Wife left my girls and me for a coworker - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
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post #76 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-04-2016, 12:25 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

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Originally Posted by Tomas View Post
Funny thing I just found out that she's already planning on getting married , she's hoping that guys gonna pop the question or he's leading her to believe that, man she seriously lost her marbles or really in her fog
So what? She left remember? Focus on YOU and the girls. You are so fixated on her that it's painful to see.

Please read about the 180 and start implementing it.

Are you two legally married?


Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #77 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-04-2016, 12:44 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

See a lawyer ASAP. You have all the advantages based on the facts. You should go for full custody and she should pay child support. She likely won't fight it. Change the locks if you haven't already.
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post #78 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-04-2016, 12:55 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

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Originally Posted by Tomas View Post
Funny thing I just found out that she's already planning on getting married , she's hoping that guys gonna pop the question or he's leading her to believe that, man she seriously lost her marbles or really in her fog
Good. Divorce her RIGHT NOW, when she is in the land of unicorns and rainbows, to help you secure a better deal.

"Wife, let's get divorced ASAP. I no longer want to hold you back from happiness. I will take the girls and the home, you can be free to have you boyfriend. Sign here."

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #79 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-04-2016, 01:29 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomas View Post
Funny thing I just found out that she's already planning on getting married , she's hoping that guys gonna pop the question or he's leading her to believe that, man she seriously lost her marbles or really in her fog
So what? She left remember? Focus on YOU and the girls. You are so fixated on her that it's painful to see.

Please read about the 180 and start implementing it.

Are you two legally married?
Yes ,we are. we were married 10yrs
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post #80 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-04-2016, 02:17 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

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Yes ,we are. we were married 10yrs
I'm sorry this is so hard for you. I completely understand, but you need to shake this need to know her every move. It will drive you bonkers and to no avail. Your girls need you. Focus on them and that will distract you from your pain for maybe a couple of seconds. Fight the urge to know what she is up to.

You must learn to live without her. You cannot afford to lose your girls to her and her new soulmate...(gag me).

That will be a whole lot worse!

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #81 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-04-2016, 02:22 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

@Tomas, just like you come here for support from Team TAM, you need to form Team Tomas from your family, friends, and lawyer. She can't beat all of you working together. Do not be too humble to allow them to help you. They can help making phone calls for legal and social services. If you are short money for a lawyer your team can help with a loan. Some lawyers will even spread out the payments to help you through.

Whatever you do to proceed you can't go without a legal counsel. The longer you wait, the higher the risk you'll lose your children to her selfish behaviors and put your daughters at risk. Your wife's AP doesn't care about your children, he only cares about himself and his selfish desires. Can you imagine what they will allow your girls to be exposed to? Can you see him playing daddy to them because you didn't get a lawyer in time to protect them?

Read this article... Child abuse the dark underbelly of cohabitation | NBC News


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"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.

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Last edited by anchorwatch; 06-04-2016 at 02:38 PM.
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post #82 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-04-2016, 02:41 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

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Originally Posted by GusPolinski View Post
Have you filed for divorce yet? If not, get it done, and push the divorce through to completion ASAP.

She's still in a dopamine-induced affair fog, so use that to your advantage -- you want the divorce to be over and done with well before the shine starts to come off the apple. You want her 110% focused on her relationship w/ Mr. Minimumwage McFoodstamps.

Limit contact to ONLY topics concerning the kids or the divorce, and use e-mail for that. In other words, no more texting, and no more phone calls that don't involve emergencies w/ the kids. This will help you to disengage and detach, as well as ensuring that everything is documented and easily accessible. Oh, and change passwords to everything -- e-mail, social media, etc.

Prepare yourself for a life w/o her; to that end, read up on and implement the 180.
Can't like this enough
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post #83 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-04-2016, 02:43 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

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Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
Good. Divorce her RIGHT NOW, when she is in the land of unicorns and rainbows, to help you secure a better deal.

"Wife, let's get divorced ASAP. I no longer want to hold you back from happiness. I will take the girls and the home, you can be free to have you boyfriend. Sign here."

