My husband moved out of our home last night for good...we had been fighting since June when I found out about his emotional affair with his co-worker. The OM is old enough to be my mother! He has been sleeping in the study since July and no matter what I do, he refuses to budge. Certain days, we seem loving again, but whenever I check his mobile, I would see all the loving texts and to date, He is still so "in love" with her despite her trying to pull away from him. I spoke to that woman calmly once, and she said it will nv work out between them bc she is married w 2 kids, she will not give them up. She was encouraging and nice to me, like a motherly figure. Damn it. To them, this emotional affair is not real, my husband said its just a game, a virtual thing. But they have met up, kiss and hug. Thats what he told me. He refused to tell me more and I had to resort to find things out from his frens and a common co-worker that knows all 3 of us. When the OM found out, she call to THREATEN me. Saying that I tried to smear her reputation and that she will no longer hold back her feelings for my husband and she will challenge me, that with a twitch of her finger, my marriage is over. That I have to mellow down to the 3rd party now...I was so furious and it was this stick that broke the camel's back. Shortly after, my husband called and shouted at me on what have I done, that woman created a scene in his office and he blames me. He refused to believe that woman said all those things to me...That day I told his parents what happened and that night we decided to annual our marriage. After I went to a lawyer and told him about the details, he seem shocked and angry that I went to the lawyer (He was the one who asked me to). All along him and the OW knew that I love my husband very much, so much that I will never leave, and it hurts me that not only is my husband taking advantage of that, but to have a 3rd party abuse me on this fact. We had many long talks since then and he said he wanted a physical separation so that we will not feel so painful than if we were to annul right now..we went to see our Pastor, but he refused to confess his sins and repent. He is very stubborn and prideful. We are both easily angered now. I did things Im not proud of when I was angry, but I have always honor and love him. The last night that he moved out, he came into the room and slept with me for one last time...sometimes he will seem like the man I married, he will still show me some affection. He said deep down he still love me, he still want this marriage, but he feels that we will not be happy forever because we have not changed. He has cheated on my before during our courtship days. The way he escape problems by cheating and e ways I responded... He told me whatever he has told me is the truth and from the bottom of his heart. Whatever he says to the OW are just words, doesnt mean anything to him. He likes but do not love her. How can he say that when in his msg he told her he has never love a woman so much before etc. Is this really just a game? Then what am I? I feel like he is just stringing me along, keeping me around while he plays his games and explore his options. He is selfish bc he knows I love him v much and he wants that but yet he will not give him the OW. He said the affair is ending soon bc he is also getting tired...Am i just a spare tyre? I told him I love him, I will wait for him to come home, but for our marriage to heal, he must end the affair. Permanently. Ive been praying and hoping that he will come to his senses soon. We both know what are our underlying problems, so if he still love me, why cant we work things out? We are just hoping this time and space can heal us and change us. Im getting so tired. Ive lost 12kg since all this started...its so draining...
I spoke to that woman calmly once, and she said it will nv work out between them bc she is married w 2 kids, she will not give them up. .....When the OM found out, she call to THREATEN me. Saying that I tried to smear her reputation and that she will no longer hold back her feelings for my husband and she will challenge me, that with a twitch of her finger, my marriage is over.
What?
Honey that is an EMPTY threat, you hold all the cards and she`s in no position to harm you.
I`d simply tell her husband what she`s been up to with your husband and her little world will come crashing down.
Yes. I found out where she lived and everything, but Im not a home wrecker and she has two kids..call me stupid or "gracious" but as long as I want my marriage, I will not do such things. And yes, I know I hold the cards now and my husband knows, thats why till date, he keeps insisting its not this woman anymore. The OW is someone else...but I know better.. haha. Sometimes I wonder is he still keeping me around bc he is afraid I will create trouble for her. He is protecting her...
Agreed, who would be wrecking the homes? OW and your H. Not you, not the OWH. Giving the OWH a bit of information that is *extremely valuable* to making honest, educated, possibly life-changing decisions is a GIFT. He needs to know, just as you needed to know. If you tell him, he will probably thank you (at least eventually) for helping him understand what has been going on within his marriage as a result of your husband and his wife's actions. He may even already know.
Your H is lying to you, cheating on you, disrespecting your marriage and you know it, would you want to continue to live that way for years to come?
