Separated wife only wants to be friends - Page 26 - Talk About Marriage
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post #376 of 513 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 04:37 PM Thread Starter
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It's funny that my brother suggested the same thing. I will have to let the girls know in future where the money is being spent....

Predictably, conversations with the ex have been minimal. She doesn't text like she did before the divorce. I will see the kids for the first time in a week tomorrow. I don't expect much interaction with her. Her mind is else where...I sense it and in a way, I wish she would move on so to free me of the guilt that I have felt for so long.

I don't expect things to improve now and I won't encourage anything...it's damn lonely though...it's easy to be grateful for even the smallest interactions with her to feel wanted I guess. I felt useful and appreciated in some way. A delusion I know but better than nothing other than the silence I experience every night. It's shxt.. I feel worthless and unwanted. My best was never enough and my confidence is low. I've thought about internet dating. It may help connect me with someone nice. It may even shake up the narsissist I married to see what she let go. Not sure what to do..there's only so much self inprovement I can stomach...

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post #377 of 513 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:25 PM
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Re: Separated wife only wants to be friends

Dude,
You are still in love with your wife. You're going to hurt some feelings if you internet date and make a woman think you're serious about a relationship. But, you definitely need to spend some time with other women. Let them know you're not ready for anything but friendship and get some female company. It is no doubt what you need. Few decent women will want to date you if they know your mind is on your ex, but try to be honest. They'll likely know anyway, given enough time.

Put the ex in your rearview mirror. You are letting her in the center of your road right now, and it's killing you. IT will take some time, but you'll get better.

Honestly, meeting some other women helped me. But I probably hurt a couple of women in the process.
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post #378 of 513 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:42 PM
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Re: Separated wife only wants to be friends

Andy,

I svcks but your ex wife has already moved on.

Join some social groups, jogging club etc. Anything where you will meet people and make friends.

If possible, YOU buy what the kids need and give it to them. They will remember that more that you telling them you paid for something.

Stay strong my friend.


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post #379 of 513 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 06:46 PM
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Re: Separated wife only wants to be friends

Your wife successfully isolated you for years from friends and family. During this time she preyed on your self-doubt and flaws, always magnifying them. She held your hostage to them allowing her to never address her own flaws. Now she is raising your daughters to be the same.

If you do not assert yourself in your daughters life she will turn them against you. Use IC ad family to address this issue.

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #380 of 513 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 07:08 PM
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Re: Separated wife only wants to be friends

Andy also I think you have been plan B since before the original separation. Your the guy she could control, so she settled for you. You ave no idea how quickly you will forget about her when you are with someone who makes you plan A

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #381 of 513 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 01:41 AM
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Re: Separated wife only wants to be friends

Andy, you're going to be your own worst enemy if you don't learn to detach and make your happiness a.) a priority and b.) your own responsibility instead of so dependent upon what SHE may or may not do/act like.

It won't happen overnight, it'll be gradual, but it's got to start with small, independent steps.

Learn to take control of your own destiny. Find your own identity, one that is wholly defined and owned by YOU. Not by how a woman feels about you or acts toward you... Especially then it's cr@ppy.


If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.

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post #382 of 513 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 08:05 AM Thread Starter
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Yes your right. I have been plan B for years. Even now I am a plan B if nobody suitable comes along..she never flirts/dates descent men either..might be her taste but they usually have a dysfunctional history or are cheaters themselves! I have always felt that there was other guys in the back ground since we met online. Always someone to flirt with..she never flirted with me for some reason. I have always been the dependable good natured man that picks up the pieces when it all turns to sxxt. Can't do that anymore but I do still love her which makes this whole letting go process very hard.
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post #383 of 513 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 08:18 AM
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Re: Separated wife only wants to be friends

It will be a whole lot easier when you get your mind on ANOTHER WOMAN.

Not a solution to all your problems. But certainly a solution to dwelling on this internet attention junky you married. John and others are right. You have probably never been at the top of her list.
Put her at the bottom of yours.

It really is not that difficult to get her out of your head. Like I said, just let someone else occupy that space in your mind that craves another person's attention. Your ex will evaporate like a spring mist.
Really, there are so many women out there that want a man. You are doing yourself a horrible disservice in not moving forward. You don't have to grovel for her attention, especially when there are others out there that are dying to give it to you.

Stop dwelling on the past and focus on the future. There are over 150 MILLION women in this country. Can you not find one better than the one you had? It may sound too easy to be true, but it really isn't. You found your ex online. How many others are online looking for YOU?????
Just choose wisely.........this time...
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post #384 of 513 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 08:20 AM
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Re: Separated wife only wants to be friends

Stick tight with your brother and his wife. Do not talk about your ex with them. Instead discuss just simple life plans and to do list. What's on sale at the super market, what are you making for dinner. Go to a movie with them. In short live your life.

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #385 of 513 (permalink) Old 01-15-2017, 06:34 PM
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Re: Separated wife only wants to be friends

Andy I don't want to be mean, but these issues you are having are your issues not hers. You are not abandoning her, you are divorced....period. You have a schedule to see your girls and do so on a regular bases. If she flirts, dates other men, it is no an issue as long as they are kind to your daughters. You should consider counseling to help you move on in life, you need to start taking care of you. I know this chapter in your life has not ended as you had hoped. However, you have taken too much credit for its demise and waited for a woman that is only interested in controlling you. This chapter is over cowboy, time to ride off into the sunset.

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post #386 of 513 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 02:49 PM Thread Starter
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Well I didn't go looking for anything but I have a 19 year old girl with a massive crush on me at work! Remember I am 44! She is nice, funny and very attractive. We have been messaging alot and she likes the idea of going on a date with me.. This is all too surreal..I don't know if this is right but after the emotional beating I have had it's welcome attention and could be fun. Not sure what to do here. It has thrown me out of my comfort zone and feel guilty for it for I feel I am betraying my family and also have issues with the age gap but she has brightened up my life even if temporarily..what do you all think?
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post #387 of 513 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 03:10 PM
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Re: Separated wife only wants to be friends

Andy
You need to date, and get back your life. You have been manipulated and I cannot help but think that the minute you are in a new relationship, suddenly her attitude will change. This, I have seen before. For some reason, be it punishment or screwed up personality, she is torturing you. A new relationship will do wonders for you, and frankly her reasons for ending the marriage hold very little water. I may be talking out my a## here, but she has been used to you as a dad and bank, suddenly she will have to compete. Suddenly there is someone younger and prettier. Suddenly you stop coming when she calls. Essentially, you have been her spouse when she wants without all that sex and cohabitation. This has sent many a woman without crystal clear reasons for divorce either back to the ex, or into therapy. One of my wife's girlfriends admitted that she sought the divorce to punish him for a number of perceived slights. She never considered that he'd go out and find someone new. She thought that they were tethered together. He as a whole new life, with his kids and without her. He is happy, her, bitter and angry with herself and anyone that she felt encouraged her to split.

Last edited by Taxman; 01-24-2017 at 03:22 PM.
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post #388 of 513 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 04:00 PM
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Re: Separated wife only wants to be friends

Take her out for coffee. She will want to bang you.

Don't.
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post #389 of 513 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 04:41 PM Thread Starter
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post #390 of 513 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 05:45 PM
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Re: Separated wife only wants to be friends

Yeah...don't. For now.

But take a photo or two of you guys at Starbucks, and post it on Facebook.

This to ensue:

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