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post #16 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 02:10 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

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So its been over 3 months that my wife left me and my girls to be with a co worker

she put me down in every way possible, if you can think it she probably told me that. You didn't show me much attention...even though I did everything for her and supported almost all her ideas.

Told me I never loved you and we have nothing in common, didn't find me attractive and never did. Even went as far as to insult my man hood...

She's been gone for more than three months and shows no remorse whatsoever...

Tuesday was the first day she took them out and was forcing my daughter to meet her AP

I forgave her years ago for cheating and it just seems I couldn't do anything right in our relationship.

sex life is great. Really! Why do you think...maybe because you don't have any responsibility you can go out and party and sleep with him without the kids to worry about.

Wow, what a great life partner and responsible parent she's made. A real prize. NOT!!!
I'm afraid to ask what you passed up for her?



I feel so worthless and used and while I try to lie to myself that I don't love her I can't I'll be OK for a day or two and then it hits me again.

Worthless? You? The man who puts a roof over his family's heads, clean clothes on their backs, and food on the table for them. The man who creates a stable environment for them to grow in? Don't ever use that word to describe yourself. Don't let her ever tell you that either, because your not. She knocks you down to make herself taller and you're swallowing that bull$hit hook, line, and sinker. That's why you feel like a failure, not because you are one.

Stand up for yourself and your family. Do as @farsidejunky says. Throw her overboard and set sail to a better future for you and yours. You deserve better than her. Your kids deserve better than her. We all deserve better.

Best


"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.


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Last edited by anchorwatch; 06-02-2016 at 02:14 PM.
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post #17 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 02:14 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

@Tomas, many attorneys will give you a free consultation, and there are local bars that will offer some limited help when it comes to divorce. Its definitely worth a few phone calls to find out. There are also lots of resources on line to do things like draft a simple separation agreement (it depends on your jurisdiction if you need a one-year separation before you can file). Taking this kind of action over your life is more empowering than you might think. Then there's the perks of sending the forms to your STBX and slapping her upside the head with the reality of her actions.

I hate the "can't we still be friends" line after BS rips your heart into little pieces. Yeah, yeah, I get the "its better for the kids if the parents get along" line of thought. But that can mean that you two don't fight in front of the kids. I don't want to be friends with someone who betrayed me, that's just not how friends behave. (or spouses!)

I'll also toss out there that in my community the parks and rec people have lots of free summer programs for kids. How old are the kids? Do you have family nearby that can help?

In youth it was a way I had, to do my best to please, And change, with every passing lad to suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know, and do the things I do; And if you do not like me so, To hell, my love, with you! --Dorothy Parker
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post #18 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 02:23 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomas View Post
So its been over 3 months that my wife left me and my girls to be with a co worker

she put me down in every way possible, if you can think it she probably told me that. You didn't show me much attention...even though I did everything for her and supported almost all her ideas.

Told me I never loved you and we have nothing in common, didn't find me attractive and never did. Even went as far as to insult my man hood...

She's been gone for more than three months and shows no remorse whatsoever...

Tuesday was the first day she took them out and was forcing my daughter to meet her AP

I forgave her years ago for cheating and it just seems I couldn't do anything right in our relationship.

sex life is great. Really! Why do you think...maybe because you don't have any responsibility you can go out and party and sleep with him without the kids to worry about.

Wow, what a great life partner and responsible parent she's made. A real prize. NOT!!!
I'm afraid to ask what you passed up for her?


I feel so worthless and used and while I try to lie to myself that I don't love her I can't I'll be OK for a day or two and then it hits me again.

Worthless? You? The man who puts a roof over his family's heads, clean clothes on their backs, and food on the table for them. The man who creates a stable environment for them to grow in? Don't ever use that word to describe yourself. Don't let her ever tell you that either, because your not. She knocks you down to make herself taller and you're swallowing that bull$hit hook, line, and sinker. That's why you feel like a failure, not because you are one.

Stand up for yourself and your family. Do as @farsidejunky says. Throw her overboard and set sail to a better future for you and yours. You deserve better than her. Your kids deserve better than her. We all deserve better.
Thanks for the kind words my kids do see me as a great father and the stable one .my oldest doesn't even want to live with her mother and says the only reason she'll leave with her mother is to protect her little sister which Is 4. Its just sometimes the crap they say gets to you. Its hard to think how they can put there kids threw this and assume everything is OK with them, I can't believe my stbxw I told my daughter I don't love your dad I'm in love with someone else and he's better than your dad in every way. Its amazing how much a person can change.
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post #19 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 02:36 PM Thread Starter
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@Tomas, many attorneys will give you a free consultation, and there are local bars that will offer some limited help when it comes to divorce. Its definitely worth a few phone calls to find out. There are also lots of resources on line to do things like draft a simple separation agreement (it depends on your jurisdiction if you need a one-year separation before you can file). Taking this kind of action over your life is more empowering than you might think. Then there's the perks of sending the forms to your STBX and slapping her upside the head with the reality of her actions.

