Wife left my girls and me for a coworker - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 06:56 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

Tomas, I am sorry you are going through this.

Three months is not a very long time and I know you are still off balance and reeling from the shock of what your wife has done, but...the others are right. You need to find an attorney and you need to educate yourself immediately about your rights as a parent.

As the other posters noted, your wife abandoned not only you, but her own children! This is huge. Please document everything she has done and said. She had the nerve to criticize you for putting the girls ahead of her...do you have any idea how crazy that's going to sound to a judge?

I found this link that might be helpful, and I will search for others...
List of Fathers' Rights Organizations in the U.S.

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post #32 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 07:05 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

I know this is hard and I am sorry for your situation. In a way you are lucky. I wish my stbxw would leave me and our son. Then there would be no custody dispute and I could provide him with a stable life. Instead she wants to take him out of the state so there will be a battle. It is good that you do not have to deal with this type of issue.
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post #33 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 07:19 PM Thread Starter
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Get a bound notebook calendar and go back to the day she left, and fill out data on every day since then - showing how little she is with her children. Once you get a lawyer, show them the calendar and say you want full custody of your girls.

I'm not even going to give you advice on how to get her back, because I don't want you back with her; she's a serial cheater and you deserve better.
I have all the times she has come over written down I'm going to go buy a calendar planner tonight and copy everything over.
As for getting her back I have lost that hope already, no matter how much I love her and I do I can't take her back, with all she's done to me,she left me broken, feeling worthless, and unattractive that's how bad she's made me feel, besides I doubt she would want to come back she's so in love with her affair partner
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post #34 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 07:45 PM Thread Starter
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Tomas, I am sorry you are going through this.

Three months is not a very long time and I know you are still off balance and reeling from the shock of what your wife has done, but...the others are right. You need to find an attorney and you need to educate yourself immediately about your rights as a parent.

As the other posters noted, your wife abandoned not only you, but her own children! This is huge. Please document everything she has done and said. She had the nerve to criticize you for putting the girls ahead of her...do you have any idea how crazy that's going to sound to a judge?

I found this link that might be helpful, and I will search for others...
List of Fathers' Rights Organizations in the U.S.
Yeah she told me that was one of the major reasons, she said your a great father you worry too much about your kids and don't pay much attention to me, you always put them first, your a horrible husband good look to the next one after me, even though I was the one cleaning the house ,looking after the girls ,helping with homework and even cooked a lot of times and even took her lunch to work.. Home cooked could you believe that and she still said before she left she hated me visiting her at work she decided to leave one night when I told her the girls rooms a mess and you never help me with it, she then went crazy on me and said she worked hard too just like me, even though I was always the one doing everything. After that day she blocked me out and wouldn't even talk to me, said she felt angry every time she looked at me.after that they she would start getting home past 3:00am. This lasted 2 weeks and decided to leave to be with AP of course she denied it at first.
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post #35 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 08:07 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

I can honestly say that I was AT LEAST as crushed, depressed, self esteem gone, not looking forward to waking up the next day and hoping I wouldn't, as you. It's been about two years. I feel now that this horrible evil deed that was done by her, turned out to be a blessing to me. I am now in a happy, loving, affectionate relationship that leaves me feeling fulfilled, happy, excited, and content. I wonder how I ever was happy in my past marriage.
It can happen to you, also.

You are going to be miserable. But, if you will force yourself to do what you know you should, you will go forward and find contentment again.

Do not be afraid to start over. God can turn the worst situation around if you get out if his way.
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post #36 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 09:13 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

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she decided to leave one night when I told her the girls rooms a mess and you never help me with it, she then went crazy on me and said she worked hard too just like me, even though I was always the one doing everything. After that day she blocked me out and wouldn't even talk to me, said she felt angry every time she looked at me.after that they she would start getting home past 3:00am. This lasted 2 weeks and decided to leave to be with AP of course she denied it at first.
Oh, trust me...she'd been seeing her new beau long before this blow up between the two of you. She was merely looking for a reason to start a fight and bail on all of you.

