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post #511 of 522 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 08:19 PM
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Re: Separated wife only wants to be friends

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She has reverted
No, she didn't. She showed you her true colors and like they say once the genie is out......

Yeah it is your marriage, but lets be honest with each other now. She had every RIGHT to be angry with your porn use. She had every right to divorce you over the issue when you were warned. Let's make one thing absolutely clear SHE is the only one who has held fast to EVERY boundary you have related to us in this thread. Here's the thing, you have noted MULTIPLE partners in her cheating. This is where my problem lies in you saying she reverted back.

If your child brings home a failing grade, you don't beat them, move them to a new school and hold them back a grade. You work with them.
Yes, your porn use was awful to her, but the response isn't to go out and have sex with every guy you meet because your husband made you feel inadequate. You work with him or leave.

Mid life was a way to keep you around and it worked.

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post #512 of 522 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 09:15 PM
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Re: Separated wife only wants to be friends

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Originally Posted by Andy101 View Post
Blue..what do I need to change in settings?


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Originally Posted by Xenote View Post
So tell me again why you can't move back until the divorce final


Andy, the divorce was finalized. Change your status in your profile from separated to something else. Divorced. Single. Whatever you prefer.
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post #513 of 522 (permalink) Old 02-25-2017, 10:24 PM
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Re: Separated wife only wants to be friends

why are you not going back to your house to live. Tell your wife you have a right and you want to be with your kids. Show wife you have guts which she think you do not have. I think she is seeing someone (confirmed did not read every thing). her accusing you of porn is a lame excuse to end the marriage

I need to consult a lawyer first. I will collect the rest of my stuff from the attic and change my address. I need a clean break. All this feels so surreal. Never thought I would actually seriously start doing this. NO DO THE OPPOSITE MOVE IN SAY YOU DO NOT LIKE MEN AROUND YOUR KIDS. This will irritate as well. You were a fool to move out in the first place

Last edited by curious234; 02-25-2017 at 11:02 PM.
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post #514 of 522 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 01:21 AM Thread Starter
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It still drives me crazy though. She xame to pick the kids up and looked hot. I didn't say anything, just handed over their weekend bag. She asked if they had a good weekend. I said yes fine thanks. Later I wanted to know if they had settled ok for the night. She text saying that they had a good weekend and that I am doing a good job....but it was worded in a way that isn't her normal way if writing...I left it at that as she was online to the other guy. Why can I not just stop thinking about her? Its not healthy anymore.
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post #515 of 522 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 07:53 AM
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Re: Separated wife only wants to be friends

Andy,

I have been a follower of you since the beginning. We joined TAM same day, in same professional, and both were addicted to women we cannot have. I won't insult you by comparing my story to yours, but I do somewhat understand what you are doing through.

The other posters are right. You will be able to move on once you find another woman. (For me it helped to go no contact or greatly reduced contact since we still work in same place.) You cannot go no contact because of the girls. But you can move on. One day at a time.

Now that you KNOW, KNOW, KNOW she is playing a game with you, that has got to help, at least logically. You can choose to play, or not. You are not a dog that needs a "good boy" from your ex. Unlike many of the others, I think you need a date or two. Someone over 35 yo.

You never did tell us your weight and height. We know you lost 4 stone a while back and got slimmer. Are you very fit? Why not? Get fit for YOU. She will notice, but that is not your motive.

I might be wrong here, so I apologize in advance if I am, since I have no kids, but are you using the kids as an excuse to text your ex? Asking if they are "settled ok for the night"? What kind of reply did you expect? Asking if the kids had a good weekend is ok, as you are asking if they are any problems. Asking if they are in bed is a stretch, unless there is some issue (insomnia, nightmares, etc) that would warrant this question.

Texting is torture when trying to forget someone. Every text, even from the ***** of an ex wife that you have, gives you a rush. Text ONLY WHEN NECESSARY. Can you do that?

Trying listing what is good about you. This is what I see:

1) Prime age - sought after by woman
2) Physically fit (maybe can do a little better by hitting the gym more)
3) Great profession/career
4) Financially stable
5) Very caring, loving father
6) Great friend

Update and change your hair style and appearance. Ditch the same old cut, ask your barber for something more modern. It boosts confidence. Get some better clothes. Dress sharp, at work, at home, when you pick up the girls. (But don't do it for ex). It made a big difference to how I felt and helped me through my issue.

And your question isn't "Why can I not just stop thinking about her?" It is "Why WON'T I just stop thinking about her?"

I think you know the answer so your friends here will ask the ultimate question:

"Do you want to get back with her or do you hope to get back with her?" If the answer to either of those is Yes or maybe, that is why you won't or can't stop thinking about her.
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post #516 of 522 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 04:35 PM
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Re: Separated wife only wants to be friends

I have not read the last few replies but from what I can see you have tried to buy her love

when you should have been commanding her respect. You must unlearn what you have learned.

She is NOT your W, your partner, your friend, your comrade, she is you ADVERSARY.

NOTHING will change until YOU decide it to. Now I will be cold blooded....

She jokes about you with her b/f, they spend your kid's money on their needs, desires,

If she tried to do to POSOM what she did to you, he would tell her to "kiss off"

This is a pattern you MUST break.... you should want respect more than anything.

Her disagreeing but respecting is a boatload better than her using you as a puppet for her amusement.

Like a drunk admitting s/he is a drunk, that is the first step AND half the battle.

Grow back your balls and start dictating. She don't like it, awww po baybee, see you in court.

Even if you lose on every front, you go down fighting....... BTW that never happens....