I hate the "can't we still be friends" line after BS rips your heart into little pieces. Yeah, yeah, I get the "its better for the kids if the parents get along" line of thought. But that can mean that you two don't fight in front of the kids. I don't want to be friends with someone who betrayed me, that's just not how friends behave. (or spouses!)

I'll also toss out there that in my community the parks and rec people have lots of free summer programs for kids. How old are the kids? Do you have family nearby that can help?
My oldest is 10 and youngest is 4, I have family helping me take her of them while I'm at work. I pickup my oldest from school and after that spend all day with them. The hard part is dealing with the kids emotions while trying to keep myself together. Its incredible how she could care less she doesn't even bother calling during the day to check up on them ,my oldest has a cell phone so she doesn't even have to speak with me. Is she really in love with this man or is it just something she'll get over. Her oldest asked her pick him or me and her answer was I'm not leaving you , I just I need to feel loved and he makes me feel that way.
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post #20 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 02:44 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

She might get over the OM (she got over you, right?), but she will never be in love with you again like she was. So please, give up hope (acceptance!!!) and move forward with your life or you are screwed. Please, file now for your own good before she starts wanting money and not this particular OM.
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post #21 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 02:46 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

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My oldest is 10 and youngest is 4, I have family helping me take her of them while I'm at work. I pickup my oldest from school and after that spend all day with them. The hard part is dealing with the kids emotions while trying to keep myself together. Its incredible how she could care less she doesn't even bother calling during the day to check up on them ,my oldest has a cell phone so she doesn't even have to speak with me. Is she really in love with this man or is it just something she'll get over. Her oldest asked her pick him or me and her answer was I'm not leaving you , I just I need to feel loved and he makes me feel that way.
I remember how hard it all was at the beginning. You're torn into pieces and all hurt and angry, but you have to deal with your kids' emotions first. My ex moved out of state and became a real deadbeat dad. Now, I can't even tell you where he is.
The thing is, the more you allow your kids to feel safe and secure and as stable as possible, the easier this whole ordeal will be for them. Show them, every day that Dad is here and is taking care of their world. Don't mention Mom. It breaks my heart that your DD 10 yr old had to say that to her mother. And it will leave a mark. At this point, Mom can choose to remain active and involved in her children's lives, or not. Have you mentioned the separation to the school counselor. You'd be surprised how much experience most of them have in helping kids through divorce.

In youth it was a way I had, to do my best to please, And change, with every passing lad to suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know, and do the things I do; And if you do not like me so, To hell, my love, with you! --Dorothy Parker
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post #22 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 02:56 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Tomas View Post
My oldest is 10 and youngest is 4, I have family helping me take her of them while I'm at work. I pickup my oldest from school and after that spend all day with them. The hard part is dealing with the kids emotions while trying to keep myself together. Its incredible how she could care less she doesn't even bother calling during the day to check up on them ,my oldest has a cell phone so she doesn't even have to speak with me. Is she really in love with this man or is it just something she'll get over. Her oldest asked her pick him or me and her answer was I'm not leaving you , I just I need to feel loved and he makes me feel that way.
I remember how hard it all was at the beginning. You're torn into pieces and all hurt and angry, but you have to deal with your kids' emotions first. My ex moved out of state and became a real deadbeat dad. Now, I can't even tell you where he is.
The thing is, the more you allow your kids to feel safe and secure and as stable as possible, the easier this whole ordeal will be for them. Show them, every day that Dad is here and is taking care of their world. Don't mention Mom. It breaks my heart that your DD 10 yr old had to say that to her mother. And it will leave a mark. At this point, Mom can choose to remain active and involved in her children's lives, or not. Have you mentioned the separation to the school counselor. You'd be surprised how much experience most of them have in helping kids through divorce.
No I haven't mentioned it to the school at first I thought there mother would be over it and we would work things out but things have just gotten worse there mother is deeper into her affair
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post #23 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 03:42 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

Your wife left you for nil. She down-graded.

