Wife filed for divorce...

Anewlife · 09-20-2011, 01:29 PM

I am also tortured by the week she came home....said we'd work it out, lots of sex, planned on having a child.......then up and left and filed for divorce. My head is my worst enemy right now.

Lostouthere · 09-20-2011, 02:58 PM

There are several of us here that kind of know that feeling of being blindsided. Our thoughts are the worst contenders to deal with going through this mess. Just try and keep them under control as best as you can. Are you in IC right now?

Anewlife · 09-20-2011, 03:07 PM

If IC meand individual counseling then the answer is yes....going NC starting today (she actually demanded it 9/12) but we had some "business" to handle.

Anewlife · 09-20-2011, 03:23 PM

bank accounts...insurance...etc.

Lostouthere · 09-20-2011, 03:24 PM

Yes that is what I meant that is a good step. Also definitley go NC as that will help you along because each time you have contact with her or anything it will stir emotions and that is not good during this time.

Anewlife · 09-20-2011, 03:25 PM

I just want to feel "whole" again.

Lostouthere · 09-20-2011, 03:37 PM

That might take a while unfortunately it is no quick away around this stuff as bad as we want it to be. Being whole again will come again in time just focus on yourself right now and everything will fall into place. You have a long journey ahead of you but as many others have you will also make it.

Anewlife · 09-20-2011, 07:11 PM

I haven't felt this good since this whole ordeal happened. If you have been following, she left me with a mortgage payment, 2 dogs, and a pile of bills to move to her mothers. I gave her a key to let dogs out at lunch since with gym, work and school I have 13 hour days. Well she got to texting and emailing after 7 days of NC dictating what items I can leave outside for her.

Maybe I am stooping to her level.....but I texted i would put all the items outside. Then something "clicked" in my head....I texted, "I hate you with a passion greater than any love I ever had for you." No response (she problem doesn't even care, look how she left me.) But it felt liberating. The "feeling" in my stomach is gone. I suddenly did not mind being alone in my house, I actual enjoy as i have a potential roomate coming.

After 5 weeks I have accepted my situation. I am by no means happy (yet) but I feel like a big burden has been lifted off my shoulders. Going to lawyer Thursday to hammer her and take half her 401k and all the mortgage payments she's missed.

Lostouthere · 09-20-2011, 10:41 PM

Good to hear that it made you feel better. I will be getting some stuff off my chest once this stuff ends. Keep your head up and looking forward.

Anewlife · 09-21-2011, 09:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lostouthere

Good to hear that it made you feel better. I will be getting some stuff off my chest once this stuff ends. Keep your head up and looking forward.

She kept demanding I leave this and that outside for her to pick up. I texted "F*** You, C***....You want the rest of your crap send your brother over. Cease and desist all contact with me. I am sorry I ever met you and wasted 13 years of my life with you!"

Now I realize that wasnt very nice and she probably could care less....but it's like I turned a page...anger finally set in. While any Jedi could tell anger is the path to the dark side...I feel relief today....I don't feel like a helpless victim. I am taking care of ME because she ain't around to do that anymore!!!

Anewlife · 09-21-2011, 11:50 AM

oddly I still miss her.....my mind is playing tricks on me. My outburst of anger did relieve my pain.....but after 13 years, I truly miss her. I would NEVER take her back.....but why the hell do I miss her?

paperclip · 09-21-2011, 12:02 PM

When you say angry statements like that. You are showing her that she still has all the control over you... You saying how you hate her is just telling her you really still want her.

Stop giving her all the control. We all have setbacks but just don't speak to her unless it is about the divorce. Hey, we all have setbacks but don't say those messages anymore. You might feel better right away, but in the long term you are just showing her that you are weak and that she still has your wrapped around her little finger.

Anewlife · 09-21-2011, 12:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by paperclip

When you say angry statements like that. You are showing her that she still has all the control over you... You saying how you hate her is just telling her you really still want her.

Stop giving her all the control. We all have setbacks but just don't speak to her unless it is about the divorce. Hey, we all have setbacks but don't say those messages anymore. You might feel better right away, but in the long term you are just showing her that you are weak and that she still has your wrapped around her little finger.

That i so true and now i regret it. It simply justifies her replacing me. Obviously I'm a mess. NC means NC...I am sticking to it without making a jackass out of myself.

paperclip · 09-21-2011, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anewlife

That i so true and now i regret it. It simply justifies her replacing me. Obviously I'm a mess. NC means NC...I am sticking to it without making a jackass out of myself.

Don't be to hard on your self. We all have setbacks, you just need to learn from them and stick to the NC.

Anewlife · 09-21-2011, 02:06 PM

Might be stroking my ego as dumpee....but after 13 years does she miss me too? Does she feel any pain? Any regret?