Wife left my girls and me for a coworker - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 426 (permalink) Old 06-03-2016, 11:45 AM Thread Starter
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I download it and have started reading it, thanks. I guess the question that really gets to me is why she did it, did she just get tired of the responsibility of being a mother or was it really me not showing much attention to her as she said? One thing I have been thinking about and I haven't mentioned is something she never wanted to talk about much and that was that when she was little around 8/10 she was abused by one of her mothers bf . she never had a stable home growing up and she basically grew up in a situation of her mom divorcing her dad and sleeping around with other men, her own father told her that the way she left the girls is what her mother did and she's doing the same exact thing. She says it didn't affect her and that the girls will be OK , just how she's OK. It will make them stronger. Her excuse to her daughter is she left because she just needed to feel loved .I showed her love and now that I think of it she could never accept anything nice I did for her, yes we did have some problems but it was mainly me telling her if she could help out with her part. I wonder if she's going to bring these problems into her new relationship or if its really true love??

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post #47 of 426 (permalink) Old 06-03-2016, 11:50 AM Thread Starter
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So I was up until 3:00am guys thinking like I have for the past 3 months, thinking off all the stuff she blamed me for all the things she told me i didn't do, and I do have to admit some of them I could of improved in, maybe I did show my girls more attention than her. However I realize that is not a reason to cheat but an excuse to do so. I recalled her telling me before she left I know what I want and what I deserve and you can't give me it... And I will get it. Turns out her AP is a loser and really is not the guy she made him to be, he's not buying her a house anytime soon, or giving her all the luxuries she wanted, all he's doing is making her feel good and telling her what she wants to hear. I mean my stbxw is attractive. Back to my original point ,as I was thinking last night I recalled something that I had tried to forget in the beginning of our relationship and succeeded until last night. I have been blindly in love with this woman, as I believe in god and was so happy to find out she was pregnant and made a promise to god to never leave her and love her. Well what I recalled that her first job she had which was a about 1.5 yr into our relationship she cheated on me and confessed herself she had kissed a co worker about a month when she started working, she quit that job. I forgave her. About 2 yes later new job had a physical affair with co worker I caught her through text messages telling him I love you,she confessed and with. Fast forward a couple years caught her in a emotional affair with some guy from Facebook that lived somewhere in Dubai. This happened a year ago I forgave we decided to work it out, she started working in retail store a couple weeks later and now were hear again same problem a coworker physical affair. Now I think man I really love this woman or is it the love I have for my girls and my illusion of always trying to keep my family together. Wtf is wrong with me why did I deal with this crap for so long?
Man Oh Man.....Please stop.

Do not get in another relationship until you have been to therapy for codependency.
I'm not trying to get into another relationship I know now I'm not ready for such a thing. The only thing is I'm struggling some raising my girls on my own .even though I was doing it almost myself when we were still together. Its hard trying to keep my 2 daughters happy I have to comfort them while trying to deal with my own heart break. Trust me this is the hardest situation I have had to deal with.
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post #48 of 426 (permalink) Old 06-03-2016, 11:57 AM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

She's selfish that all there is to it. She knows right from wrong. She doesn't care because she comes first. She lives like a feral cat, brought up in the wild.

Tomas, this isn't rocket science. You've just been conditioned to believe there is something you should have or could have done to change this. Every 'White Knight' believes that he can make things better. They see the good in a damaged person as a project they could fix. It doesn't happen in real life. She is what she is, it's in her nature. You couldn't change that if you stood on your head. Your nice guy self won't allow you to see her for what she is. Immature and selfish. Not life partner material.

Keep reading. You'll see...

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"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.

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Last edited by anchorwatch; 06-03-2016 at 01:16 PM.
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post #49 of 426 (permalink) Old 06-03-2016, 12:01 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

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I download it and have started reading it, thanks. I guess the question that really gets to me is why she did it, did she just get tired of the responsibility of being a mother or was it really me not showing much attention to her as she said? One thing I have been thinking about and I haven't mentioned is something she never wanted to talk about much and that was that when she was little around 8/10 she was abused by one of her mothers bf . she never had a stable home growing up and she basically grew up in a situation of her mom divorcing her dad and sleeping around with other men, her own father told her that the way she left the girls is what her mother did and she's doing the same exact thing. She says it didn't affect her and that the girls will be OK , just how she's OK. It will make them stronger. Her excuse to her daughter is she left because she just needed to feel loved .I showed her love and now that I think of it she could never accept anything nice I did for her, yes we did have some problems but it was mainly me telling her if she could help out with her part. I wonder if she's going to bring these problems into her new relationship or if its really true love??
Why she did it is irrelevant. Could be a number of reasons. None of them matter. What does matter is you beginning to focus on yourself and girls.

