Re: Separated wife only wants to be friends
Time, in my experience, will surely help. But until I accepted my marriage was over and had zero hope, the pain really didn't lessen over time all that much.
Once I realized my life with her was over, and that there was nothing I could do to stop my family being broken apart, I started slowly improving. I forced myself to date. In truth, I dated just to spite her for a while. It was helpful because what she had done destroyed my self image and I didn't think there was a decent woman that would have me. I didn't think there were any women my age out there that weren't low class divorcees that nobody wanted. Honestly, I always thought divorced people were people that just couldn't keep a promise. Of course I realized it's not always their fault.
There is life after divorce. Yes, this will always bother you. Yes, it's going to take a long time to get over. Yes, you are going to be in pain for a while.
But, you WILL find happiness again IF you do your part and force yourself to think about a different future little by little, and then do things to make it happen. I took Zoloft for about 2 months and it helped. I never knew what a panic attack was until this divorce started. It's a terrible, helpless feeling to know there's not a damn thing you can do to change your wife's mind. It's hard to get your head around the fact that YOUR OWN WIFE doesn't love you anymore. I constantly racked my brain trying to figure out how to get my family back, how to be a man my ex would want again, how I could say I'm sorry for whatever I had done so she'd understand I meant it. Trying to understand the WHY of it all. That was a waste of time, and brought me nothing but pain.
You've got to get to the point that you realize WHY is not important. What is important is that you know it was not all your fault, and that who IS at fault makes no difference whatsoever since the problem can't be fixed. All you can do is start building a new life without her. Grieve the loss of your marriage, but at the same time, spend as much energy as you can working toward goals of making your own life better.
Do not try to make her happy. This is a time that you have to change your mindset to helping yourself.
I hope you are working with your lawyer on child custody. As it appears, your ex wife is not going to let you have any time alone with them. That's not fair. She won't be fair about it, either, unless the court forces her to.
Doing nothing won't make things better. Move forward.
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