forever learning

well I seem to take a few steps forward then quite a few back. I have 11 days until I get divorced officially.

Today was an eye opener...I had heard from a friend of ours that the stbxw had changed her name back to her previous married name on FB..strange I though but whatever...then I was told also that some dude was seen driving her truck...and that this person was a so called " friend " that her and I had issues about...
I had called her and we were talking about some financial issues and I asked her if I could ask her about a rumor I had heard to clear it up...she said sure...

Well I mentioned to her what I had heard and she became quite mad...She wanted to know who this was that was spreading these rumors...She didn't deny them. Told me that we had talked about her changing her name back to such and such ...I don't remember that but whatever...

So she wouldn't say anything about the person driving her truck...I asked her a couple weeks ago as a courtesy to let me know if she would let me know if she had any feelings for any of her " friends " ...She had always told me that she would if it happened...well she didn't when it happened a few months ago,I shouldn't have been surprised that it happened again...I asked her and she said yes...I asked her is she was intimate and she said that she didn't have to answer my questions anymore....
Fine,I said I can deal with that, but was wondering how she could tell me that she would be this honest person about this and that but in reality I still hear about it through the grapevine.

I also asked her what happened to

" I need to do this to be on my own, I've never been on my own and it something I just need to do right now "

I asked her how being in a relationship with another dude ,which happens to be a different dude then whom she slept with a couple months ago, is being on your own ?

Her response was I was being verbally abusive and not respecting her boundaries ...

I said asking questions and then calling you out on your answers is not abusive its me not being a doormat and calling you out on your bs answers..

Anyway thats how that conversation went....She tried to turn everything around on me and I realized that in deed she was the one who hasn't changed...

It was a very sad eye opening moment...

CJ2

OMG ! I have had that same conversation 3 times in the past . Same exact questions and same exact responses. They never want to tell us what they are doing because they are up tp no good and they don't wanna have to admit it to themselves ! Every time she needed her space and just wanted to be alone, she was caught in bed with some dude within 10 days of leaving me. Then came back all apologetic within 2 months and left again within the next 6 months with the same excuse and blaming me for being controlling. 10 days later she was in bed with another guy. My son is the one that walked in on them both times. Take their evasion as an answer " I don't wanna be with you , you just don't do it for me " . This will make it easier to let go . I am still trying to get over it , cause she just left again for the 3rd time 2 weeks ago with the same bull**** excuse. There won't be a 4th time.
Hang in there and just totally let go. Stop searching for answers you already know. Very tough to do but has to be done!

forever learning

Sorry to hear your going through the same CJ2 (by the way do you fly one )

I am finally done with her. I am emotionally tapped!!!!
I have been hanging on and hoping, I have made the mistake of letting guilt from my wrong doings overshadow what she has been doing to me and I let her walk all over me..... She is nothing but a liar and a cheat...

I mentioned to her that she was on the same merry go round and that she was going to find herself in the same situation in the not to distant future.
I told her that if she wanted to be with a dude that knew that what they were doing was wrong...and i texted him and he knew I was not ok with any of it so guess what he will do it again and when he does have fun with it...
(and that you had done it already with someone else recently and he was ok with that you guys are off to a good start)

CJ2

Yeah , we just have to realize that they don't here anything of what we try so hard to explain to them . We try to show them that they have what they really should want but we have to realize that they really don't want it, not with us anyway ! The more we try to coerce them back to us the further they will get until there is no point of return. It's just us having to figure out how many dix we are willing to let in our women before we learn this.It will never get better. In saying that , I have become very codependent over the years and if you are not aware of codependency , I suggest you read up on it. It is very enlightening and will explain alot of things to you. You definitely have symptoms of it and like me have become a prisoner to it. You need to never look back . I am just starting back on my road and it is gonna be a long drive by the looks. My whole story at Very Lost and Broken ! .... Very Long .... Very Long it will show you a life of codependant behavior. We are enablers and we allow this to happen to us. We actually desire and beg for it to happen again ! Read this too it might be helpful. Curious if you experienced this too The Images !

CJ2

I am not doing good at all tonight. Can't stop crying and gonna be very hard to work tomorrow. Thank God I have the weekend off . Im gonna need it

Lostouthere

Hey keep your head up it does get better. Man that is ruff and Im sorry you had to go through that today. It does make it that much worse but it creates anger which can be good to get through it.

forever learning

CJ...

Hang in there !!! Let the emotions flow...its a mother hummer of a roller coaster your on ...Ive been on it for a bit and I am ready to get of it...You will be better off without her in the long run, you deserve someone better ...

CJ2

Thanks everyone ! Very helpful words. Now I'm gonna try to get some sleep for the first time in 3 days. Work in 5 hrs . Uhgg !

CJ2

Another tough day ! Was late for work , just totally exhausted. My son came home tonight and said mommy had a guy friend over and they were talking in the bedroom. I aked her about it in a text and she hasn't responded. Figures ! I am so lost right now.

ing

Me too. I felt love just drain out of me.



This is so weird. The script just keeps going on and on..


Another few..
" I am entitled to this"
" I need to find myself right now."
If I challenged her she said.
"far out"
"We aren't in a relationship so I will not tell you about my private life"

Then she tried flirting with me! It would have worked and thrown me into a hole a month or two ago.
I just felt abused.

forever learning

I got the same line about her private life too....In recent events I have 100% found out her relationship has been going on for longer than she would admit...She said since we were done she didnt owe me anything about her private life...

I played into being the " back up plan " she would give me tidbits of hope to keep me strung along...well now the other dude now moved to our town and lives with her....and I am the one who should have known we were done...so I am told by her...go figure.

one week from today I am legally done with her...I am digging deep for strength. I have been beaten and beaten....

Lon

weird thing about my stbxw, at first she said she wanted to keep my last name for consistency with our son, and I said fine she could do whatever she wanted. Her first name is two syllables and now she seems to have dropped the last name on everything from her facebook to her business phone greeting, and instead split her first name into two separate names (even adds a pause on her phone greetings). It seems kind of corny and ridiculous, so it seems to suit her new lifestyle, lol.