Unsure of what to do (husband ready to call it quits)
I am new to this group - so Hello to all!!
Here is my current situation in a nutshell:
Met husband roughly 10 years ago, dated for 7 - married 2 years ago. We've had many ups and downs throughout the entire relationship. We fight (more so bicker\argue) a LOT. Recently my husband had (what was diagnosed as) a panic attack and was prescribed anxiety medication.
I had been dealing with my own "baggage" - depression, and just general unhappiness as well.
About 2 months ago - my husband J mentioned divorce, he was unhappy and uncomfortable around me, and was sick of fighting. Intamacey was also a HUGE issue -- it wasn't that I didn't enjoy it, it was that I was uncomfortable with myself, if that makes sense.
After he metioned this I cried - first came the reverse blame - I was unhappy because he didn't ______ (insert any random comment here)....which I am sure only fueled his fire.
A few more weeks went by, we went out, talked, but it seemed forced some days, and he seemed happy other days.
Mid August - things went down hill - he was back to seemingly hating me -- I had left out home to stay with my mom - we met 2 nights later and he (through his sibling, and yes you read that correctly) informed me he didn't want to work on things, things were hopeless to him -- in other words every sentence was prompted by his sibling. (weird, no?)
It was at this point my enitre being was rocked, and FINALLY took a close look at myself -- did a lot of soul searching, which sounds corney - but it's true. I caused a lot of issues in the relationship - I was beyond selfish, and controlling, and just really didn't listen\support my husband. I freaked out over little things, and instead of discussing issues with him I asked everyone else. These are only a FEW of the issues
J and I had met about 2 weeks ago - alone, and we talked some - I asked if we could separate (which I now agreed we needed) - NOT run to file for divorce, or him sign a year lease at an apt, but to just take some time to let the dust settle and think about things. We had a long chat, which I mentioned some of the above paragraph to him. He seemed to really be surprised, and taking it all in....and he mentioned also that he also hasn't done things right by me either.....He asked how my mom felt about it - and I said that it's no trouble, I've been trying to keep busy, and they have more than enough room. He stated that he really never thought about separation as an option because everyone was telling him the **** or get off the pot (pardon the expression) - myself included - and I said yes, because emotions were running really high, and that's what happens - but stepping back and thinking about things gives more perspective. He said he'd think about it. We haven't really talked at all except for something iniatied by me regarding bills. I felt very hopeful after that chat. And for the few weeks after....he had sent me a warm response to an email - and said sounds good (to talking again towards the end of this month to see where things are at).
Well - since then I've been feeling less hopeful for us working things out, and I don't know why. I needed to email him regarding financial stuff the other day, and he was back to being very standoffish, to the point he didn't "figure out the talking stuff" yet.
I miss my home and my husband - and being very honest - I truly feel that if he will just give us a chance, we can work things out beautifully. It may sound niave - but I believe it with all my heart - I've come to terms with a lot of things about myself in the last couple months as to the terrible partner I was (both to him and my own friends).....
So -- fellow board members, after all of that - where do I go from here....mainly how can I "get my foot in the door" with him again...is there a shot? I just cannot give up on 10 years, intertwined families, friends, a home.
Side notes, main issues for us were financial based, other than that intamacey (sex for him, romance for me).
Thanks all for taking the time to read this lengthy post!!