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #517 of 522 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 05:59 PM
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Re: Separated wife only wants to be friends

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Originally Posted by blueinbr View Post
Andy,

I have been a follower of you since the beginning. We joined TAM same day, in same professional, and both were addicted to women we cannot have. I won't insult you by comparing my story to yours, but I do somewhat understand what you are doing through.

The other posters are right. You will be able to move on once you find another woman. (For me it helped to go no contact or greatly reduced contact since we still work in same place.) You cannot go no contact because of the girls. But you can move on. One day at a time.

Now that you KNOW, KNOW, KNOW she is playing a game with you, that has got to help, at least logically. You can choose to play, or not. You are not a dog that needs a "good boy" from your ex. Unlike many of the others, I think you need a date or two. Someone over 35 yo.

You never did tell us your weight and height. We know you lost 4 stone a while back and got slimmer. Are you very fit? Why not? Get fit for YOU. She will notice, but that is not your motive.

I might be wrong here, so I apologize in advance if I am, since I have no kids, but are you using the kids as an excuse to text your ex? Asking if they are "settled ok for the night"? What kind of reply did you expect? Asking if the kids had a good weekend is ok, as you are asking if they are any problems. Asking if they are in bed is a stretch, unless there is some issue (insomnia, nightmares, etc) that would warrant this question.

Texting is torture when trying to forget someone. Every text, even from the ***** of an ex wife that you have, gives you a rush. Text ONLY WHEN NECESSARY. Can you do that?

Trying listing what is good about you. This is what I see:

1) Prime age - sought after by woman
2) Physically fit (maybe can do a little better by hitting the gym more)
3) Great profession/career
4) Financially stable
5) Very caring, loving father
6) Great friend

Update and change your hair style and appearance. Ditch the same old cut, ask your barber for something more modern. It boosts confidence. Get some better clothes. Dress sharp, at work, at home, when you pick up the girls. (But don't do it for ex). It made a big difference to how I felt and helped me through my issue.

And your question isn't "Why can I not just stop thinking about her?" It is "Why WON'T I just stop thinking about her?"

I think you know the answer so your friends here will ask the ultimate question:

"Do you want to get back with her or do you hope to get back with her?" If the answer to either of those is Yes or maybe, that is why you won't or can't stop thinking about her.
Even if he doesn't realize it the whole texting about the kids was just an excuse to make contact with her.

While a date or two would give him an ego boost and a temporary boost in self confidence he hasn't even accepted the fact he's divorced yet. He's got to figure out and fix why he's so stuck and get himself confident in himself otherwise he's just going to pick another that will walk all over him.

Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday
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post #518 of 522 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 06:23 PM
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Re: Separated wife only wants to be friends

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Originally Posted by honcho View Post
Even if he doesn't realize it the whole texting about the kids was just an excuse to make contact with her.



While a date or two would give him an ego boost and a temporary boost in self confidence he hasn't even accepted the fact he's divorced yet. He's got to figure out and fix why he's so stuck and get himself confident in himself otherwise he's just going to pick another that will walk all over him.


A £400 coat says you are right. I'm trying to get him to change his relationship status in his profile.

Andy, how about a new thread

"Moving on from a manipulative ex wife". And im not joking or being sarcastic.

This is a new chapter in your life. The separation is over.
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post #519 of 522 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 09:31 PM
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Re: Separated wife only wants to be friends

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Originally Posted by blueinbr View Post
A £400 coat says you are right. I'm trying to get him to change his relationship status in his profile.

Andy, how about a new thread

"Moving on from a manipulative ex wife". And im not joking or being sarcastic.

This is a new chapter in your life. The separation is over.
Not a bad idea. Just be careful when you start a new thread.... some people may insinuate

you are drunk....

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #520 of 522 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 02:30 AM
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Re: Separated wife only wants to be friends

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Not a bad idea. Just be careful when you start a new thread.... some people may insinuate



you are drunk....


She doesn't follow this thread. :-/

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post #521 of 522 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 06:52 AM
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Re: Separated wife only wants to be friends

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Originally Posted by Andy101 View Post
Another vile torrent followed last night. I was told that if I didn't get back in time to collect the kids, she would have no choice but to invite her guy to the house and take the relationship to the next level, sooner than she had hoped. She continued by saying that she wanted to keep her dating on a casual basis but I left her no choice!

I did make it back and get the girls out of there. I have no idea if that was her plan anyway tonight and she was just emotionally blackmailing me.

This is a woman I trusted and loved for over a decade. I am struggling to believe that someone could be so cruel to another human being let alone the father of her kids.

I will contact my accountant and solicitor on Monday regarding protecting my assets. I am worried that if try and sell the house right now, she may go for my money. In a way she exposed her hand so it will give me some time to get my house in order.

My mental state is my main concern now. She is barely recognisable since the new guy..she looks at me like she wants to kill me...how can she just switch like this?
Is this a normal pattern of behaviour when someone has a new love interest after divorce?

She hates me ignoring her and just makes her more demanding and vindictive. I'm not being mr nice guy. I'm just being careful of her games as she really is dangerous.
Good grief she is evil and manipulative.
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post #522 of 522 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 05:20 PM
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Re: Separated wife only wants to be friends

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Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
Good grief she is evil and manipulative.
She gets away with what he allows her to. She trained him well. IIRC, he told me back in the summer

his WW came from severe dysfunction. WW is the carbon copy of her mom. She groomed Andy to carbon

her step dad. Andy... you train people how to treat you. If you showed her by action, you will not

tolerate any type of BS.... would she have still cheated? I don't know, no one does.

BUT... she might have tried to jerk your chains a couple times just to test you. Confident Andy

would have not put up with any of that. Your thread is almost a year old.... nothing has changed

for you positively (except D final).

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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