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Wife living in an alternate reality???

22K views 154 replies 31 participants last post by  Mr The Other 
#1 ·
My wife, possibly STBXW, calls me on Sunday and asks if she can come by to pick up some stuff. She's still in transition to her own place (eventually). She's still living with her parents for the last five weeks. I said, you can come by, no problem. She comes in and some small chatter, initially mostly positive, with a hug and a kiss (???). Then, as she's getting some stuff, she says this is very frustrating and angering. I said, I see. She said this whole ordeal is my fault and you should be ashamed of our situation. I was like, umm, you have no fault. Nope, it's mostly you, I am just a victim. Hmm.. Do you know how much rent is? Utilities? How it is to be uprooted from your home out of no where? I said, umm, yes, I've moved a few times. You had six weeks notice, and that was nearly two months ago. You've not looked anywhere. She said, she can only afford seedy areas, and it's my fault she's in this situation. She also is "forced" to sleep on her parents couch, but the extra bed is in an area of their home where it's just too hot (for her) to sleep. So she's "forced" to sleep on this couch in a cold, damp area of their home. I said I can understand your frustration, but it's not all my fault. You refuse to communicate. She then said you are difficult and hard to live with. I said really, how so? She said she will not get into it. I do not see how this is reality. You lived in a home that I paid all taxes, utilities, upkeep, food, services, cable, etc. You paid for just medical insurance and some restaurants. She said that was the agreement. I said with who? She said me. I was never there for this agreement. When you came home from work, you had dinner waiting for you most nights, with no appreciation. The weekends you spend with your friends and family since the beginning of the year, not with me. We sleep in separate beds for the last year or so. You refused to even try to come back to the main bedroom. You curse me out and talk horribly to me. You skipped my birthday two years in a row (but got a gift). Told me Valentine's Day was hard for you. We've not had intimacy in well over a year. What am I missing? I do not want to get into this she said. I said, okay, but how to you make one statement, but then, when examples I provide, you have response to? I ask you for examples, but you cannot recall any. Please, explain so I can understand better. Perhaps I am not understanding where you're coming from. Additional information would be of great help.

She said, I'm about done with what I need. I will see you in a few. Another kiss on the lips (she initiated, not me) and two hugs. So, maybe someone else can tell me what I am missing here. She's kissed me more times on Sunday than she has in the last six months. I am so lost...
 
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#4 ·
I feel for you but I think it's time to move on. The more you let her play these games with you the more you're going to be set up for a fall.

From what I read in you past threads the marriage is done. 2 people who want to stay married both work at it. If you are the only one working at it then she has the upper hand.

The only way you get the upper hand now is to let her go.

Fix your sh!t for YOU. You can't make her fix her sh!t.

Some marriages fail, and you have to accept that. You'll find another women and that women will want to be with a strong confident guy. Not one she can walk all over.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#5 ·
Seems pretty simple to me, you're wife is playing games with you and she's running circles around you.

If want some advice, I suggest you practice these non-committal statements:

"Wow."

"Well, that's interesting."

"Huh, you don't say?"

When she tries to force a direct answer from you, just flip it around on her:

"What do you mean by that?"

"Why the hostility?"

"Where'd that come from?"

"How'd you come up with that?"


She's trying to make you the bad guy. Facts and logic mean nothing to her, just how she feels and she feels that YOU ARE BAD.

There is no need to play nice with someone like this.
 
#11 ·
This, 100%. If you engage with her in where your marriage went wrong, you can only cause yourself more pain. It's illogical. She's illogical.

I've found when XH bemoans his current situation (also self-inflicted, like your STBXW), that "I'm sorry to hear that" and then silence tends to end the conversation. I'm not interested in hearing more from him, because I genuinely don't care. All you achieve when you try and get logical responses from her about why you were so hard to live with or what you did wrong is your own frustration. Don't invite more angst into your life. The next few months will be stressful enough already. Take care of yourself, OP.
 
