Wife left my girls and me for a coworker - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 10:59 AM Thread Starter
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Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

So its been over 3 months that my wife left me and my girls to be with a co worker, supposedly she said he didn't work there anymore and got a better job but yesterday I found out through my oldest daughter that he still works there and makes minimum wage like her, it seem like she's lied about who he really is . she put me down in every way possible, if you can think it she probably told me that. You didn't show me much attention...even though I did everything for her and supported almost all her ideas. Told me I never loved you and we have nothing in common, didn't find me attractive and never did. Even went as far as to insult my man hood...could you believe that? Told me I was a great father but a bad husband because I payed to much attention to our girls and not her. She's been gone for more than three months and shows no remorse whatsoever, she comes to see the girls once a week and never buys them anything. She spends maybe 2/3 hrs with them the day she comes to visit. Tuesday was the first day she took them out and was forcing my daughter to meet her AP and i don't think that's right. Well turns out that she told my daughter she never has money and doesn't visit them because she spends her check on other things. My daughter then asks her why don't you ask your dumb boyfriend for some , she tells her oh because he spend he's money like me and is always broke. Really!! She left me and my girls for this looser and is willing to put them through this crap and think everything is OK and that there doing great! I gave this woman everything and in the end I still got screwed I forgave her years ago for cheating and it just seems I couldn't do anything right in our relationship. The last excuse she gave me before she walked out was this guy is everything your not he's going to give me a better future , he makes me laugh all the time, he makes me feel like I never felt before, he supports me in everything and motivates me at work. Our sex life is great. Really! Why do you think...maybe because you don't have any responsibility you can go out and party and sleep with him without the kids to worry about. I feel so worthless and used and while I try to lie to myself that I don't love her I can't I'll be OK for a day or two and then it hits me again.

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post #2 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 11:07 AM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

Ok, I get the picture. What are you going to do about it?

Do you want help on how to detach, focus on your family, and divorce?
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post #3 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 11:24 AM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

She is still controlling you, Tomas, whether you want to believe it or not. Your focus needs to be on yourself, and your kids. You can't take anything this ex has to say to heart because she is venom, and she says what she says because she knows she is the bad person. She is blame-shifting, a classic cheater's MO. It's hard for the BS to forget anything that was good in that relationship, but your real focus needs to be on all the bad stuff. It was HER fault, not yours. As with anything worthwhile, it will take time, and will get easier. Know that you are better than her, and that anything she says is because she knows she was in the wrong, even though remorse is not something she is capable of.
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post #4 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 11:44 AM Thread Starter
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She is still controlling you, Tomas, whether you want to believe it or not. Your focus needs to be on yourself, and your kids. You can't take anything this ex has to say to heart because she is venom, and she says what she says because she knows she is the bad person. She is blame-shifting, a classic cheater's MO. It's hard for the BS to forget anything that was good in that relationship, but your real focus needs to be on all the bad stuff. It was HER fault, not yours. As with anything worthwhile, it will take time, and will get easier. Know that you are better than her, and that anything she says is because she knows she was in the wrong, even though remorse is not something she is capable of.
I know its just so hard to let go I see all the bad things she's doing and what she's putting my girls through. Yet its also so hard to believe the way she is acting ,she's a totally different person and its hard to believe she considers this other man her soul mate, she makes it seem likes she's really happy, I haven't had contact with her in over a month . no calls or text, its just hard to believe she doesn't care. To be honest this new guy doesn't even seem like he shares a lot of things in common besides the fact of making her laugh and loved as she says
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post #5 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 11:54 AM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

Again, so what. Stop dwelling. What are you gong to do?
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post #6 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 12:00 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

Dude,
They all (cheaters) do this shlt. Say the same things, do the same things, seem like different people.

The good news is that you are free of this cheating **** that drains your happiness. Get full custody, divorce, and gleefully watch the downward spiral of her life while you improve yours and show your kids what a happy marriage to a good person looks like.

Please tell me you have filed for divorce and have retained a. Attorney. If not, you should be ashamed. Fix it. File now. Not tomorrow, today!
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post #7 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 12:12 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

Three months.

So what actions are you taking to take back control of your life and the lives of your kids?
Attorney
Counseling
MD
exercise

Plan your summer with the kids. Take a walk, go for a swim. And keep posting.

In youth it was a way I had, to do my best to please, And change, with every passing lad to suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know, and do the things I do; And if you do not like me so, To hell, my love, with you! --Dorothy Parker
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post #8 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 12:32 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

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Originally Posted by Pluto2 View Post
Three months.

So what actions are you taking to take back control of your life and the lives of your kids?
Attorney
Counseling
MD
exercise

Plan your summer with the kids. Take a walk, go for a swim. And keep posting.
File?

Sheesh.

Get it done.

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post #9 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 12:32 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

Three months is not very long and it will take a while until you get to the place where she has no more meaning in your life and her actions are inconsequential. But, most people get there eventually. Like the others have said, make sure you are getting your divorce done ASAP. There is a golden window where a cheater is so focused on their AP that you can divorce and get a very favorable settlement because they just don't care about the money. Use it to your advantage NOW. Once the window is gone it won't come back and she'll likely try to clean you out.

In the meantime focus on being the stability that your girls need. Be a great dad and a role model on how to live your life. Do activities you like, get into shape, and try to not worry about what your ex is doing.
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post #10 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 12:34 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Pluto2 View Post
Three months.

