So its been over 3 months that my wife left me and my girls to be with a co worker, supposedly she said he didn't work there anymore and got a better job but yesterday I found out through my oldest daughter that he still works there and makes minimum wage like her, it seem like she's lied about who he really is . she put me down in every way possible, if you can think it she probably told me that. You didn't show me much attention...even though I did everything for her and supported almost all her ideas. Told me I never loved you and we have nothing in common, didn't find me attractive and never did. Even went as far as to insult my man hood...could you believe that? Told me I was a great father but a bad husband because I payed to much attention to our girls and not her. She's been gone for more than three months and shows no remorse whatsoever, she comes to see the girls once a week and never buys them anything. She spends maybe 2/3 hrs with them the day she comes to visit. Tuesday was the first day she took them out and was forcing my daughter to meet her AP and i don't think that's right. Well turns out that she told my daughter she never has money and doesn't visit them because she spends her check on other things. My daughter then asks her why don't you ask your dumb boyfriend for some , she tells her oh because he spend he's money like me and is always broke. Really!! She left me and my girls for this looser and is willing to put them through this crap and think everything is OK and that there doing great! I gave this woman everything and in the end I still got screwed I forgave her years ago for cheating and it just seems I couldn't do anything right in our relationship. The last excuse she gave me before she walked out was this guy is everything your not he's going to give me a better future , he makes me laugh all the time, he makes me feel like I never felt before, he supports me in everything and motivates me at work. Our sex life is great. Really! Why do you think...maybe because you don't have any responsibility you can go out and party and sleep with him without the kids to worry about. I feel so worthless and used and while I try to lie to myself that I don't love her I can't I'll be OK for a day or two and then it hits me again.
She is still controlling you, Tomas, whether you want to believe it or not. Your focus needs to be on yourself, and your kids. You can't take anything this ex has to say to heart because she is venom, and she says what she says because she knows she is the bad person. She is blame-shifting, a classic cheater's MO. It's hard for the BS to forget anything that was good in that relationship, but your real focus needs to be on all the bad stuff. It was HER fault, not yours. As with anything worthwhile, it will take time, and will get easier. Know that you are better than her, and that anything she says is because she knows she was in the wrong, even though remorse is not something she is capable of.
I know its just so hard to let go I see all the bad things she's doing and what she's putting my girls through. Yet its also so hard to believe the way she is acting ,she's a totally different person and its hard to believe she considers this other man her soul mate, she makes it seem likes she's really happy, I haven't had contact with her in over a month . no calls or text, its just hard to believe she doesn't care. To be honest this new guy doesn't even seem like he shares a lot of things in common besides the fact of making her laugh and loved as she says
Dude,
They all (cheaters) do this shlt. Say the same things, do the same things, seem like different people.
The good news is that you are free of this cheating **** that drains your happiness. Get full custody, divorce, and gleefully watch the downward spiral of her life while you improve yours and show your kids what a happy marriage to a good person looks like.
Please tell me you have filed for divorce and have retained a. Attorney. If not, you should be ashamed. Fix it. File now. Not tomorrow, today! Posted via Mobile Device
Three months is not very long and it will take a while until you get to the place where she has no more meaning in your life and her actions are inconsequential. But, most people get there eventually. Like the others have said, make sure you are getting your divorce done ASAP. There is a golden window where a cheater is so focused on their AP that you can divorce and get a very favorable settlement because they just don't care about the money. Use it to your advantage NOW. Once the window is gone it won't come back and she'll likely try to clean you out.
In the meantime focus on being the stability that your girls need. Be a great dad and a role model on how to live your life. Do activities you like, get into shape, and try to not worry about what your ex is doing.
You are the captain of a ship with a 1000 lb capacity. A rather beautiful yet heavy statue is in the cargo bay. You are slowly sinking with it still on board.
That statue is now overboard, and you are so busy fretting it's loss that you don't realize how much faster your ship sails.
Nothing you say is shocking to the folks here.
You need to move on. Forget about her, the relationship is over. Divorce her, split your assets and work on yourself. Be a better person, improve your career with a better frame of mind and do not keep in touch with her. There is no such thing as "we are friends". Once she tires of him or he tires of her, they will split and she will come crawling back and want to make it your fault that she left. Do not take her back.