#14 ·
No chance. The woman has ZERO interest in sex. She speaks to her mom (before moving out) 2 - 4 hours EVERY DAY. A bit weird for a woman her age. Yet, few words to me. However, before she moved in, talked every day for an hour or two.

I also tapped her phone and tracked her location for a month. Nothing. She wouldn't be that stupid. I overheard her several times tell her mom that she thinks I am tracking her and monitoring her phone. She is married to a security consultant. LOL.
 
#7 ·
BETTER would be to go watch TV in another room, but quietly monitor what she is taking from the house. do not engage in conversation if possible. and no arguing.

Make sure that the things you really want or need, especially legal documents, cash, valuables, are not where she can get at them.

If she has a house key, change the locks. Even if she gave it back to you she could have made copies.

If at all possible, get a list from her of what she needs to take from the house and shift all those things to a room by the front door, ready for her to take.

Do not let her graze indiscriminately throughout the house.

As for those kisses? too little, too late. Don't let her play on your emotions. go cold, finish the divorce and parting of belongings.
 
#12 ·
I think, her complaining that she cannot afford rent in a nice area in town is her trying to get me to call everything off and let her back into the home. We're no where near that in my mind. She needs to be honest, not live in this BS she calls reality. I also do not know how she cannot find a place to live that is affordable. I picked out some nice places in her range, she said she doesn't need my help, but thanks. I said, okay, then stop complaining. Then she goes back and bashing me. I said everyone pays rent or a mortgage. Since I covered this, you didn't feel the financial pain. Seems much different when you're having to pay your share, no? She then goes into where she'll only have a few hundred left, if she's lucky after expenses. Well, not sure what to tell you I said. Next time, don't treat your partner like crap. She does her eyes to the sky look.

It still just feels horrible. Though, it is a relief that she's not at the home. She cannot get in, as I changed the passcode. LOL. She was a bit upset about that. I honestly believe she feels that this is a power struggle and that she will be the victor. There is no power struggle from my side. I am tired of being treated like sh!t and being made to look like the bad guy in front of everyone. I did my best to make the home and our life the best possible. She's done jack sh!t. It is just very upsetting. Not sure how I could ever trust another woman again. This really hurts.
 
#9 ·
You need to not engage when she starts in on this sh!t. If she wants to whine about her sleeping/living arrangements etc, you can just say "not my problem" and then leave the room. Because that's truth, what SHE has to deal with is NOT your problem. She is a big girl and has to be responsible for herself, maybe if she had taken better care of her marriage she wouldn't be IN this predicament.

Too bad so sad.
 
#10 ·
No dog yet. Trying to get through this ordeal first. It is just very hard, as I am trying to figure out how everything fell apart. Nothing makes any sense. I know I am looking for a rational response and correction, but part of me wants to know WTF happened. How does someone you've been through thick and thin, and we were by each others side through everything become so disenfranchised and just pop?? Was it all fake? Part of me feel like I was played as a dummy. Part of me just wants to know WHY. I know the later I'll probably never know the answer to. It just hurts very badly.
 
#109 ·
Maybe someone else can tell me what I am missing here. She's kissed me more times on Sunday than she has in the last six months. I am so lost...
Almost, just 30 minutes after you started this thread, @Farsidejunky suspected that what is "missing here" is your ability to recognize the warning signs for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). That's why Farside signaled me by putting my name in post #3 above. He knows I lived with a BPDer exW for 15 years. I therefore have been following your thread for three weeks. Until now, however, I've not seen you mention a sufficient number of BPD traits to warrant bringing this possibility to your attention.

I just want to know what in the world happened. That is all.
The behaviors you describe -- i.e., irrational anger, very controlling behavior, inability to trust, temper tantrums, lack of impulse control, periods of low empathy, always being "The Victim," and a rapid flip between Jekyll (adoring you) to Hyde (devaluing you) -- are some of the classic warning signs for BPD. Importantly, I'm not suggesting your STBXW has full-blown BPD but, rather, that she may exhibit moderate to strong traits of it.

