Having been where you are and acted the way you have, I can say it is not you, and you have no control over whatever it is. You are not alone in this situation, and it does get better. You have it better than some, at least she told you she was leaving. She probably doesn't even know the real deal on why she is doing what she is doing. After 10 years she should know that you were there to provide her with what she needed in way of support, etc to get through any thing together. Don't spend your time on why...concentrate on what now? You have to still live and make a good life for yourself. Be strong and be wise and fair. Become selfish and protect your livlihood and your heart. And if by chance your goodbye ain't gone you will be in a good place to receive it. I will pray for your understanding and comfort, and you pray for mine. And build you a support group that can be there for you.
First of all, I want to thank all of you for your advice and support and I'm sending my best thoughts in your direction.
This morning was rough. Only a couple more hours sleep. I still haven't been hungry. Don't worry, I'm a big boy and know I need to eat. I will eventually.
Anyway, after much thinking(obviously) I realised that I'm not the same person she fell in love with. Then I realised -I- don't love who I've become either. I called the local community college and set up an appointment for a placement test to start my enrollment. I've been thinking about it for years, and it's time to take some classes and improve myself for me. I'm going to start small so I'm guaranteed to succeed and take it from there.
Then, I called my uncles and set up a party for myself, as I turn 31 this weekend.
After that, I decided I need help understanding what was going on and took a huge risk by calling her friend that she is staying with. She was very patient and I (somehow) was able to keep my cool. The friend assured me it was nothing to do with the doctor appointment, illness, or another man. She told me my wife really hadn't shared that much with her and thinks she just needs space to assess what she really wants in life. I decided that I love and respect her enough to allow her that. After a bit more talking I was able to start to feel a little better. I asked her to let my wife know that I love her, I accept she needs space, and if she would call me when she's ready. I felt such a sense of relief after that and felt I could be more patient as hard as it would be.
A couple hours later I was on the phone with a friend who called to check on me when I got a call on the other line. It was my wife.
We talked for over an hour nice and calm-like (though I had to choke back a tear or two). I asked how she was doing and at first she said fine, but after hearing how I was admitted she was feeling pretty bad. I told her that honestly, for good or bad, it made me feel a little better that she was feeling bad as well. We both laughed at that.
I told her that although I hate the way it feels, I accept that she needs to get her own place and that this may actually be a good thing for me as well. I let her know of my plans and asked if she had any. She said no, and I have to admit I got a fairly childish kick out of it since I feel I'm already working on improving me. I know it's petty, but it gave me at least a little sense of victory. Score: Wife-100 Me-02
I asked if she had any leads on apartments and she did. She said they were fairly close by and she wasn't running away. I even offered to let her use my truck when she's ready to move and she seemed a bit surprised. She offered to help me sort out the bills (as she usually took care of that) and pay the full amount on our cell and veterinary bills to lessen the load on me. We always shared costs of everything.
At the risk of being pushy, I offered couples counseling. It got really silent. Uh oh, right? Then she said we are communicating pretty well right now and I had to agree with that.
I reitterated that I accept this may turn out to be a good thing for us both, but that my long term goal was to mend our relationship. Whether it 's permanent or temporary, we don't know and either way we'll both be better people from it.I said I'm not ready to give up yet, won't be pushy and we'll take it one baby step at a time. Me-"Let's keep in contact, okay?" Her-"Okay" . We both said I love you.
I don't want to celebrate and light any fireworks, but at least I feel better for now. That could, and probably will change back and forth and I'm willing to accept that. It's not gonna be easy, but I feel I found a part of myself I lost. No matter what happens, at least I can say I did my best by following my heart.
Again, thanks for reading and thanks for the support. I'll keep you all updated.