I am wondering if anyone out there feels the same way I do. My husband moved out 2 weeks ago. Since then I have been just numb. I really don't think we can work through the issues and I don't even want to try right now.
Yesterday I packed up all of his clothes and sent them over to him via a mutual friend so there would not be any confrontation. I was the one who wanted the separation. But looking at the empty closet for the first time affected me so much.
It was like a ton of bricks hit me. I guess panic set in. Like wow I am really on my own. I have 4 kids and right now he is not helping financially and he hasn't even asked about them. Which is giving the feeling he has no intention of helping in the future.
He lost his job in 2007 and hasn't worked since. He opened a business which is not making any money and has drained our finances to help support it. I have worked 50 hours a week trying to keep everything together and all he did was complain about it. He was upset because he had to go pick up the babysitter so I could go to work to support him. He was mad because I had to go to work during the week <extra shifts> I picked up and he had to watch the kids while I was working.
He was upset because he had to chip in and help with household chores. He just really didn't want to do anything. Which is what lead to the separation.
On top of that he had "friends" <other women> mostly X's that he was texting and contacting on facebook. I told him numerous times I was not comfortable with this. He was always so secretive about his cell phone, he wouldn't allow me to go near the damn thing. He kept it locked all the time. He even slept with it under his pillow. Then he tells me I'm being crazy and suspicious. Well yeah.
He sent me an email yesterday upset because I told him right now I need my time and space and would not even consider marriage counseling or trying to work things out. I just feel like I have been trying, and trying for years. I feel like I have been banging my head against a wall. And he just wouldn't hear me. He wouldn't respect me. He wouldn't acknowledge he has his priorities all screwed up.
Well anywhoo he sent me an email telling me how much I screwed his business because I was not going to give him the money he needs. He didn't ask about the kids. You know sorry this happend. How are they handling this. He didn't ask if they needed anything. When can he see them. Nothing.
So I really feel the separation is the best thing. But I'm still sad. I'm sad for the kids. I have a 12year old son. 2 daughters one is 6, the other 3 and the littlest one is almost 2.
I have this incredible panic that I will spend the rest of my life alone. I'm not sure what the dating scene is like, but I have 4 children. I don't know what kind of man is willing to take that on. On top of that, I am questioning whether I am strong enough to do this by myself. My head is telling me I have been doing it alone for a long time but the empty closet just solidified everything.
I am feeling very alone and don't right scared right now. I mean I can't go back to him but how can I go forward. Does anyone else ever feel like this.
I feel like I was in my marriage by myself. But I also already feel the loss of the other person. It is almost like losing your pinky toe. It doesn't get help much but it is there for balance. I'm not sure that makes sense but I'm having a emotional meltdown right now. So forgive me.
Rollercoaster 