I caution that BPD is not something a person "has" or "doesn't have" because every adult on the planet occasionally exhibits all BPD traits to some degree (albeit at a low level if the person is healthy). At issue, then, is not whether your STBXW exhibits BPD traits. Of course she does. We all do.

Rather, at issue is whether she exhibits those traits at a strong and persistent level (i.e., is on the upper end of the BPD spectrum). Not having met her, I cannot answer that question. Yet, as Farside does, I believe you can spot any strong BPD warning signs that are present if you take a little time to learn which behaviors are on the list. They are not difficult to spot because there is nothing subtle about behaviors such as always being "The Victim," lack of impulse control, childishness, and temper tantrums.

She's about as independent as a 2 year old child....
If your STBXW exhibits strong and persistent BPD traits, this statement likely is far closer to reality than you imagine. BPDers (i.e., those exhibiting such strong traits) typically have the emotional development of a 3 or 4 year old. This is why they lack the emotional skills to manage their own emotions and why they lack a strong sense of self identity.

She wasn't like this until she moved in and we got married.... When we were dating and engaged, she was wonderful. I just do not understand the transformation into this she-devil.
If your STBXW has strong traits of narcissism or sociopathy, you were simply tricked by her deceptions. If she is a BPDer, however, that is unlikely. During the courtship period, a BPDer is so infatuated with you that she is convinced you are the nearly perfect man who has come to rescue her from unhappiness and provide the self identity she sorely needs. In that way, her infatuation holds her two fears (abandonment and engulfment) at bay. This is why, during the courtship, BPDers typically are very passionate and genuinely love the sexual intimacy.

When we were engaged, sex got less and less.
With BPDers, it is common for sex to go off a cliff right after the wedding day, if not before. The reason is that, as soon as her infatuation starts to evaporate, her two fears return. Significantly, one of these fears is "engulfment," i.e., the suffocating feeling of being controlled and taken over by your partner. Because a BPDer has a weak, fragile sense of self, she is strongly attracted to a man having a strong personality -- who thus is able to provide the stability, grounding, and sense of direction one gets from having a strong self identity.

Yet, as soon as you provide EXACTLY THAT to a BPDer, she will quickly start feeling engulfed and controlled by you. Her ego is so weak that, during intimacy, she quickly starts feeling like she is evaporating into thin air -- losing herself into your strong personality.

This is why a BPDer typically starts the very WORST fights immediately after (or during) the very BEST of times -- e.g., right after an intimate evening or great weekend spent together -- or in the middle of a wonderful expensive vacation. Although BPDers crave intimacy like nearly every other adult, they cannot tolerate it for very long.

I am trying to figure out how everything fell apart. Nothing makes any sense.... Was it all fake?
Again, if she exhibits strong narcissim or sociopathy, it almost certainly was "all fake" and she never really loved you. If she exhibits strong BPD traits, however, she likely did truly love you -- albeit in the very immature way that young children are able to love. Sadly, that type of love falls far short of the mature love that is required to sustain a marriage or other close LTR with another adult.

I consider this a failure, thus I tried really really hard to resurrect our marriage.
If your STBXW really is a BPDer, you never failed at a husband-wife relationship. You never had such a relationship. Instead, you had a parent-child relationship. Moreover, you had such a relationship with an adult woman having so little self awareness that she has no desire to fix herself and grow up emotionally.

Having no trust for me for no reason.
If she is a BPDer, her inability to trust is to be expected. Because BPDers have weak self identities and are unable to regulate their own emotions, they know they cannot trust THEMSELVES. Until they learn how to do that, they cannot trust anyone else.

The result is that a BPDer wife typically will administer sh!t tests to see if her H is trustworthy at this moment in time. Passing one of these tests accomplishes nothing because the BPDer is incapable of trusting you a few days -- or a few hours -- later. Hence, passing one test only means she will raise the hoop higher the next time she challenges you to jump through it.