She tried to talk to me about a month ago ,called for something that wasn't important I didn't answer her call, saw her a few days later somewhere and she tried to have small talk with me, I told her if she was done saying good bye to the girls if she could just leave as I didn't want to see her. It broke my heart doing that to her but she deserve it. Before this happened she told me she hoped we could have a good relationship for the girls sake. I told her don't call me if its not something that has to do with our girls. She hasn't text me or called since then, she seems happy, but its hard to believe what she traded her family for.
So its been over 3 months that my wife left me and my girls to be with a co worker
she put me down in every way possible, if you can think it she probably told me that. You didn't show me much attention...even though I did everything for her and supported almost all her ideas.
Told me I never loved you and we have nothing in common, didn't find me attractive and never did. Even went as far as to insult my man hood...
She's been gone for more than three months and shows no remorse whatsoever...
Tuesday was the first day she took them out and was forcing my daughter to meet her AP
I forgave her years ago for cheating and it just seems I couldn't do anything right in our relationship.
sex life is great. Really! Why do you think...maybe because you don't have any responsibility you can go out and party and sleep with him without the kids to worry about.
Wow, what a great life partner and responsible parent she's made. A real prize. NOT!!!
I'm afraid to ask what you passed up for her?
I feel so worthless and used and while I try to lie to myself that I don't love her I can't I'll be OK for a day or two and then it hits me again.
Worthless? You? The man who puts a roof over his family's heads, clean clothes on their backs, and food on the table for them. The man who creates a stable environment for them to grow in? Don't ever use that word to describe yourself. Don't let her ever tell you that either, because your not. She knocks you down to make herself taller and you're swallowing that bull$hit hook, line, and sinker. That's why you feel like a failure, not because you are one.
Stand up for yourself and your family. Do as @farsidejunky says. Throw her overboard and set sail to a better future for you and yours. You deserve better than her. Your kids deserve better than her. We all deserve better.
@Tomas, many attorneys will give you a free consultation, and there are local bars that will offer some limited help when it comes to divorce. Its definitely worth a few phone calls to find out. There are also lots of resources on line to do things like draft a simple separation agreement (it depends on your jurisdiction if you need a one-year separation before you can file). Taking this kind of action over your life is more empowering than you might think. Then there's the perks of sending the forms to your STBX and slapping her upside the head with the reality of her actions.
I hate the "can't we still be friends" line after BS rips your heart into little pieces. Yeah, yeah, I get the "its better for the kids if the parents get along" line of thought. But that can mean that you two don't fight in front of the kids. I don't want to be friends with someone who betrayed me, that's just not how friends behave. (or spouses!)
I'll also toss out there that in my community the parks and rec people have lots of free summer programs for kids. How old are the kids? Do you have family nearby that can help?
My oldest is 10 and youngest is 4, I have family helping me take her of them while I'm at work. I pickup my oldest from school and after that spend all day with them. The hard part is dealing with the kids emotions while trying to keep myself together. Its incredible how she could care less she doesn't even bother calling during the day to check up on them ,my oldest has a cell phone so she doesn't even have to speak with me. Is she really in love with this man or is it just something she'll get over. Her oldest asked her pick him or me and her answer was I'm not leaving you , I just I need to feel loved and he makes me feel that way.
So its been over 3 months that my wife left me and my girls to be with a co worker
she put me down in every way possible, if you can think it she probably told me that. You didn't show me much attention...even though I did everything for her and supported almost all her ideas.
Told me I never loved you and we have nothing in common, didn't find me attractive and never did. Even went as far as to insult my man hood...
She's been gone for more than three months and shows no remorse whatsoever...
Tuesday was the first day she took them out and was forcing my daughter to meet her AP
I forgave her years ago for cheating and it just seems I couldn't do anything right in our relationship.
sex life is great. Really! Why do you think...maybe because you don't have any responsibility you can go out and party and sleep with him without the kids to worry about.
Wow, what a great life partner and responsible parent she's made. A real prize. NOT!!!
I'm afraid to ask what you passed up for her?
I feel so worthless and used and while I try to lie to myself that I don't love her I can't I'll be OK for a day or two and then it hits me again.
