for the kill.
Despite all her bravado and pride, maybe she's dragging her feet because she may not be emotionally ready to put the final nail on the coffin of her SECOND MARRIAGE. Think about it, this may be your first marriage but it is her second marriage, and the deep down she knows that the failure of her second marriage rests squarely upon her shoulders.
I'm not exactly convinced through all the bravado and pride that she really wants to let Sham go, either.
My wife asked how this saga was going last night - I gave her Sham's update and she agrees that as a woman in this position - she's holding on to Sham as long as she can.
I'm not exactly convinced through all the bravado and pride that she really wants to let Sham go, either.
My wife asked how this saga was going last night - I gave her Sham's update and she agrees that as a woman in this position - she's holding on to Sham as long as she can.
Sham and his wife have avoided sitting down and actually talking to each other about what has happened. There has been some small talk etc. Even a lonely little "I'm sorry". I think after some time passes both of them are going to regret this.
Sham and his wife have avoided sitting down and actually talking to each other about what has happened. There has been some small talk etc. Even a lonely little "I'm sorry". I think after some time passes both of them are going to regret this.
I agree with you chapparal but how can you have a sincere sit down with someone who isn't likely able to handle her responsibility for what she's done?
Shams wife actions have become legion in this forum for her degree of coldness alone.
If I were Sham I don't know if I'd be able to allow mysel to be vulnerable enough to attempt that discussion, regret or not. Posted via Mobile Device
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Re: Go time...and time to go. Sucks... 