Making up things to tell your best friend and Mom/Dad about me which are not even true, but you, for some weird reason think they are.
Smart observation. If she is a BPDer, she likely believes most of the absurd allegations coming out of her mouth. And, a week later when she is claiming the exact opposite, she likely will believe that nonsense too. BPDers frequently experience very intense feelings due to their inability to regulate their own emotions. These feelings are so intense that they distort the BPDer's perception of other peoples' intentions and motivations. This is why BPD is said to be a "thought distortion."

Not caring at all about my needs.
BPDers can be very caring individuals. Their problem is not being unable to care. Rather, it is being unable to care consistently. They are so emotionally immature that they rely heavily on "black-white thinking," wherein they categorize everyone as "all good" (white) or "all bad" (black). When a BPDer is perceiving of you as "all good" (i.e., "splitting you white"), she likely will exhibit very caring behavior. If you make the mistake of trying to establish a close LTR with her, however, you will start triggering her two great fears: abandonment and engulfment. Once her infatuation evaporates, she will start splitting you black. During these times, she will not be caring or empathetic.

Maybe down the line she'll appreciate what she had.... I doubt it though.
If she is a BPDer, you are correct. It will be impossible for you to build up a store of appreciation that later can be drawn on during the hard times. With BPDers, trying to build up a store of good will is as foolish as trying to build a lasting sandcastle beside the sea. It will all be washed aside by the next wave of intense feelings flooding her mind. This is why, with BPDers, it's always "What have you done for me lately?"

Took me hours to make. For Christmas, I had requests for deserts and appetizers. The wife tells them it's all an act.
Like I said, if she is a BPDer, it's always "What have you done for me lately?" You will be lucky if the appreciation lasts a few days or a few hours.

People say she realy didn't change, you just stsrted to open up your eyes and finally saw you received a raw deal.
If she is a BPDer, they likely are correct about her not changing. They likely are mistaken, however, about you having your eyes closed. As I noted above, a BPDer typically is being herself both during the courtship and after the wedding. What changes is the fading of infatuation -- an experience that eventually occurs with every lover on the planet at some point. With BPDers, however, the passing of infatuation allows their fears to return, at which point you cannot avoid triggering her two fears.

The reason you "cannot avoid" triggering them is that the two fears lie at the opposite ends of the very same spectrum. This means that, as you back away from her to avoid triggering her engulfment fear, you necessarily are drawing closer to triggering her abandonment fear. Sadly, there is no midpoints position (between "too close" and "too far away") where you can safely stand. I know because I wasted 15 years hunting for that Goldilocks position, which simply does not exist.

When the choices of being miserable marriage or no marriage at all, she'd rather be in the miserable marriage.... She is not a person who likes to be alone with her own thoughts.
Because BPDers have very little sense of who they really are, they don't even have a "self" to keep themselves company when they are alone. BPDers therefore absolutely HATE to be alone. They need someone to provide the missing self identity. And they need someone to blame for every misfortune so they can get frequent "validation" of their false self image of being "The Victim," always "The Victim." This is why it is common for BPDers to remain in toxic marriages for many years even though they are miserable. And this is why the #2 best-selling BPD book is titled I Hate You, Don't Leave Me!

I just worry that she'll think she has nothing to live for and hurt herself.... She's said several times her life is worthless without a family and she has no point in being here.
If she is a BPDer, she has very low self esteem, has great shame and self loathing, and has a weak self identity. It therefore is not surprising that "self harm" (and threats of self harm) is one of the nine defining traits for BPD.

She feels that she's in this life all by herself, which is untrue.
Yes, but the feeling itself is very real. If she is a BPDer, her perception of reality is whatever intense feeling she is experiencing AT THIS VERY MOMENT. Like a young child, a BPDer is too immature to intellectually challenge the truth of her intense feelings. Instead, a BPDer figures that any feeling that intense MUST be true. BPDers therefore regard strong feelings as self-evident truths and, if you insist, they will come up with some absurd explanation of why that is so.

