Status hearing...what is it?
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Old 09-15-2011, 10:50 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Status hearing...what is it?

My wife and I are scheduled for a status hearing in a couple of weeks. What is this and what should I expect? I guess you should all understand tha I don't want the divorce even though she's cheating. I've really been trying to drag things out as long as I could, with some help at times, with the hopes that she'll wake up. Its going on 10 months since she filed. It really doesn't seem like she will come out of this fog, but anything can happen.
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Old 09-15-2011, 11:25 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Status hearing...what is it?

Mark I dont know what that is maybe to see where everything is at. Man I would not be dragging myself through this especially if this is something she wanted. I know your trying to be biblical but man Im sorry you dont deserve to have this going on to you. If she has not came back by now she is not going to snap out of it. And unfortunately the longer you try to hold on the more its going to push her away. If you love her let go.
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Old 09-16-2011, 07:51 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Status hearing...what is it?

Well, hasn't it been said that the fog lasts from 6 months to 2 years? I agree partly that she will not snap out of ON HER OWN. I believe God will shake her at some point but o don't know where that point is. I know that I can live without her and that I may have to but I also believe I should do what I can and let God do the rest. I haven't told her I still loved her in atleast 6 months. I haven't seen or spoke to her in about 4.

You say she will never snap out but it has been the experience of many that many cheating spouses do snap out but it's usually after the loyal spouse has moved on.

And to me trying to do the biblical thing, it's all I know.
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Old 09-17-2011, 02:54 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Status hearing...what is it?

If you want to do the biblical thing then you have to forgive her.

That doesn't mean you have to be a doormat. Let her go. You deserve happiness too you need to find that happiness. Really!

Lets look at from the biblical perspective. When Jesus forgave what did he follow that with? The answer is now go and sin no more!

Biblically there are justifiable reasons for divorce and most certainly one of them is adultery.
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Old 09-17-2011, 07:26 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Status hearing...what is it?

What makes me a doormat? For the last 6+ months, there has been no conversation about reconciliation or the marriage or love or anything like that. Yes, there have been some snags in the divorce proceedings, but some were my doing and others were not. Is divorce justified in my case? Yes, but I also have the option of forgiving and moving on when she expresses remorse and contrition.

I have been living my own life for the past 4 months with no contact wih her at all. I haven't been looking for happiness nor am I deserving of anything other than the joy of God, and that I have. Happiness is based on favorable outside circumstances. Right now, without going into any details, there are many circumstances in my life that are not favorable BUT in spite of that I STILL have joy. That comes from an internal source.

Also, the forgiveness Jesus gave was to those who recognized their need for it. It was to the broken. I am willing to do the same.
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Old 09-17-2011, 07:37 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Status hearing...what is it?

Because you used the word cheating in the present tense. If shes still cheating and is not expressing remorse then you are willing to be a doormat for this behavior.

If you are willing to do this then so be it. But if she has expressed no desire for forgiveness and continues then IMO you are. What ever you decide to do you would be wise to get tested for STDs.
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Old 09-17-2011, 08:37 PM   #7 (permalink)
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What makes me a doormat? For the last 6+ months, there has been no conversation about reconciliation or the marriage or love or anything like that. Yes, there have been some snags in the divorce proceedings, but some were my doing and others were not. Is divorce justified in my case? Yes, but I also have the option of forgiving and moving on when she expresses remorse and contrition.

I have been living my own life for the past 4 months with no contact wih her at all. I haven't been looking for happiness nor am I deserving of anything other than the joy of God, and that I have. Happiness is based on favorable outside circumstances. Right now, without going into any details, there are many circumstances in my life that are not favorable BUT in spite of that I STILL have joy. That comes from an internal source.

Also, the forgiveness Jesus gave was to those who recognized their need for it. It was to the broken. I am willing to do the same.
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Amen! You hold the greatest strength and joy within your heart! Your love, compassion, care, forgiveness and hope proves it. We can all pray that your wife will come to see the same, but that it her choice, and hers alone. I applaud you for your patience and perserverence... and you are in effect giving your wife every opportunity, even though she has rebuked you repeatedly. Job, Joseph and Abraham... come to mind.

Never say never and there is always hope...

There may come the day where your wife will repent.. but if not, and as the law of man provides, there may come the day that you will have to sign the papers. Hold yourself high as you kept your word to God throughout.. all for His glory.

Be well and God bless...
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Old 09-18-2011, 07:17 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Amen! You hold the greatest strength and joy within your heart! Your love, compassion, care, forgiveness and hope proves it. We can all pray that your wife will come to see the same, but that it her choice, and hers alone. I applaud you for your patience and perserverence... and you are in effect giving your wife every opportunity, even though she has rebuked you repeatedly. Job, Joseph and Abraham... come to mind.

Never say never and there is always hope...

There may come the day where your wife will repent.. but if not, and as the law of man provides, there may come the day that you will have to sign the papers. Hold yourself high as you kept your word to God throughout.. all for His glory.

Be well and God bless...
Thanks for the kind words. I know there may come a time when what seems inevitable can no longer be avoided. I do know there is always hope as long as there is a God. If the divorce happens, it will only happen because he allows it. Even then, nothing can thwart his plan for my family, not even divorce.

In many ways, I find comfort in the fact that Hosea never divorced his wife in spire of her adultery. Hosea 2:6-7 even tells us that he put up hedges and walls in her path so she couldn't attain what she desired. If I'm the bad guy for not simply cutting my wife loose, or if I am perceived as a "doormat" as one tells me I am, or as a willing participant in an open marriage as another poster says, then so be it. I have good company in Hosea, who's wife eventually came back, and with God who still considers himself as the husband to lost Israel in spite of their waywardness.
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Old 09-18-2011, 09:11 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Thanks for the kind words. I know there may come a time when what seems inevitable can no longer be avoided. I do know there is always hope as long as there is a God. If the divorce happens, it will only happen because he allows it. Even then, nothing can thwart his plan for my family, not even divorce.

In many ways, I find comfort in the fact that Hosea never divorced his wife in spire of her adultery. Hosea 2:6-7 even tells us that he put up hedges and walls in her path so she couldn't attain what she desired. If I'm the bad guy for not simply cutting my wife loose, or if I am perceived as a "doormat" as one tells me I am, or as a willing participant in an open marriage as another poster says, then so be it. I have good company in Hosea, who's wife eventually came back, and with God who still considers himself as the husband to lost Israel in spite of their waywardness.
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I'm sure you know this verse by heart... 1 Corinthians 10:13

you have faith...

May the Lord Bless you...
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Old 09-18-2011, 10:48 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Status hearing...what is it?

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I'm sure you know this verse by heart... 1 Corinthians 10:13

you have faith...

May the Lord Bless you...
Sometimes I waver back in forth in believing I have faith to just thinking I'm stupid or crazy for even wanting or attempting to put my family back together. Again, these are just thoughts that come in spells but I know deep in my heart that I've done what I should and I will continue to do so. I'm encouraged by a quote I read a while ago,

Only those that attempt the absurd can accomplish the impossible...

That is actually one of my favorite verses and I'm encouraged by it greatly. Thank you and God bless...
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