Water, even dirty water seeks it's own level.

She could not breath properly on the "Mountain with an Expansive Vista" that you provided her.

She slithered down the steep slope and now comfortably lives in the lowland, in the bog, surrounded by swampland, amidst her fellow scaly critters and ever-present skeeters [some of which are two-legged blood-suckers].

Toads like her have no shoulders and they have no inclination to carry any load.

Why did she do this?

FOR: No responsibility, no pressures. She can smoke pot or do drugs, or have sex with whoever she wants........or not, if she chooses not to.

This is the hippie life and she is Neo-flower child.

I give her ten years. She will get plump, she will lose her teeth and any beauty that she possessed will require will require a ton of money to resurrect, that she will never have.

What feels good today has a price in tomorrow's unforgiving "bazaar". How bizarre!

She cut her ties to you and the children. In her haste, she knicked her own throat. The slow bleed-out will bring to bear; her progressing woes.

Her once pretty face will [oh-too-soon] kiss the muddy-muck...... when her kneed life-support give out.....and she collapses into despair....FACE DOWN.

A good plum WS did deliver, They be diamonds............. and they be daughters.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #24 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 05:10 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

tomas, you are lucky and you dont know it. You have your kids. I had mine and let my wife come home three years ago and now she is trying to boot me from the house and get custody of my kids . I wish I never let her back. Forget about her YOU NEED TOO YOU HAVE TOO . Move on with your girls. Now im fighting for custody after I already was awarded custody!!!!! PLEASE LISTEN TO ME. Just a second note, they dont change I thought mine had but she didnt the lies, the lies, the lies it never ends. Funny , my attorney told me that 3 years ago
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post #25 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 05:58 PM Thread Starter
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tomas, you are lucky and you dont know it. You have your kids. I had mine and let my wife come home three years ago and now she is trying to boot me from the house and get custody of my kids . I wish I never let her back. Forget about her YOU NEED TOO YOU HAVE TOO . Move on with your girls. Now im fighting for custody after I already was awarded custody!!!!! PLEASE LISTEN TO ME. Just a second note, they dont change I thought mine had but she didnt the lies, the lies, the lies it never ends. Funny , my attorney told me that 3 years ago
I live in a no fault state when we go to court I know the judge is going to award her custody of the kids and I'll be left paying child support

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post #26 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 06:17 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

You are the custodial parent and primary caregiver already!

She's abandoned those children for months! Document! Document! Document everything you've done and she has not done. Then when you contact a lawyer he'll be armed with that evidence. Are you involved in their school yet?

You need to step up and be proactive till this is over. Don't just let things happen.

I know it's hard, but you are all you and those children have for a chance at a normal life. Stand up and make sure you have your say in what will happen.

Here these may give you some ideas,

Dads Divorce | Connecting Dads with Resources

Divorce Forum and Child Custody Forum

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"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.


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Last edited by anchorwatch; 06-02-2016 at 06:38 PM.
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post #27 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 06:27 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

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I live in a no fault state when we go to court I know the judge is going to award her custody of the kids and I'll be left paying child support

No she wont get custody if you stand up for yourself. Document and get witnesses. She's abandoned her kids and you. Cmon man!!!!!

Read up and quit being someone's doormat. You can do this. Many have.

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post #28 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 06:30 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

Get a bound notebook calendar and go back to the day she left, and fill out data on every day since then - showing how little she is with her children. Once you get a lawyer, show them the calendar and say you want full custody of your girls.

I'm not even going to give you advice on how to get her back, because I don't want you back with her; she's a serial cheater and you deserve better.
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post #29 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 06:32 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

Don't assume she gets custody.
The longer you are the primary care-giver for the two kids, the better your chances of retaining legal custody upon divorce. Document everything. Keep a journal and quickly jot down things like : prepared breakfast, prepped for school, assisted w/homework, made dinner, coordinated play-date, talked with teacher, took to MD, etc. If or when she takes the girls for the night write that down along with any communication you have with the kids when they are not with you. Write them down daily, like at the end of the day. It will be invaluable when it comes to you getting custody. The court will listen to a daily journal.

In youth it was a way I had, to do my best to please, And change, with every passing lad to suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know, and do the things I do; And if you do not like me so, To hell, my love, with you! --Dorothy Parker
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post #30 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 06:39 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

Nope Its called abandonment She did it to you, She abandoned you and the kids, bad move on her part. Its a legal procedure. No judge in their right mind will fall for this crap
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