Wife left my girls and me for a coworker - Page 26 - Talk About Marriage
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post #376 of 379 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 12:23 PM
Chuck71's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Where I lay my head
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

Originally Posted by Tomas View Post
You are right as usual Chuck, everything you say about her on what she did and what she is already doing again, it's like your reading my life story. I'm no longer worrying so much about what she's doing..I pretty much know how she's going to end up, I hope I'm wrong. For my girls sake, I hope she does good in life. But I just know she's going to need my help down the road. Her whole family is a mess, I just don't know if I should help when the time comes. I just hate that I have too because I always feel bad for my girls.

At this point I'm more worried about myself now. I do feel like I'm in a sort of depression. I don't have much friends because I was always dedicated to my family. I mean I don't even know what i like doing anymore.. sometimes I feel happy and excited about a new start, but don't know where to begin, theirs times where I'm eating at restaurant or out some other place and I meet some interesting woman and just feel like asking them out, not on a romantic date but more like hey ! Want to go out and do something fun...like an amusement park or something like that. Somewhere where I can have fun... Where I can have a good old laugh.. lol. I haven't had one in a while that I forgot what it's like. But, then again I wouldn't even know how to act or be ..I don't even remember the old me. I know someone on here will tell me, you need to spend time by yourself first..but I feel like I've been alone for years.. I don't know I just need to figure out how to crawl out of this depression
Like Bon Jovi sang in 1989 -we're together but alone- I completely get that.

You can have fun with 1-alone, 2-your girls, 3-a female, 4-the guys. It's easy but you are now "out of

your comfort zone." This is very common. Tomas.... What are your hobbies?

On the depression... I've had it, I had it bad as a teen too but I have always felt part of it was due

to my medication, tegretal. It was not classified as a depressant but by sheet it

gave me more blues than Muddy Waters. Talk to your doctor and be honest with him / her.

If you don't have health coverage, go to the local health department. Depression can get a grip

on you and it will not let go... been there. About your STBXW... I know part of you will always

love her. I GET that... he!! I still love "who my XW WAS".... I care zero for who she turned into.

Your STBXW has issues, her family has issues, that is NOT your problem. I asked myself the EXACT

question right around my D. I think it was in my first post of Crossroads II. My XW needed help and I

said I do hope she seeks that help out. But she is an adult and knows how to seek it. And she is NOT

my responsibility any longer. Tomas... your STBX poor mouths you on her family, her own issues,

the kids, etc etc etc... she's trying to pull your wanker more than a Roman bath house on dime

bear night. LET HER OWN IT. That is the ONLY way she can ever recover. She never believed you

would follow through with the D because you probably threatened leaving her in the past.

Remember the fable about the boy who cried wolf? When you become serious about your

actions and follow through.... she will then, take you seriously. And respect you a LOT more.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past

Last edited by Chuck71; 04-05-2017 at 12:37 PM. Reason: misworded
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post #377 of 379 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 02:19 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 17,260
Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

Tomas it is ok to feel the way you do and to feel miserable. It will pass. Just don't let her know you are miserable. When she is around act happy, aloof and enthusiastic. Do the 180 with a vengeance.
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post #378 of 379 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 08:44 PM
Join Date: Aug 2015
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

Originally Posted by Tomas View Post
This woman is giving me headaches, sometimes I feel like slapping some sense into her.she is so frustrating it's amazing how she has the ability to change any situation into its your fault I did it! Just last night when we were talking she threw it in my face it's your fault I went with someone else, you should of paid more attention to me, bought me flowers, left me love notes,suprise gifts, a kiss on the forehead, tell me how beautiful I am everyday! It's like she turned everything on me! I told her if I recall your the one that use to put me down and as usual she denied it. God, I think this woman does have mental problems . I told her if I'm that bad guy then why in the hell are you trying to get back with me! I'm sorry Its just that now most of the time I think about the way she thinks it gets me so angry
There's an acronym for it.

That acronym is DARVO
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post #379 of 379 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 08:45 PM
Join Date: Aug 2015
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

DARVO stands for "Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender."
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