I am glad that you are documenting everything...continue to do so.

And take it from Evinrude and me...someday, you will realize how much of a blessing this whole interlude was. I know it sucks right now, but things will get so much better for you.
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post #37 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 10:31 PM Thread Starter
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Yeah I can see how she had this planned out for awhile already I mean this isn't the first time she did this, first time she walked out on us though like she didn't even care. My daughter told me she acts different now not mommy like anymore it makes me sad to hear it coming from my daughter. Its just hard for us people that actually value family and wedding vows , I would of never had done something like this to her even when she cheated the first time and like this time it was with a co worker. It seems like every job she gets I always had to worry about it
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post #38 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 10:35 PM Thread Starter
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she decided to leave one night when I told her the girls rooms a mess and you never help me with it, she then went crazy on me and said she worked hard too just like me, even though I was always the one doing everything. After that day she blocked me out and wouldn't even talk to me, said she felt angry every time she looked at me.after that they she would start getting home past 3:00am. This lasted 2 weeks and decided to leave to be with AP of course she denied it at first.
Oh, trust me...she'd been seeing her new beau long before this blow up between the two of you. She was merely looking for a reason to start a fight and bail on all of you.

I am glad that you are documenting everything...continue to do so.

And take it from Evinrude and me...someday, you will realize how much of a blessing this whole interlude was. I know it sucks right now, but things will get so much better for you.
I dedicated my life to my family if you guys had any advice on getting out there and meeting new people what would you suggest, at this point all I want to do is stay isolated and just dedicate my time to my girls , but its so hard I feel like sometimes I just need to go out for a night with someone my age or do you and think that's a bad idea?
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post #39 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 10:45 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

Advice on meeting new people?

Wait a year before you start to date. Get into therapy to get the knots out of your rope between now and then.

No offense, but you would not be good for dating right now or anytime soon.

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post #40 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 10:51 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

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I dedicated my life to my family if you guys had any advice on getting out there and meeting new people what would you suggest, at this point all I want to do is stay isolated and just dedicate my time to my girls , but its so hard I feel like sometimes I just need to go out for a night with someone my age or do you and think that's a bad idea?
Not a bad idea. Check out meetup.com in your area. Hold your head up my friend. Things really do get better with time even though letting go is hard.


"Truth is like the sun,you can shut it out for a time,but it ain't going away"-Elvis
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post #41 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-03-2016, 12:48 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
Advice on meeting new people?

Wait a year before you start to date. Get into therapy to get the knots out of your rope between now and then.

No offense, but you would not be good for dating right now or anytime soon.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk
I wasn't leaning to much toward dating other women. Most of my guy friends now live in other states or live really far away so its hard to get out with the guy friends, like I said I dedicated myself to my family and didn't really concentrate on making new friends I was just worried about spending time with my family and that's why she said I put my daughters first all the time. I do however have a best friend that I have know since high school but here's the problem shes a female and she's the closest friend I have about half hour drive. She's been asking me to come visit or meet up. She's been helping me since this happened ,she checks up on me daily. She also use to be my stbxw best friend when they were young, she even warned me about her not to fall for her because she knew how she was. I guess I should of listened to her but then again I wouldn't have my 2 beautiful girls.
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post #42 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-03-2016, 07:36 AM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

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Originally Posted by turnera View Post
Get a bound notebook calendar and go back to the day she left, and fill out data on every day since then - showing how little she is with her children. Once you get a lawyer, show them the calendar and say you want full custody of your girls.

I'm not even going to give you advice on how to get her back, because I don't want you back with her; she's a serial cheater and you deserve better.
This is undoubtedly true.

But, brother... part of your solution is that you grow up and become a man. She treated you the way you taught her to. This is a hard truth and isn't meant to be nearly as mean as it sounds.

