landgazr

Well, the bomb was dropped this morning.

My wife says she wants to get a mediator and file for legal separation.

She says she wants to hold off on divorce but she won't tell me why.

You can view our background here (just look at the first post):

She doesn't love me anymore???

But to sum it up, she says she doesn't love me anymore. She says she can't feel give love nor receive love.
She says she feels empty, hollow inside. She says she has past issues that she needs to work out.
And she doesn't know how long that process will take. She says that
it wasn't me at all. That I didn't fail her or her family. She doesn't want to live as roommates. That
would be too awkward for her. But I asked her yet again today if she wants to see other men, and if she
is seeing someone else. The answer to both questions was no. She doesn't want to try to date or reconnect.
She says she just wants to be happy. She says she realizes that separation likely will end in divorce.

I don't know what we are going to do about the mortgage right now. But I want to do right by my kids.

There is a 16-year old stepdaughter involved - she says she wants a place to stay in both houses. She says
I am the only dad she has.

But we have a 3-year old son together. She says he is 50/50. She just got a three-bedroom place
without telling me. But I don't know if that is the best thing to do for him. My parents tell me
I should fight for full legal custody. My wife says that I will not take him away from her. Shouldn't
he need constancy? A place to always go? A parent that is always there?

I don't know what to do. Should I change the locks now like my folks are begging me to do?

My probably soon to be ex-wife says that I can't take him away, that she is not unfair, unreasonable
or unfit. And I believe her. But SHE is the one who walked out.

I don't want this to get ugly. But if the right thing for my son is full legal custody, then it WILL
get ugly. My wife says I'll have to prove she is unfit.

I am so confused. Has anyone gone through anything similar? What is the right thing to do?

Shaggy

Hire a PI,there is almost always another guy in these stories, and the WW will never admit it.

If she wants to separate, then pull away all financing you provide and cancel a joint CCand debt.

Next meet with a divorce attorney and stop wasting time catering to her.
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gearhead65

I agree. I also think the sooner you can come to terms with the fact hat she isn't the person you married anymore the better off you will be. Start protecting yourself now. Don't change the locks it will only provoke the situation right now. Talk with an attorney first, next stop should be a PI, and then a therapist for yourself. Start taking care of you and focus on the kids. Let her fend for herself. She's only saying that she doesn't want it to get ugly to protect/comfort herself. These things are rarely ever not ugly when one spouse still loves the other.

GearHead

Lostouthere

I agree with shaggy and gearhead. I would almost gurantee there is someone else involved and she is wanting to string you along as the backup plan right now. Dont cater to her needs and talk wait a attorney. Its a iffy situation on the lock changing. I changed my locks as soon as she left but she could have broke in and done whatever and nothing I could have done about it at that time but she did not know that

Lon

I too wouldn't be surprised if there wasn't someone else... my W was saying the same things and was seemingly always honest with me until, not coincidentally, she really started to express her discomfort around me (the same time her affairs were starting). She can feed you a convincing argument that she really just needs to be alone to find herself and be happy and doesn't want a roomate, but that probably just doesn't sit right with you because your gut says something else. But either way she is following through with this decision, so you just tell her once that you want to make the marriage work but if she leaves there is nothing to work on and you will let her go, then follow up with a mediator and if she strings that process out get your own lawyer and start the separation agreement and divorce.

RunningOnEmpty

Unless your wife is a bad mother, into drugs, alcohol, abuse, etc... the best thing for your kids is to have BOTH parents in their lives.

If you change the locks, while still married,up until a court says otherwise, she can come back with a locksmith and police, and break the locks, and change them.

If you decline your W's offer of 50/50, and you file for full custody, make sure you are doing it for the right reasons.... for the benefit of your kids.

And go consult with a lawyer.

PBear

Consulting with a lawyer is a good idea. Up here, the starting point for negotiations seems to be 50/50. Cheating is not grounds for changing that (plus you'd have to prove it in court). And if one party makes an offer in good faith that the other party chooses to fight unnecessarily, the second party can be held liable for the first party's legal bills for that fight.

C
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Tommo

Sounds like a SEINFELD I saw: "It's not you...it's ME!"

But you got the message loud and clear. Too bad the kid's not as cluey as you. Tough situation, Mate. Commiserations...