09-22-2011, 03:39 PM
Join Date: Aug 2011
| | Re: Separated and needing advice - how to 180
Sorry to hear your situation...think you're 100% right that 180 is very important right now, and for the foreseeable future. To get yourself more on your feet. I would definitely stop logging into IM, as you're making yourself available to her whenever she wants, but not vice versa. If she doesn't give something to you, don't give it to her. She knows you'll "always be there", and as counterintuitive as it sounds, that's not a good thing, especially right now.
She wanted to separate, well, give her a taste of what that means...life without you. Don't mean you should be a d*ck to her, but she wanted to live apart from you...if you let her truly do that, then she can realize what she'll be giving up. She may decide it's what she wants and she's happier giving you up...or she might realize she's lost a great guy and come around.
If she asks why you haven't been logging in, just say "Didn't cross my mind today..." she knows she can always call or text if she wants to talk. Wait a while before texting her back, and no need to reply to everything.
It's really hard, I know (I'm doing the same with my W right now, though I'm the one who left and filed...doing it for different reasons, but my lack of availability has affected her noticeably, and she realizes I'm not at her beck and call as we go through this process). Try the best you can, take care of yourself first, and when you get down about it, just let it happen...