But, it's clear you were codependent and seeking her approval. You simply must work on yourself or the "next relationship" will be with another borderline/bat****crazy person. Perhaps not as extreme as this psycho, but someone who will blame you for everything that's wrong in the relationship.

Working to love yourself will help you spot these people miles away and avoid them. A life of peace and happiness will result.

I realize you're in a war right now that you have to win. But, the rest of your life awaits you after that. Plan for it.
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post #43 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-03-2016, 10:47 AM Thread Starter
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So I was up until 3:00am guys thinking like I have for the past 3 months, thinking off all the stuff she blamed me for all the things she told me i didn't do, and I do have to admit some of them I could of improved in, maybe I did show my girls more attention than her. However I realize that is not a reason to cheat but an excuse to do so. I recalled her telling me before she left I know what I want and what I deserve and you can't give me it... And I will get it. Turns out her AP is a loser and really is not the guy she made him to be, he's not buying her a house anytime soon, or giving her all the luxuries she wanted, all he's doing is making her feel good and telling her what she wants to hear. I mean my stbxw is attractive. Back to my original point ,as I was thinking last night I recalled something that I had tried to forget in the beginning of our relationship and succeeded until last night. I have been blindly in love with this woman, as I believe in god and was so happy to find out she was pregnant and made a promise to god to never leave her and love her. Well what I recalled that her first job she had which was a about 1.5 yr into our relationship she cheated on me and confessed herself she had kissed a co worker about a month when she started working, she quit that job. I forgave her. About 2 yes later new job had a physical affair with co worker I caught her through text messages telling him I love you,she confessed and with. Fast forward a couple years caught her in a emotional affair with some guy from Facebook that lived somewhere in Dubai. This happened a year ago I forgave we decided to work it out, she started working in retail store a couple weeks later and now were hear again same problem a coworker physical affair. Now I think man I really love this woman or is it the love I have for my girls and my illusion of always trying to keep my family together. Wtf is wrong with me why did I deal with this crap for so long?
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post #44 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-03-2016, 11:28 AM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

@Tomas, I know it has been recommended many times, have you read this link yet... No More Mr. Nice Guy

Best

"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.

Resources for men...
ADHD and Marriage
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post #45 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-03-2016, 11:34 AM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

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So I was up until 3:00am guys thinking like I have for the past 3 months, thinking off all the stuff she blamed me for all the things she told me i didn't do, and I do have to admit some of them I could of improved in, maybe I did show my girls more attention than her. However I realize that is not a reason to cheat but an excuse to do so. I recalled her telling me before she left I know what I want and what I deserve and you can't give me it... And I will get it. Turns out her AP is a loser and really is not the guy she made him to be, he's not buying her a house anytime soon, or giving her all the luxuries she wanted, all he's doing is making her feel good and telling her what she wants to hear. I mean my stbxw is attractive. Back to my original point ,as I was thinking last night I recalled something that I had tried to forget in the beginning of our relationship and succeeded until last night. I have been blindly in love with this woman, as I believe in god and was so happy to find out she was pregnant and made a promise to god to never leave her and love her. Well what I recalled that her first job she had which was a about 1.5 yr into our relationship she cheated on me and confessed herself she had kissed a co worker about a month when she started working, she quit that job. I forgave her. About 2 yes later new job had a physical affair with co worker I caught her through text messages telling him I love you,she confessed and with. Fast forward a couple years caught her in a emotional affair with some guy from Facebook that lived somewhere in Dubai. This happened a year ago I forgave we decided to work it out, she started working in retail store a couple weeks later and now were hear again same problem a coworker physical affair. Now I think man I really love this woman or is it the love I have for my girls and my illusion of always trying to keep my family together. Wtf is wrong with me why did I deal with this crap for so long?
Man Oh Man.....Please stop.

Do not get in another relationship until you have been to therapy for codependency.
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