It wouldn't be your fault in any way to expose the affair to OWH. The fault lies squarely with the two people that are cheating. And they know it too, they're just in the fog and will deny responsibility as long as they possibly can.
You say your husband knows you love him so much "that you'll never leave"...I respect your devotion, but without that final boundary, he can take advantage of your lenience for as long as he wants...and it sounds like he has been.
Personally, since you have already separated, as much as you pray for him to come to his senses...I would tell him to go be with the OW and enjoy life. Proceed with the plans for annulment and mean it, see if that opens his eyes. If not, then you're doing the right thing anyway.
Yes. I found out where she lived and everything, but Im not a home wrecker and she has two kids..call me stupid or "gracious" but as long as I want my marriage, I will not do such things. And yes, I know I hold the cards now and my husband knows, thats why till date, he keeps insisting its not this woman anymore. The OW is someone else...but I know better.. haha. Sometimes I wonder is he still keeping me around bc he is afraid I will create trouble for her. He is protecting her...
Seriously? He says "no, it's not her anymore, it's some other woman that I'm having an affair with?"
Stunning.
Curious - do you both work/have income of your own?
You know whats e best part? I have a successful career, a former beauty queen, to many I'm strong and independent in every way. My failure is I love him too much that I let him abuse me like this. He has changed ever since he became successful in his career, he has forgotten that I chose to be with him when he has nothing. To the outside world, we are e perfect couple, high flying etc, who knows...I have never taken a single cent from him as a wife, in fact everything we owned is shared. Posted via Mobile Device
I know I'm being silly, hoping he'll change etc but I can't help it. I've been with him for 8 years, I have seen the good side of him and I'm hoping that man will resurface again. If he wants to, he can change. Posted via Mobile Device
My guess... He won't change until something forces him to. Personally, I think you should draw a line in the sand, based on the information about busting an affair in the infidelity forum. No more contact, transparency, honest counseling... If he doesn't follow through, stop playing around and get the annulment done. Start respecting yourself; he's not respecting you, and won't until you start to do that.
As far as breaking up another family, as others have said, its not you who would be breaking up the other family. It's the actions of the two of them that would be breaking up that family. All you're doing is exposing their actions to someone else who's being affected by it.
Wow..she's the OW and she tries to threaten YOU? Amazing what goes on in cheater's minds, isn't it?
He's seeing another woman, yet he still wants the marriage to work???? How does THAT happen? Apparently, he wants the best of both worlds.
I am so sorry about all of this...but I think you're doing the right thing, talking to a lawyer..guess he didn't think you would actually go through with it..good for you.
Like that old saying.."hell hath no fury like a woman scorned".
You are right. I have given him too much freedom, too much leeway, even my in-laws said so! In fact, he is still in contact with tt gal he cheated on me during courtship days, and I know that they have went out for at least one meal recently. All this thru the latest check on his phone just before he moved out. The text was like a normal friend text, but I know that is not what the gal wants!I guess it is history repeating itself because deep down he knows he can get away with it. Because I love him, I close many eyes to the things he do, but why should I lower my own standards just to keep him? The bombshell is: we have not consummated our marriage, due to my own psychological barrier, not once. And I think it is due to this that I allow things to happen. I blame myself alot for this. He had a PA during courtship simply for e sex, i get it...since he cant get that from me...but now? EA? When I said many underlying issues: this is the biggest one. The bittersweet news is: after seeing a sex therapist, I have overcome my fear. But he said he has given up on me...This is my biggest regret. I think my story is very complicated...and honestly sometimes I really wish I can dig out my brain and let it rest for one day.
I send him a msg today that he knows that I love and still want to be with him, but I cant be his backup plan anymore. He needs to choose, Yes he does and not leave it to God. If he choose to be with me, he MUST give up all contact w e OW and including that gal he cheated w during courtship. Transparency and counseling. But if he cant give up his "frens" and instead would rather sacrifice me, then I will accept that. I want to be the one and only woman in his life.
Our 2nd anniversary is coming up in Oct. I have been waiting to see his actions on that. I guess in a way I have set a deadline for him to make a decision.
So first off, when it comes to no contact, it means no contact. Not even a "friendly text"
Second, you've been married for two years, and haven't consummated your relationship? Those are the little details that may change the advice you get. It doesn't justify the cheating, however.
Husband moved out last night 
