I would not be asking about her especially to family members. The reason being that by doing that they will tell her that your asking about her and she knows that she still has you and if your her Back up plan then you dont need to be letting her know nothing. You want her to think your fine with this.
Also, I know what you mean about not wanting to see the actual texts...but it helped me for a while to remember why we were in this boat. When things get heavy I could just glance at that stuff (still can, though it's been a while), it would make me so angry that I didn't feel sad or guilty anymore. Remember, you weren't perfect, but she gave up on herself, you and your marriage by having an A. So if you could get that sim card, it might actually be therapeutic, at least for a little while. Remind you of the things she did to firebomb your marriage...not you.
Again Sham nails it. For everything there is a time. Now is the time for anger. As much as it hurts you need the anger to displace the sadness. Its easier for you to deal with anger than sadness plus it adds perspective. You can't just look at it as being sad she is gone you must remember why she is gone.
I don't know what i would do without you guys. Finally got out to a picnic and I swear to God I kept looking for her like she should of been right there with me. Then i saw a couple of babies and man i almost lost it! I just want to be normal again. That's not too much to ask?
Well after some thought....I am changing the locks today. 2 friends, one of their mothers, and my own mother has comittted to letting my dogs out during the day. My stbxw will no longer have "one foot in the door." She left me. She left the dogs. She told me to cease all contact. Well that includes the dogs too. Probably going to lose my house as i can not refinance, there is no equity, and she wants her name off mortgage. Again, I cant re-finance alone so will the court make me sell? Another thing I thought of...does she have some type of disorder because she has no long term firneds. Only friends I have introduced her to. The girl that hooked us up was a childhood friend then one day my stbxw CEASED ALL CONTACT. They did not reconnect for 11 years. Seems very odd!
Does anyone know if she has a LEGAL obligation to pay 1/2 the mortgae (in both our names) and household bills until divorce is final?
Prob have to ask a lawyer in your state to be sure. My lawyer told me I don't have to because it's just my W's name on the mortgage after our refi a few years ago. If it was both our names still, then I would be on the hook right now. So there's a good chance your W is responsible for half of the mortgage until you work out a different agreement.
I think a general rule is that if the mortgage went delinquent, who could the bank come after for the money? In your case, it would be both of you, so you may be in luck on that one.
Don't let her take her name off the mortgage! I wouldn't think she could anyway, without you agreeing to it. Taking her name off a substantial joint loan should require both of you to confirm that w the bank.
I think she could quit her claim on the deed to the home if she wants, just not the mortgage loan.
As for household bills, that may be trickier, as she doesn't live there anymore, so she could prob get away with not paying utilities, etc, and she supposedly has her own new bills to pay (though it sounds like she probably doesn't, staying w family). She can take her name off utilities easily just by calling them and saying she doesn't live there anymore. From that point those utility "debts" would probably be yours alone, unless your lawyer tells you differently. Posted via Mobile Device
I'm very much not a lawyer, but my understanding is that if your name appears on a mortgage and loan then, you are responsible for paying it.
I would not agree to letting her take her name off any debts you have with her until the divorce has been processed by the courts.
She seems to be trying to simply walk away from the marriage and leave behind all her responsibilities and obligations. That isn't how it works, so she is in for a real shock. Haven't you got a lawyer yet to guide you? If not then do it tomorrow! Posted via Mobile Device
Oh, I believe the facts as you present them. Yes I think you've become a victim. That much I believe.
But I also think that the two of you should have been working on your marriage, for years, long before things got like this.
Now though, AND BELIEVE THIS: You are not at fault. She is. I'm sorry, I really am. But you need to take the good advice others are giving you and start to let go, to see an attorney, to take his advice, to do things FOR YOU.
Maybe, if you decide it will help you -- I'm not sure that it will -- sue the OM for damages. Because he certainly has damaged you, your kids, and even though it will be years before your wife see's things this way, he's also further damaged your wife.
One more thing, set a date, say 18 months to get off the anti-depressants. Take them now, you obviously need them, just make a plan, as part of your own rebuilding program, to get off of them.
And love your kids. Love them as much as you possibly can. Because now, more than ever, your kids need you.
I do a little counseling, not as a professional, but people do seem to benefit from my counsel, and most of the people I have spoken with about life's issues have parent's who divorced. (Me too.)
Well you may not be able to change their future that way, they may need counseling; Okay. But help those five kids so much that they'll be able to look back and say to themselves, even over and over again, that their Dad loved them.
Yeah, their Mom, she wasn't perfect. But wow!, their Dad, he was the best.
Right now that maybe all you can do. Be a good Dad and don't allow your ex-wife to continue to hurt you.
Let us know how you do.
One more thing, do you have someone you're talking with?, a good friend, someone who knew both of you, NOT to try to repair the break. This break is permanent and should remain so. But a person who knew both of you will get up to speed faster and should be able to get past the junk you may throw up, because he'll know better.
True indeed. What are a mess. My life is in shambles.
I think we all feel like this as first. I know its hard to do but right now focus on yourself and picking up the pieces of what you got left. Everything will fall in place.
would it be easier to let go if she spat in your face and blamed you for her loss of "self esteem"??? essentially, she's done em both. She's a lying, adulterous sinner. You cannot fix that. No amount of empathy toward her wretched soul can repair that. I onlt wish I would have listened to the folks on this board early in my separation. Maybe the choice to divorce would not have been so hard. Move forward my friend, and God bless you. No one deserves the torture you're being put through.
would it be easier to let go if she spat in your face and blamed you for her loss of "self esteem"??? essentially, she's done em both. She's a lying, adulterous sinner. You cannot fix that. No amount of empathy toward her wretched soul can repair that. I onlt wish I would have listened to the folks on this board early in my separation. Maybe the choice to divorce would not have been so hard. Move forward my friend, and God bless you. No one deserves the torture you're being put through.
Powerful, simple statement. Thank you. I texted that I changed the locks and she won't see 2 dogs we raised from 8 weeks old pups (now 7 & 9 years old.) No response. Cold blooded!
Re: Wife filed for divorce... 
