Wife left my girls and me for a coworker - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
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post #121 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-07-2016, 11:18 AM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

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That's exactly how I feel, I feel like I have failed my daughter's even though the oldest one tells me not to worry
Classic example of codependency.

Sounds like your oldest one is pretty aware for her age.

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post #122 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-07-2016, 12:22 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

You didn't fail at anything. You are a loving, sensitive father who wants the best for his kids. No one will ever call that a failure.

Ending a marriage should hurt. It should rip you to pieces, because if it doesn't its hard to say it ever meant anything in the first place. When I divorced, I filled out the paperwork at the lawyer's office and they were arranging the service since the ex had already moved out of state. I checked on line to see when it happened and that first time I saw my divorce file on the court docket I just shriveled up and cried. We had a few delays in getting the uncontested order signed, and I sent the ex an email to tell him it was final (stupid-I should have let him find out in the mail, but that's a former co-dependent for you). His reply was "MEH" I had to ask the kids what that meant. After they told me I became really angry. How dare he MEH a 28 year marriage!

You think you are failing because right now, you believe you are completely responsible for the world. You're not. You are responsible for you, and your kids. You are not responsible for your STBX's conduct, or behavior. That is her burden to carry. Let her.

In youth it was a way I had, to do my best to please, And change, with every passing lad to suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know, and do the things I do; And if you do not like me so, To hell, my love, with you! --Dorothy Parker
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post #123 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 11:34 AM Thread Starter
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Ok, so i got up feeling like crap again emotionally tore up about everything and honestly im tired of it. Im tired of thinking about her, im tired of missing her. Why cant i just let go of her? I have accepted that this is for the best she will never love me or never has as she said. I know shes not worth it. I have not spoken to her in a month or texted her or any communication with her whatsoever, just the times i have to see her for a minute when she picks up the girls for a couple hrs. I was doing fine a couple weeks ago . but this week i feel like im back at square one on how i felt when she first left. I no longer dream of her like i did for the first 2 months but i just feel so broken. What i can i do to get over this situation faster i hate feeling this way. Sometimes i feel like im going to have a heart attack. Im going to start working out lifting waits go for that six pack i always wanted... Maybe change my look completely, different clothes, hair style? I just feel like getting rid of everything i have. Furniture, cars,maybe moving out and getting a different place. I just wake up and this past week ive just been feeling this way. Like i need to start over get a different place for me and my girls im just tired of everything i cant stand to be in the same place, look at the same things! Would this be a good idea i just feel so trapped, like i dont know who i am anymore. She broke me completely put my self esteem through the ground. Should i maybe do some causual dating... Not that i have the confidence for it ..she did a good job of making me feel worthless and unattractive. Thats why i just want to start over im tired of feeling this way.im tired of being the nice guy and always getting screwed everytime.
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post #124 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 11:39 AM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

So DO it! What's stopping you?? Purge the b!tch from your life.

Why are you not SEVERELY pissed at her?

And no, do NOT date!! DO NOT. Before you ever date again you need some heavy duty counseling to avoid becoming this puddle of misery ever ever again.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #125 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 11:44 AM Thread Starter
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So DO it! What's stopping you?? Purge the b!tch from your life.

Why are you not SEVERELY pissed at her?

And no, do NOT date!! DO NOT. Before you ever date again you need some heavy duty counseling to avoid becoming this puddle of misery ever ever again.
I read on some of the threads and some offered that advice that doing some casual dating and some fooling around will help detach faster . thats the only reason i was asking about that part. Man, i was seriously giving it some thought shes the only woman ive been with for 11yrs
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post #126 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 11:47 AM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

Don't DATE then. Hook up just for sex if you must. DO NOT get into another relationship.

The whole jumping right into another relationship thing only works for seriously alpha guys, which you aren't, dude.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #127 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 11:48 AM Thread Starter
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So DO it! What's stopping you?? Purge the b!tch from your life.

Why are you not SEVERELY pissed at her?

