10-16-2011, 09:45 PM
Join Date: Oct 2010
| | Wow, grew a set of ***** and it's empowering
Hey everyone. Just thought I'd share my experience of the last couple of days. W and I separated about 6 weeks ago. After 5 weeks of blame and anger, with no contact, it finally got through to me that I need to take some responsibility in this situation. Once the ball started rolling on that path (I started writing an email to W describing the contribution I perceived I had to the downfall of our relationship).... it just kept rolling. I could finally understand a little about how we got here. It was strangely cathartic and lead me to a place where I could see us reconcilling which astounded myself. She came around and we talked.
I outlined that I could see the relationship working based on a few conditions and understandings and was willing to try again. She is weary because she says there's no love left in the marriage, which is mostly true, but I also know she is still hurting and confused. She said she was coming around to the idea of us getting back together, but she needs some time. She wants to stay separated for 4-6 months so that I can 'find myself' and she can explore work opportunities in the city that she now lives in. She did suggest we could see each other at weekends and try to re-connect. I'm concerned that this much time apart will put even greater distance between us. I also don't want to be her 'backup plan' or a doormat, I respect myself more than that and I also know that it will be a tough struggle to get back to a loving relationship and we both have to be committed to it. I told her that I have a boundary that if she sleeps with anyone else in this period then there is no chance of us getting back together. She says it's not even on her mind, but I know from her FB and mail that she has talked about going out dating (but hasn't yet), although this is when she thought the relationship was dead and she was still very angry. She has also yet to take any responsibility for any part in the breakdown of the relationship. In this respect she's where I was about two weeks ago, and I'm willing to give her time.
So based on this synopsis, do I wait, call it a day, or talk about trying again sooner than 4 months? I don't want to push her or give her an ultimatum, but I also don't want to be a doormat or leave enough time for OM to come on the scene - what do I do??