So what actions are you taking to take back control of your life and the lives of your kids?
Attorney
Counseling
MD
exercise

Plan your summer with the kids. Take a walk, go for a swim. And keep posting.
I've started to work out, I've been concentrating on my girls been taking them places, movies, parks, hiking, been trying to get them out of the house as much as possible. As for divorce I'm trying to borrow money from family members as I can't afford money for an attorney at the moment, I work in the construction field so work hasn't been that good for me these past couple months and on top of that I have been paying some other debts we had . she walked out during the hardest time. With what I'm making at the moment I'm making enough to keep up with the rent,bills, food and just like leaves me enough for taking the girls out on the weekends.

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post #11 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 12:53 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

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I know its just so hard to let go I see all the bad things she's doing and what she's putting my girls through. Yet its also so hard to believe the way she is acting ,she's a totally different person and its hard to believe she considers this other man her soul mate, she makes it seem likes she's really happy, I haven't had contact with her in over a month . no calls or text, its just hard to believe she doesn't care. To be honest this new guy doesn't even seem like he shares a lot of things in common besides the fact of making her laugh and loved as she says
So what! I can guarantee you it "looks" a lot better for her than it actually is. Take comfort in the fact that you no longer have to worry about whether she will be trustworthy or not. She is no longer on your gravy train, and that is a GOOD THING. Don't worry about her feelings anymore, or what she says. Who's to say she is being truthful anyway? She's NOT! Even your girls know that, and that is what you need to focus on.

I know it doesn't look like it now, but you are MUCH, MUCH better without her. It may be hard to believe right now, but the day WILL come when you don't care about her personal life anymore. The more you focus on other things the less time it will take to heal.

Get that divorce! Keep custody, and don't concede anything of value without a fight. You didn't deserve this. It was HER FAULT!

It may take a while, but one day you will look back at this relationship and wonder why you ever put up with it as long as you did, and why you invested so many tears and fears into somebody who definitely wasn't worth it.

Another woman will come along in a few months that actually has morals, and won't treat you that way. I guarantee it. Just make sure you are completely over her before any future relationship.
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post #12 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 12:56 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

You are the captain of a ship with a 1000 lb capacity. A rather beautiful yet heavy statue is in the cargo bay. You are slowly sinking with it still on board.

That statue is now overboard, and you are so busy fretting it's loss that you don't realize how much faster your ship sails.

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post #13 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 01:13 PM
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Re: Wife left my girls and me for a coworker

Nothing you say is shocking to the folks here.
You need to move on. Forget about her, the relationship is over. Divorce her, split your assets and work on yourself. Be a better person, improve your career with a better frame of mind and do not keep in touch with her. There is no such thing as "we are friends". Once she tires of him or he tires of her, they will split and she will come crawling back and want to make it your fault that she left. Do not take her back.
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post #14 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 01:50 PM Thread Starter
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Nothing you say is shocking to the folks here.
You need to move on. Forget about her, the relationship is over. Divorce her, split your assets and work on yourself. Be a better person, improve your career with a better frame of mind and do not keep in touch with her. There is no such thing as "we are friends". Once she tires of him or he tires of her, they will split and she will come crawling back and want to make it your fault that she left. Do not take her back.
She tried to talk to me about a month ago ,called for something that wasn't important I didn't answer her call, saw her a few days later somewhere and she tried to have small talk with me, I told her if she was done saying good bye to the girls if she could just leave as I didn't want to see her. It broke my heart doing that to her but she deserve it. Before this happened she told me she hoped we could have a good relationship for the girls sake. I told her don't call me if its not something that has to do with our girls. She hasn't text me or called since then, she seems happy, but its hard to believe what she traded her family for.
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post #15 of 437 (permalink) Old 06-02-2016, 02:02 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Luvher4life View Post
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Originally Posted by Tomas View Post
I know its just so hard to let go I see all the bad things she's doing and what she's putting my girls through. Yet its also so hard to believe the way she is acting ,she's a totally different person and its hard to believe she considers this other man her soul mate, she makes it seem likes she's really happy, I haven't had contact with her in over a month . no calls or text, its just hard to believe she doesn't care. To be honest this new guy doesn't even seem like he shares a lot of things in common besides the fact of making her laugh and loved as she says
So what! I can guarantee you it "looks" a lot better for her than it actually is. Take comfort in the fact that you no longer have to worry about whether she will be trustworthy or not. She is no longer on your gravy train, and that is a GOOD THING. Don't worry about her feelings anymore, or what she says. Who's to say she is being truthful anyway? She's NOT! Even your girls know that, and that is what you need to focus on.

I know it doesn't look like it now, but you are MUCH, MUCH better without her. It may be hard to believe right now, but the day WILL come when you don't care about her personal life anymore. The more you focus on other things the less time it will take to heal.

Get that divorce! Keep custody, and don't concede anything of value without a fight. You didn't deserve this. It was HER FAULT!

It may take a while, but one day you will look back at this relationship and wonder why you ever put up with it as long as you did, and why you invested so many tears and fears into somebody who definitely wasn't worth it.

Another woman will come along in a few months that actually has morals, and won't treat you that way. I guarantee it. Just make sure you are completely over her before any future relationship.
Thanks for the words of wisdom , I do ask myself that question on why I put up with it for 10years and I always get the same answer I love her or at least the image I had of her, even though she is no longer the same person. I stayed because I never wanted my girls to go thru the pain of divorce. I lost my mother at the age of 12 to cancer and it was really hard to not have both parents, I always imagined growing old together and having a happy family. I guess that's what gets me down the most I feel like I failed my girls and seeing them sad and crying some days just breaks me down and to top it off she don't care about her daughters feelings all she would say is they'll be OK they'll get over it . when they see me happy they'll be happy. I got over it when I was little and it didn't affect me one bit. This guy doesn't even seem worth it to be honest, he probably just tells her what she wants to hear, maybe its the fact that he might be better looking than me. Its just gotten to the point where my self esteem is really low.
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