When challenged with irrefutable proof, they usually will abandon that explanation and quickly replace it with another one just as absurd. And, if you are foolish enough to disprove that explanation, a BPDer will immediately replace it with the very first explanation -- acting as though it had never been discussed in the first place. In this way, BPDer arguments tend to loop back on themselves, being circular. Of course, this also is the way young children argue.

I swear, she just keeps on digging herself deeper and deeper.
If she is a BPDer, she is not trying to make herself more miserable. Rather, her problem is that -- absent years of intensive therapy -- she will be miserable no matter what choice she makes. As I noted above, a BPDer is miserable when she is alone -- because she has little self identity and thus nothing to ground her. Yet, when she draws close to someone, her two great fears -- that of abandonment and engulfment -- will start to be triggered. She therefore will be miserable living with a loved one. This is a sad predicament I would not wish on my worst enemy.

She doesn't show me her checking or credit card statements. She doesn't want me to police her spending, yet she asks questions about mine all the time.
If she has strong BPD traits, it is impossible for you to have a calm, reasoned discussion on any spending decisions without her feeling you are trying to control her. My exW, for example, felt I was controlling her when giving her a surprise gift because I was the one who picked it out. Yet, when I started buying gifts she had already approved beforehand, she still felt controlled because I was the one who decided when to get them. When I gave her a generous monthly budget of "mad money" for fun purchases, she resented me for setting a limit on the budget.

Indeed, I found that it was absolutely impossible for her to NOT FEEL CONTROLLED unless she bought her own gift -- and picked something she knew I would not like. I quickly learned that, if she liked a piece of furniture for our home, it was the kiss of death for me to say I liked it too. In that event, she could not be sure "she" was the one picking it out. Her solution to this dilemma was to pick something she knew I would not like because it was the wrong size or did not match anything else in our home.

For example, we once drove six hours out of state to buy an arm chair. She decided beforehand that it had to be a high-back "wing" chair, i.e., the kind that are so vertical and hard that nobody wants to sit in them. I said "fine," which was the kiss of death for that type of chair. So, by the time we were shopping, she switched her preference to the absolute opposite: a soft, feminine, overstuffed arm chair with matching ottoman. Although it was very expensive, I said "excellent choice." So that killed off this idea too.

She then said she was in love with a pink-colored soft chair. When I objected that it didn't match any of the several colors in our living room, she insisted that the pink fabric was really "yellow." Never mind that two other customers on the showroom floor agreed with me that it was pink. The result is that we drove six hours back home without any chair at all.

Please tell me what I did wrong.... I honestly want to learn so I can attempt to avoid this again in the future.
Learning to spot BPD warning signs will not enable you to diagnose your STBXW's issues. Yet, like learning warning signs for stroke and heart attack, learning those for BPD may help you avoid a very painful situation -- e.g., avoid taking her back or avoid running into the arms of another woman just like her.

I therefore recommend you see a psychologist -- for a visit or two all by yourself -- to obtain a candid professional opinion on what it is that you have been dealing with. I also suggest that, while you're looking for a good psych, you read about BPD warning signs to see if they seem to apply.

An easy place to start reading is my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs. If most sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Maybe's Thread. If that description rings any bells, I would be glad to join the other respondents in discussing them with you. Take care, Almost.
 
#17 ·
I am so lost...
Seems fairly straight forward. She is trying to manipulate you with guilt and affection. Stop letting her hug and kiss you. Get some boundaries and stop piecemealing her stuff. Dump ALL of it on her parents lawn and go NO CONTACT. Start working on the 180 ASAP.
 
