10-20-2011, 10:11 AM
Join Date: Oct 2011
| | New to board, here's my story so far...
My soon to be ex and I met almost 8 years ago online. We courted for 10 months and I decided to move 1700 miles for him and other reasons. I was 24, he was 29. We have always had a rocky relationship. We broke up 1.5 yrs after we were together because his stress and pessimism were bringing me down. I am a rather optimistic woman. We worked things out, but he reminded me that he is the way he is, which I have tried to understand and respect. We get engaged soon after that and got married a year later, almost to the day that I moved here. We argued a lot the first year we were married and I have initiated 3 more splits since the first one. The second to last split was in August when I told him that I don't think I can "handle" his issues any more. He was shocked, but wanted to stay amicable and after a week of talking we worked things out again. It's been a month and a half and I decided 2 days ago that this really isn't going to work out. I have grown so much in the past 8 years, and he remains stagnant. He does not want to buy a home, have another child (we have a 15 yr old stepson) and his personality is overwhelming to the point that it's making me sick mentally. He is only 5 yrs older than I, but he acts like he is 60 and I am 31 and feel really alive. He doesn't compliment me, or tell me I'm beautiful, things I've argued with him about, he knows he doesn't do this, and says he can't, but it's more like a won't. I have been getting compliments from other men, and it's starting to feel really good, and it's tempting.
I have realized that I haven't been "in love" with him for a while. I got back with him every time because he was stable and had most of the responsible qualities a marriage minded woman looks for and loneliness. I have compromised A LOT of my life for him, and he acknowledged that he didn't. He knows it is what it is, and we have decided to stay amicable and follow the plan that we were going to follow this past August: we have agreed on what assets to take, I will be buying the divorce kit, which isn't much since this is a no contest divorce.
I am ready to move on, although it's really hard not to feel pain, I never intended to get a divorce, but it's time him and I both move on. Thanks for listening, if I've left anything out, let me know and I will divulge what I can.