And no, do NOT date!! DO NOT. Before you ever date again you need some heavy duty counseling to avoid becoming this puddle of misery ever ever again.
Ohh and believe me i am pissed as hell, thats why im trying to harness that hate inside of me. Its hard because im not a hatefull person and well as much as i hate to admitt it still love her. Thats why im looking for ways to detach from her and the no communication is not working
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post #128 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 11:48 AM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

ETA - posted at the same time as you

You certainly do not seem pissed off in the least.

When I kicked my husband out for cheating, I rearranged my bedroom. Would have done the whole house if I'd had the money to.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #129 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 11:55 AM Thread Starter
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ETA - posted at the same time as you

You certainly do not seem pissed off in the least.

When I kicked my husband out for cheating, I rearranged my bedroom. Would have done the whole house if I'd had the money to.
I dont show her i care for her anymore. I cant stand to see her anymore thinking about her and the other man makes my blood boil . i remeber the last time i talked to her i told her . dont talk to me or call me if it has nothing to do with our daughters and the last time she got close to me and trired having a conversation with me i told her to f**k off but in a nicer way
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post #130 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 12:05 PM Thread Starter
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ETA - posted at the same time as you

You certainly do not seem pissed off in the least.

When I kicked my husband out for cheating, I rearranged my bedroom. Would have done the whole house if I'd had the money to.
Thats why im looking for a new place for me and my girls. I have already gotten rid of all the things she ever gave me and i mean everything. She left a few items behind i loaded everything in her small suv she has in the back. Im just getting rid of everthing. I need to find myself again i know when she met me i wasnt this weak ,pathetic person she now sees me as and thank you for your comment about not beign the alpha i needed to hear that at somepoint i was she saw me as a strong person i lost that at some point. Now i know what i want and need and i will find myself again. She will not have the last laugh!

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post #131 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 12:19 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

the best revenge is to move on and become the kind of guy that any woman would kill to have.

Our lives are a novel and we, the authors. if you don't like the story line, only you have the power to change it.
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post #132 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 12:24 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

How did the consultation go?

"The one who is most willing to walk away from the relationship, is the one who controls the relationship."
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post #133 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 12:44 PM Thread Starter
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It went good. He told me i have a chance at getting custody of my girls since her mother left and is commiting fraud with the food stamps. I have a meeting with him tomorrow. To file for divorce and also file for custody of the girls. I just hope i get custody of them as i live in a no fault state and women always have the upper hand
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post #134 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 12:45 PM Thread Starter
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How did the consultation go?
.
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post #135 of 379 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 12:46 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

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Thanks for the words of wisdom , I do ask myself that question on why I put up with it for 10years and I always get the same answer I love her or at least the image I had of her, even though she is no longer the same person. I stayed because I never wanted my girls to go thru the pain of divorce. I lost my mother at the age of 12 to cancer and it was really hard to not have both parents, I always imagined growing old together and having a happy family. I guess that's what gets me down the most I feel like I failed my girls and seeing them sad and crying some days just breaks me down and to top it off she don't care about her daughters feelings all she would say is they'll be OK they'll get over it . when they see me happy they'll be happy. I got over it when I was little and it didn't affect me one bit. This guy doesn't even seem worth it to be honest, he probably just tells her what she wants to hear, maybe its the fact that he might be better looking than me. Its just gotten to the point where my self esteem is really low.

Just have to put in my two cents. I lived through something similar to this a few years ago, feel free to read my previous posts. I too was left by the person I loved more than anything in the world (at that time), I felt like a tornado whipped through my life and destroyed everything I cared about. My partner turned into an enemy and I was helpless to stop any of it. Much of what you write, tells my story as well. I was with mine for ten years too and like your wife, mine became a completely different person also. And like you, I considered that marriage to be forever and believed we would grow old together. The loss of this dream was unbearably heartbreaking for me when I went through it.

Unlike you, I did not have children with this person. I can only imagine how much harder that makes this situation; on the other hand, having your daughters to focus on might actually help you move forward.

I've moved on with my life and am remarried now. My new W and I have our share of problems but we are moving forward and things now are very good, even when things with my new W were rocky they still were better than before, because I found my voice and will not let myself be pushed around and used again. We live and we learn and we do better next time. This pain will ease, and you will find someone better for yourself and your children.

All the best to you and your girls. They are lucky to have you.
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