Get a counselor now. Find the money.
Get a Lawyer now. Divorce this woman.
Get full custody and teach your girls right from wrong.
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post #50 of 426 (permalink) Old 06-03-2016, 12:23 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

Ay tomas, you picked the wrong woman to make a wife. She is not wife material and it's that simple. She of course, isn't mother material either.

Her actions speak louder than words Tomas. Her mother leaving dad and family and causing trauma in her life through the low life's she brought home scream of the cycle of abuse your cheating wife is going through. It is your responsibility, as the most sane parent your girls have, that this cycle ends with her and that your girls grow up as healthy adults.

Stop blaming yourself or trying to figure out why. She is damaged and no one can fix her unless she decides that something is wrong with her. She needs to figure that out. You need to take care of yourself and your girls. Please, don't expect too much from her. She is not capable of being a decent mom to your girls. Where ever you can, you must find the money to take care of getting full custody of your girls legally. You owe them that! They need a stable home with at least one decent parent to care for them as they can't do it on their own.

Stay strong, you will reap the benefits when you enjoy seeing your girls become wonderful, healthy adults!

That day will come faster then you think.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #51 of 426 (permalink) Old 06-03-2016, 12:39 PM Thread Starter
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Ay tomas, you picked the wrong woman to make a wife. She is not wife material and it's that simple. She of course, isn't mother material either.

Her actions speak louder than words Tomas. Her mother leaving dad and family and causing trauma in her life through the low life's she brought home scream of the cycle of abuse your cheating wife is going through. It is your responsibility, as the most sane parent your girls have, that this cycle ends with her and that your girls grow up as healthy adults.

Stop blaming yourself or trying to figure out why. She is damaged and no one can fix her unless she decides that something is wrong with her. She needs to figure that out. You need to take care of yourself and your girls. Please, don't expect too much from her. She is not capable of being a decent mom to your girls. Where ever you can, you must find the money to take care of getting full custody of your girls legally. You owe them that! They need a stable home with at least one decent parent to care for them as they can't do it on their own.

Stay strong, you will reap the benefits when you enjoy seeing your girls become wonderful, healthy adults!

That day will come faster then you think.
Yes I see that, hard to believe she could care so little about her daughters emotions, she came to pick them up Tuesday for the first time to take them out and tried forcing my oldest daughter to meet her bf, of course my daughter said no! My daughter then asked her if she could buy her something and her mother said I can't I don't have any money and I'm running out of gas . she then asked why don't you take some from the money you've been saving for your apartment, she answered I haven't saved anything. My daughter then told her then ask your dumb boyfriend to let you borrow some, she then replied he doesn't have any he spends it like me and we don't budget our money good . damn she traded me for this loser !
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post #52 of 426 (permalink) Old 06-03-2016, 01:01 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

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damn she traded me for this loser !
No Tomas, she gave you two beautiful daughters that have a very decent man as a father. She was sane enough when she mothered your girls. Always be thankful for that. Creation of who ever is giving your babies a fighting chance by it being you that fathered them!

Stay strong Tomas, she is messed up, has been for years. She is with the type of person she feels she deserves. She had a great family and threw it away just like her momma. Something is off kilter within her. It's her internal pollution that made her descend to pick a loser as the her new found love. It will not last long. It can't!

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #53 of 426 (permalink) Old 06-03-2016, 01:05 PM Thread Starter
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I wonder if she's going to bring these problems into her new relationship or if its really true love??
She will continue to cheat on any guy she is with. Just a fact of life. Some guys will put up with it, some won't.

Put your thoughts and energy towards your girls.

Who watches the girls while you are at work?
My older sister watches the little one while I'm at work and I pick up the oldest one from school when I can if I can get out of work early as I'm self employed. After that its me that cooks,and cleans , and watches after them.
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post #54 of 426 (permalink) Old 06-03-2016, 01:16 PM Thread Starter
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damn she traded me for this loser !
No Tomas, she gave you two beautiful daughters that have a very decent man as a father. She was sane enough when she mothered your girls. Always be thankful for that. Creation of who ever is giving your babies a fighting chance by it being you that fathered them!

Stay strong Tomas, she is messed up, has been for years. She is with the type of person she feels she deserves. She had a great family and threw it away just like her momma. Something is off kilter within her. It's her internal pollution that made her descend to pick a loser as the her new found love. It will not last long. It can't!
Funny thing is she is already making plans that she's gonna marry this guy and to be honest I give her 3 months at most and I think shell end up pregnant I can see her intentions, it seems like this guy is promising her the world . what do you think of this she asked me what I thought was a weird question she asked the last time we spoke. " what do you do when I have cramps, or what would you do?" Because this guy is nothing like you he rubs my belly to make it feel better, he takes really good care of me and is really caring.... I mean what type of crap is this guy feeling her head with or throwing at her? She has this knight and shining armor delusion of this guy.
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post #55 of 426 (permalink) Old 06-03-2016, 01:23 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

Why in Gods name are you listing to or engaging with this woman in any way, other than the kids or finances? Are you a glutton for abuse? She's not your friend!