#19 ·
There are a few moments in life when we have a flash of clarity. I was moving a lady out of my apartment, into a friend’s apartment. It was a shame, but this lady was spoilt and comically unreasonable. We had not seen the apartment, but it sounded nice.
The apartment was not good. It was tiny and it would be her, her friend and a young child. There was not room for a separate sofa, just a crammed bedroom for the Mother and child to share a small bed and a largish chair for her. There was a bathroom shared with other apartments.
I thought to myself, “She can’t stay here”
She looked at me to say, “I can’t stay here”
Then I suddenly realized, “Yes, she can”
And I never saw her again. Happy days.
 
#20 ·
Sounds like my ex, a poster child for psychosis--she didn't even get along with herself. Everything was my fault. I do recommend that you carry a voice activated recorder when you meet with her. History changing is one thing, but going wacko and you end up with a domestic assault accusation is an all-together serious matter. When they are bat-sh!t crazy, you never know what they are capable of.
 
#25 ·
You have to stop the "I told you so" type of responses to her attempt s to get you to pity her for not liking the cost of living on her own.

Disengage, disengage, disengage!

You said she is illogical. Then react to that state of being.

Get her out of your life as quickly as you can. Do not give her an opening to be mad and get a shark lawyer biting into you.
 
#26 ·
I do not pity her, I feel sorry for the situation. There is still a part of me that cares deeply for her, and believe it or not, it hurts when I see/hear her continue to make foolish decisions from people who do not know the whole story. In the end, who does these decisions effect? Her, and her badly. Not me directly. I already filed and we've been proceeding. Technically we're in the legally separated part of the process. I just wish it didn't end like this. I do not know why, but it kills me to go through this. I know, technically, we've not been together for 1.5 + years, but it's still hard seeing that she will not be in my life in the future. It just sucks. The old saying, a person must hit rock bottom before they can look up and dust themselves off is true here. It just seems she still has ways to go. Part of me just wants to help, but the other part of me remembers the things she's done and it's just a bad place to be stuck between. I know I am ranting and venting, but I feel how I feel. I just do not know what could had been done to avoid this situation. I wish things didn't end up like this. It just doesn't seem right. I know, I've been told, if it feels uncomfortable, it's actually probably the right thing to do; so I am doing it. Again, it just sucks.
 
#27 ·
I just wish it didn't end like this.
That's the same as saying "It didn't end well".

Here's some news for you:

It NEVER ends well.

So end it as quickly as possible and move on with your life. She's drained enough of your resources. She's not your problem anymore.
 
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#35 ·
Ahhhhh.... the independent woman! I do hope once you cut her off $wise you sent her the song

by Destiny's Child! Her payouts were what most teenagers / college students are who still live

at home. She's never saw reality for what it is. Some people define torture as having to decide between

the suede dress or paying rent / mortgage. That is the group your STBXW is in.

Everything is about HER. She is short of cash and she looks to you

HELP ME

SAVE ME

FIGHT FOR ME

you @#$%^^^ @EFG%$#

Yeah..... I'd rather pizz in a dry creekbed and see what happens.

Wish I'd seen your thread earlier but you seem to have a somewhat handle on things..... and are getting A1

advice from others. See.... it is best to give defiant people exactly what they think they want.....

because it rarely ever turns out as they had planned. Exact thing happened to my XW.

I would love to be in your shoes for about a month.... see I am a sociopath but with a conscience.

Well.... until I am crossed. If someone is with me.... I'll give shirt off my back.... if against me..............

But to add to MrHappyHat's replies..... how about "The heII you say"

You showed some Co-D tendencies.... here is a thread you may want to check out.... it's short

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/155305-weeds-codependence.html
 
#36 ·
Amazing how much if this is true. She's already complaining that the money she has to spend on living expenses. She said she's doing everything herself. She's going to be an independent woman again. I said, okay. What would you like, a gold star? I thought you were already an independent woman? Which is it?

Never again... This has been the worst experience in my life. Pretty much done with marriage.
 
#38 ·
............. never seems to turn out as they had planned.

