One LAST attempt??
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Old 09-26-2011, 06:39 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default One LAST attempt??

My H and I have been separated since May due to an affair. He has continued to see the OW and is cake eating. I sent him some terms that he would need to follow before we could think about reconciling. He has not done anythiing. I received a text on my anniversary last week that read, "Best thing I ever did was marry you". Since then we have only communicated through email about kids and finances. I have been doing the 180 and have started to feel better about myself.

I was planning on filing for divorce on October 31st.

My Question - I would like to try attending a marriage retreat weekend in October with him for a last ditch effort on saving our marriage. Since he is still seeing this other girl, do you think I should suggest this or should I just file?
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Old 09-26-2011, 06:44 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: One LAST attempt??

Nc need to be established 1st.

Until that influence is not there it would be a waste of time.

But again if he is willing to go i would go for it, it wouldnt hurt but just don't put to much of a expectation in it until NC is established.
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Old 09-26-2011, 07:06 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: One LAST attempt??

If he is still seeing the OW, I would go ahead and file.
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Old 09-26-2011, 07:07 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: One LAST attempt??

I think I would do whatever it takes in my head to know that I tried everything to save my marriage. I wouldn't want any "what ifs".
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Old 09-27-2011, 03:52 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: One LAST attempt??

If he keeps seeing the OW, I would file right away...he wants to have his cake and eat it, too...by seeing her he is taking away time, energy and love that he could be spending on you.
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Old 09-27-2011, 03:54 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: One LAST attempt??

I would file and then go to the retreat if he`s willing.

It`ll let him know you`re serious and you can always stop the divorce proceedings before they`re final.
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Old 09-27-2011, 03:56 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: One LAST attempt??

Quote:
Originally Posted by tacoma View Post
I would file and then go to the retreat if he`s willing.

It`ll let him know you`re serious and you can always stop the divorce proceedings before they`re final.
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Old 09-27-2011, 03:56 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: One LAST attempt??

If you're not ready to divorce then don't do it in the hopes of waking him up. You divorce because you have had enough. A retreat in his frame of mind is wasted time and money. Only when he proves he is serious through NC should you even consider expending any more effort on him.
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Old 09-27-2011, 04:04 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: One LAST attempt??

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Originally Posted by FrustratedFL View Post
My H and I have been separated since May due to an affair. He has continued to see the OW and is cake eating. I sent him some terms that he would need to follow before we could think about reconciling. He has not done anythiing.

My Question - I would like to try attending a marriage retreat weekend in October with him for a last ditch effort on saving our marriage. Since he is still seeing this other girl, do you think I should suggest this or should I just file?
File. As long as he's still seeing her, you don't have a marriage to speak of. He is not fully committed to you. You can tell him that too. "I refuse to live in a open marriage. Either we both fully commit to eachother and that includes no outside parties or contact with the woman you're having ana ffair with, or no dice. This is non-negotiable."

What he chooses will tell you everything.

As of right now, you said yourself he's cake-eating. So don't sit around waiting for him.
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