"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.

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Last edited by anchorwatch; 06-03-2016 at 01:36 PM. Reason: big fingers, little tablet
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post #56 of 426 (permalink) Old 06-03-2016, 01:28 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

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Funny thing is she is already making plans that she's gonna marry this guy and to be honest I give her 3 months at most and I think shell end up pregnant I can see her intentions, it seems like this guy is promising her the world . what do you think of this she asked me what I thought was a weird question she asked the last time we spoke. " what do you do when I have cramps, or what would you do?" Because this guy is nothing like you he rubs my belly to make it feel better, he takes really good care of me and is really caring.... I mean what type of crap is this guy feeling her head with or throwing at her? She has this knight and shining armor delusion of this guy.
First bold part: Oh God, I hope she doesn't bring another innocent child into this world.



Second bold part: Well of course this guy is nothing like you? You work, clean, cook, bathe and care for your babies. She is not a baby. He treats her like that because she is messed up. He is playing her and using her. Her baby days are long gone, but emotionally she hasn't caught up yet. She may very well never catch up.

When she starts telling you this BS, walk away and tell her you have two real babies that need your care. The two she neglected!

You are walking away with the best she could give you...Your Girls!

Stop thinking that she loves this idiot she is with. She is emotionally stunted and therefore incapable of loving anyone. Not even her kids whom she had in her for 9 months! They are her flesh and blood. They say blood is thicker than water, well she doesn't show much love to her thick blood ties now does she?

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #57 of 426 (permalink) Old 06-03-2016, 01:45 PM Thread Starter
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Why in Gods name are you listing to or engaging with this woman in any way, other than the kids or finances? Are you a glut for abuse? She's not your friend!
I haven't talk to her in a month already no communication. Except for about 2 weeks ago I accidentally found her at a park she had my youngest daughter , I was with my oldest one . my daughter saw me and ran towards me and said she wanted to come home with me, I was so mad she had took my little one to meet her AP. She wanted to buckle her in my truck I snapped and told her if your done saying good bye could you just leave. And those are the only words I spoke to her. Her oldest daughter told me that her mom isn't the same person anymore.. And misses who she use to be.
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post #58 of 426 (permalink) Old 06-03-2016, 01:57 PM Thread Starter
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Funny thing is she is already making plans that she's gonna marry this guy and to be honest I give her 3 months at most and I think shell end up pregnant I can see her intentions, it seems like this guy is promising her the world . what do you think of this she asked me what I thought was a weird question she asked the last time we spoke. " what do you do when I have cramps, or what would you do?" Because this guy is nothing like you he rubs my belly to make it feel better, he takes really good care of me and is really caring.... I mean what type of crap is this guy feeling her head with or throwing at her? She has this knight and shining armor delusion of this guy.
First bold part: Oh God, I hope she doesn't bring another innocent child into this world.



Second bold part: Well of course this guy is nothing like you? You work, clean, cook, bathe and care for your babies. She is not a baby. He treats her like that because she is messed up. He is playing her and using her. Her baby days are long gone, but emotionally she hasn't caught up yet. She may very well never catch up.

When she starts telling you this BS, walk away and tell her you have two real babies that need your care. The two she neglected!

You are walking away with the best she could give you...Your Girls!

Stop thinking that she loves this idiot she is with. She is emotionally stunted and therefore incapable of loving anyone. Not even her kids whom she had in her for 9 months! They are her flesh and blood. They say blood is thicker than water, well she doesn't show much love to her thick blood ties now does she?
You are very wise you pretty much nailed everything. I remember the last thing I told her when I was stupid enough to try and get some sense into her and telling her how much it would affect the girls, not that she cared she was already to deep in her affair. was, whatever you do if you think this is your true love please do not make the same mistake your making today, don't make another child life hell. I hate her so much that she's pressuring my girls to accept this new guy, what kind of mother is she puts her emotions and needs before her daughter , she doesn't realize the pain she s putting her daughters through.
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post #59 of 426 (permalink) Old 06-03-2016, 01:59 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

Tomas, she says these things to make you feel bad and make you think that you're the reason for her bad behavior. These lies justify her bad behavior to herself any anyone who'll listen to her. It shifts blame from her to you. It's as if she says it enough it becomes reality. Don't entertain it and don't believe it. It's a form of abuse. DARVO: Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender

"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.

Resources for men...
ADHD and Marriage
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post #60 of 426 (permalink) Old 06-03-2016, 02:00 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

In due time, she'll get bored of this new man and she'll move onto another victim. I'm pretty positive of that.

I simply have zero respect for a woman who can easily bail on her children like your wife did.

What you need to do is forget about her sorry a$$. Focus on healing yourself and take incredible care, love, nurture and protect your girls! Don't involve or allow them to be involved in this disaster their mother has going on. Be their voice. And stand up for yourself.
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