Gotta love karma
 
#39 ·
It is truly a shame. When I first met her and through the first year, I thought the world of her. The fact is life happened and she couldn't roll with the punches. I really hoped the divorce papers would do something positive for her. As upset of the situation I am, I really wanted this to work. I tried really, really hard to make it work. If I did something wrong, I told her and others, tell me. Nothing. I just feel bad and guilty. Not bad or guilty enough to continue this marriage, just wish this didn't end like this. Low and behold, apparently, people thought that she had a hidden agenda and wasn't as nice as she portrayed. I, of course, didn't see it. I still do not know what she gained.

She could of had it all. Stable life, family, financial security, and a loving husband would do anything for her. All I asked was for respect, trust, intimacy and companionship. I guess I asked for too much.
 
#45 ·
Almost,
I believe that your depiction of events is accurate, but incomplete.

Not saying you are lying to us, so much as avoiding the painful truth of this situation.

A good marriage is mechanically solid - and emotionally positive. Being generous is great. But you need to assess the degree to which a partner craves your company, (non sexual) physical touch and sex.

Because it doesn't matter how much you love them, if they aren't into you.
 
#41 ·
I cannot see me getting into another relationship anytime soon. Marriage I do not think would happen again either. People change during marriage. This has been pure hell, and this was from a woman who was always positive, bubbly and reassuring. She turned into a negative, mean, curse-laden, pessimistic worrywart over nonsense. Claims it was me, then smiles. :confused:
 
#42 ·
A TAM friend summed it up best when UG and I split

"She self-sabotaged the relationship because she felt as if she did not deserve one."
 
#47 ·
I understand Mem, I can go step by step and write a dissertation on the relationship from start to finish include the good and bad from both of us; however, I do not think anyone would care to read it. Fact of the matter is/was, we were happier (in bliss) before marriage. She did pressure for marriage, and I caved as I wanted to make her happy. She was very happy until she moved in. She didn't like the change. I am not just talking about sex; while that got less and less as soon as she moved in. The point is she stopped trying in the relationship. Some people, I've read, just give up and let go after the knot is tied. I do not believe I've done that. Here's our week before marriage. Visit each other once or twice during the week. Usually, I went to her, as she was too tired to come to me. No problem. So I did that. Then we'd come over either place, again usually her's, and then go out to dinner, an event, etc one of those days. Also, spend a half a day (usually Saturday) with her parents. Again, no problem. Soon as she moved in... We discussed that we'd cook on the weekends for the meals for the week; like her parents do. Nope, that never happened. Why? We can't do that, as we're going to her parents each and every Saturday morning. Sunday, she's too tired from the five day week, so she just relaxes and watches TV. Guess who's cooking all the time, me. At first, she appreciated it, so I didn't mind. Then, no she complained about this or that. She asked to try a particular Mexican dish that I am quite good at, at least I am told. She didn't like it. No problem, it is not for every one. She then, in front of the entire family, said the meal was horrible. Everyone, including her side of her family, that that was pretty distasteful. I said, if you didn't like, no problem, you didn't have to state this in front of everyone. She smiled and said, sorry :). I ask to go out with her, nope, too tired for me, but for her friends, no problem. She even bumped her parents on some Saturday's to go out the the girls. Me, I am stuck at the last minute, usually at home. I said, let's take a trip. With you she said? No thanks. Not interested. How about a play or a musical? No thanks. However, during the week, she'll sit in front of the TV and we'll watch something for two hours.

It's not like I have not tried. She loves Bruce Springsteen. I arranged, before this disaster, front row tickets and a meet and greet, she loved it. That faded fast. For V-D day 2015, I got tickets to a really hot show, front row. She didn't like the seats, so she made us move all the way up to the nosebleed seats. There was/is no way for me to please her. Maybe she doesn't love me any more, maybe she never really did. Yes, I will agree, I loved her more than she loved me. Everyone knew that. Well, except her. I would say your making me feel bad or upset? How is that possible? You have no feelings? I just walk away even more upset.

I know I tried, that much I do know. It is just not right.
 
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