Anewlife

EA is worse than PA in my book. She probably did check out a long time ago. The woman I loved and married is dead. What else can she do to get through my head it's over. Oh yeah, I got the old, I love you but I'm not in love with you cowardly statement. Do snakes like this ever come slithering back?

Anewlife

Thank you. This is worse than losing my father.

Lostouthere

Sometimes they do attempt to come back but by the time that happens you will not want her back. Don't be waiting for her to come back get this over and start living your life and if she comes back guess what the ball is in your court but me personally would you want to take a chance and go through this again? Me personally I cannot endure the hell Ive been through a second time so no thank you.

Shaggy

So how did he just happen to be in the car that picked her up? How is it he was known to thus mutual couple ?

You bet it's been going on a while and he is clearly working her to leave you and it's working.

So let him have her. As a wise poster said, let her go.

Shes already gone anyway, so don't chase her. Instead cut off contact and especially cut off any money see has access too. Expose to her family.

There is a chance btw that she has gotten pregnant by him. Her sudden urgency to ditch you is very suspicious, what is motivating her?

Also, hire a PI and find everything you can about the OM
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Anewlife

My train of thought right now is yes...just to make myself feel good that she realized she made a big mistake...not because I want her back. I just want to get to a place where if she did...I could care less!!

Anewlife

I hope she's not pregnant. I had unprotected sex with her the week she came back. She made me where condoms for a LONG time when we met. She is crazy and depressed..not stupid. Phone records show no activity with this clowns number prior to trip. I was invited to go on the trip. Just couldnt afford to kennel dogs.

Shaggy

So how did he come to be in that car? Did the friends set her up with him?
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Anewlife

She went out with him months ago to "hook" him up with her friend. I didn't feel like going out. He ended up sleeping in my basement. I should have known then. It was awkward driving him home the next day. I am a fool for trust a woman so much. I've known the other couple longer than my wife. Total betrayal all around.

Anewlife

I've learned something here. When she came home to work things out, I confronted here about the trip...the texting....she said what has she ever done to make me think she would do something like that. She said don't blame someone else for problems we've had for a long time. The classic deflect blame tactic. I printed out the phone bill showing all the texting. How do 2 36 year olds text over 1000 times. I'll bring that folder to court for sure.

Brewster 59

I dont know but it sounds like she was going to a self esteem class. While some of these classes are legit some of them are filled with manhaters who fill the woman up with all kinds of stories of abuse and find abuse even where it doesnt exist.

I would advise you to do some soul searching, did you abuse her mentally? verbally? at the bottom line all people have room for improvement. The best thing you can do is find the areas you need to improve in and make the improvement for yourself.

Become a better person than you were and learn the lessions you can from this experience and see where life takes you is really the best thing you can do. If you get another chance at this relationship make sure you learn from this experience and make the improvement necessary to keep this a happy relationship.

Lostouthere

Hey you were not a fool you done what you felt just as many of us have. Your suppose to be able to trust the person your married too but in a lot of cases its not a good thing no more. People dont take marriage as serious as they use too.

And yes bring all the evidence you can too court, also if she is pregnant get a paternity test if that ever came out that she was. I feel your pain and know exactly what your going through my wife done same thing moved out then a couple weeks later wanted a divorce. I did not argue at all and just went and filed. Im sorry but im the type if I have to fight to keep you or expose you and make you feel bad about something because you couldnt remain faithful in the first place then I dont need that kind of person in my life I will just cut my losses no matter how much it hurts.

Stonewall

Read Shamwow's experience. He handled his problem better than anyone I have ever seen. You can learn a lot about how to handle this from the way he did. I have never been more impressed with a guys intestinal fortitude than I was with him. Really no BS read it!!!!


Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

Shamwow

Thanks Stonewall, just dealing with the reality that came my way, as Anew unfortunately is now.

I had the same thoughts reading this just now, so similar to my situation. Similar ages (within 4-5 yrs), no kids, 2 dogs, EA gone physical, complete denial from my STBXW that she did anything wrong (still denying, at least to me), deflecting her A that she wasn't admitting to any personal failings of mine she could come up with in the midst of confrontation (crying, saying how no one could love her or find her attractive - wtf I tried to b*ng her everyday for 2 months during this), weight loss and feeling like you're crazy, and on and on. Only difference is your W left first...which my W would've done if I hadn't caught on to her game. (for the record, I've since told her I won't pay half the mortgage as well, that's the way it goes)

So...she says she has self worth issues...heard the same from my W days after she finally slept with the D-Bag. Guessing the same happened to you my friend, sorry. She has no self worth because she knows she's acting horribly, NOT because of you or your marriage. Don't believe it for a second, as hard as it is.

I've only been moved out for a few weeks but I'm already getting used to not trusting anything she says, she's not the same girl. Treat her as such. You want to forgive her. DON'T. Would she forgive you if it were reversed? (thanks Jellybeans for that) Unless she does massive heavy lifting to regain your trust. If you ask her home or tell her it's okay what she did, you will lose more respect from her (and for yourself) and any reconciliation will be even harder. Treat her as if she's a doppelgänger in your wife's body. She is. She thinks she loves the OM. She may.

Get yourself tested for STDs immediately and don't even consider sleeping w your W, if she for some reason throws herself at you out of the blue. Tell her "after the other guy I wouldn't touch you with my ten foot pole."

She asked "what have I done to make you doubt me like this?" (paraphrasing) say, "ummm, THIS. Texting with, giving your emotional bond to, giving our intimate marital details to, and sleeping w another man." That's what she did to make you doubt.

You're lonely...I hear ya. I miss the s**t out of my wife, but she's not there anymore, the affair has changed her. Remember that, miss the great girl you married, but try not to miss her as she is now. Please, it's hard, but save yourself at least a little pain and remember that SHE caused this. We all can look back and see our own failings and things we'd like to have done better, but you didn't give up and cheat. She did. Give her the consequences that go with that. It's a world of s**t right now, but at least I know I'm doing the right thing and being the man in charge...not the OM. Did that with the advice I received here as well as from my therapist (are you seeing one yet?). Do the same, sounds like your instincts are serving you well so far, keep it up man.
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Shamwow

Oh, and sorry, but those "friends" that took her on a couples' weekend with the OM? They are not your friends. They are her friends. Don't have to be a dck to them or anything, just don't hang out with them anymore, if at all possible. If they call to ask how you're doing, just say "Fine, thanks for asking", and then ask them how work's going (or something).

I'm dealing with lots of mutual "couples friends" and it's like navigating a minefield. If you're really close with any of them, definitely don't shut them out, but don't try to open up to all of them, or tell them too much about the pain you're in, they know you're in pain. If you break down to them, that may get relayed to your W. And while part of you may want her to know how much you care (I have these thoughts all the time), it won't do you any good right now as long as she's in love with the d-bag.

Guys - any ideas on breaking up the affair? My wife's OM was married, so that was pretty easy to do by contacting the OMW. If he's not married, what can Anew do? Do they work together? Workplace rules being broken? Does he have a gf (besides your W)?

Do you know for sure that she has filed for D (as in you've been served)? If not, she may just be telling you that. If that's the case, YOU go ahead and file.

Anewlife

She definately filed I was served. She came with her family and got all her stuff last Sunday. Her family helped. They are quite upset. My stbxw acdted tough loading truck then started bawling before she left. I can't stomach the though of any of this. 2 months ago I was a happily married man.