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk
Absolutely yes, yes, yes. This!!!
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post #84 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-04-2016, 02:47 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

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Funny thing I just found out that she's already planning on getting married , she's hoping that guys gonna pop the question or he's leading her to believe that, man she seriously lost her marbles or really in her fog
This is your moment of opportunity. This silly woman is thinking he's going to pop the question when she's not even filed for divorce. Oh boy how he will change once you ARE divorced and he thinks he night have to be responsible for her!!!!
Do not, under any circumstances pass this opportunity by. File today!
While all she wants is this arsehat that will dump her the minute he thinks of the word responsibility.
Then she will want alimony, child support, full custody, etcetera.

If you wait to file, you are an idiot.
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post #85 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-04-2016, 03:37 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

Tomas,

Little exercise for you.

Go back to the first page of this thread and read the whole thing. I just did.

A WHOLE lot of speculation and pondering people and events you cannot change (her)

Very LITTLE information about you. What are your hobbies? Do you like sports? What job do you do? What do you like about your job? What do your co-workers rely on you to do?

How about your childhood? What was your mom like? Your father? What was a typical night like after Tomas came home from school?

Let me put this to you straight.

You've given us all sorts of information about someone we care nothing about - HER

You've given us almost zero information about someone we care very much about - YOU.

I'd recommend changing that... ASAP

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post #86 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-04-2016, 09:23 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

I know that you are hurting and that emotions are raw, but you have a window of opportunity that you need to take advantage of before it is too late. She wants the OM right now and will do what it takes to accomplish that mission. Consult with an attorney and get the ball rolling on divorce, visitation and finances. If you have been married for 10 years, she probably is entitled to part of your retirement. I would have her stipulate in the settlement that she waives that right, in return for a quick divorce. You don't have to be her buddy, but don't be intentionally mean before the papers are signed. Actually, you need to treat her with a certain amount of respect to her, not because she has earned it, but for your daughter sake. Moving quickly should give you an advantage, don't mention the food stamps, but save it as a chip to use in court.
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post #87 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 12:12 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GusPolinski View Post
Have you filed for divorce yet? If not, get it done, and push the divorce through to completion ASAP.

She's still in a dopamine-induced affair fog, so use that to your advantage -- you want the divorce to be over and done with well before the shine starts to come off the apple. You want her 110% focused on her relationship w/ Mr. Minimumwage McFoodstamps.

Limit contact to ONLY topics concerning the kids or the divorce, and use e-mail for that. In other words, no more texting, and no more phone calls that don't involve emergencies w/ the kids. This will help you to disengage and detach, as well as ensuring that everything is documented and easily accessible. Oh, and change passwords to everything -- e-mail, social media, etc.

Prepare yourself for a life w/o her; to that end, read up on and implement the 180.
Thanks for the advice guys I was able to find a lawyer that gives the first consultation free and was also able to borrow from family and friends about $2000 do you guys think that's enough to start the process.
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post #88 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 12:17 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Evinrude58 View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomas View Post
Funny thing I just found out that she's already planning on getting married , she's hoping that guys gonna pop the question or he's leading her to believe that, man she seriously lost her marbles or really in her fog
This is your moment of opportunity. This silly woman is thinking he's going to pop the question when she's not even filed for divorce. Oh boy how he will change once you ARE divorced and he thinks he night have to be responsible for her!!!!
Do not, under any circumstances pass this opportunity by. File today!
While all she wants is this arsehat that will dump her the minute he thinks of the word responsibility.
Then she will want alimony, child support, full custody, etcetera.

If you wait to file, you are an idiot.
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I have set up a meeting with him for this Tuesday . You guys are awesome and giving me the motivation to move forward and see how really crappy my relationship with this woman was and how I deserve better. Believe it or not you guys are helping get over this self blame and making things clearer for me to see. I've been living in hell for 10 years!
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post #89 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 12:38 AM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

Thomas the ones who come through this best get strong and stay there. It's the only way you can forge a life you deserve. Move on and don't look back. Go for full custody. Document and get witnesses. You will be way ahead of most.

Good luck man.
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post #90 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 01:08 AM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

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Originally Posted by Tomas View Post
Thanks for the advice guys I was able to find a lawyer that gives the first consultation free and was also able to borrow from family and friends about $2000 do you guys think that's enough to start the process.
If it's uncontested and depending on your state, it could be enough.

I'm glad you are feeling better. Keep keeping strong!

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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