Worthless? You? The man who puts a roof over his family's heads, clean clothes on their backs, and food on the table for them. The man who creates a stable environment for them to grow in? Don't ever use that word to describe yourself. Don't let her ever tell you that either, because your not. She knocks you down to make herself taller and you're swallowing that bull$hit hook, line, and sinker. That's why you feel like a failure, not because you are one.
Stand up for yourself and your family. Do as @farsidejunky says. Throw her overboard and set sail to a better future for you and yours. You deserve better than her. Your kids deserve better than her. We all deserve better.
Thanks for the kind words my kids do see me as a great father and the stable one .my oldest doesn't even want to live with her mother and says the only reason she'll leave with her mother is to protect her little sister which Is 4. Its just sometimes the crap they say gets to you. Its hard to think how they can put there kids threw this and assume everything is OK with them, I can't believe my stbxw I told my daughter I don't love your dad I'm in love with someone else and he's better than your dad in every way. Its amazing how much a person can change.
She might get over the OM (she got over you, right?), but she will never be in love with you again like she was. So please, give up hope (acceptance!!!) and move forward with your life or you are screwed. Please, file now for your own good before she starts wanting money and not this particular OM. Posted via Mobile Device
She could not breath properly on the "Mountain with an Expansive Vista" that you provided her.
She slithered down the steep slope and now comfortably lives in the lowland, in the bog, surrounded by swampland, amidst her fellow scaly critters and ever-present skeeters [some of which are two-legged blood-suckers].
Toads like her have no shoulders and they have no inclination to carry any load.
Why did she do this?
FOR: No responsibility, no pressures. She can smoke pot or do drugs, or have sex with whoever she wants........or not, if she chooses not to.
This is the hippie life and she is Neo-flower child.
I give her ten years. She will get plump, she will lose her teeth and any beauty that she possessed will require will require a ton of money to resurrect, that she will never have.
What feels good today has a price in tomorrow's unforgiving "bazaar". How bizarre!
She cut her ties to you and the children. In her haste, she knicked her own throat. The slow bleed-out will bring to bear; her progressing woes.
Her once pretty face will [oh-too-soon] kiss the muddy-muck...... when her kneed life-support give out.....and she collapses into despair....FACE DOWN.
A good plum WS did deliver, They be diamonds............. and they be daughters.
tomas, you are lucky and you dont know it. You have your kids. I had mine and let my wife come home three years ago and now she is trying to boot me from the house and get custody of my kids . I wish I never let her back. Forget about her YOU NEED TOO YOU HAVE TOO . Move on with your girls. Now im fighting for custody after I already was awarded custody!!!!! PLEASE LISTEN TO ME. Just a second note, they dont change I thought mine had but she didnt the lies, the lies, the lies it never ends. Funny , my attorney told me that 3 years ago
You are the custodial parent and primary caregiver already!
She's abandoned those children for months! Document! Document! Document everything you've done and she has not done. Then when you contact a lawyer he'll be armed with that evidence. Are you involved in their school yet?
You need to step up and be proactive till this is over. Don't just let things happen.
I know it's hard, but you are all you and those children have for a chance at a normal life. Stand up and make sure you have your say in what will happen.
Get a bound notebook calendar and go back to the day she left, and fill out data on every day since then - showing how little she is with her children. Once you get a lawyer, show them the calendar and say you want full custody of your girls.
I'm not even going to give you advice on how to get her back, because I don't want you back with her; she's a serial cheater and you deserve better.
I have all the times she has come over written down I'm going to go buy a calendar planner tonight and copy everything over.
As for getting her back I have lost that hope already, no matter how much I love her and I do I can't take her back, with all she's done to me,she left me broken, feeling worthless, and unattractive that's how bad she's made me feel, besides I doubt she would want to come back she's so in love with her affair partner
Don't assume she gets custody.
The longer you are the primary care-giver for the two kids, the better your chances of retaining legal custody upon divorce. Document everything. Keep a journal and quickly jot down things like : prepared breakfast, prepped for school, assisted w/homework, made dinner, coordinated play-date, talked with teacher, took to MD, etc. If or when she takes the girls for the night write that down along with any communication you have with the kids when they are not with you. Write them down daily, like at the end of the day. It will be invaluable when it comes to you getting custody. The court will listen to a daily journal.
Nope Its called abandonment She did it to you, She abandoned you and the kids, bad move on her part. Its a legal procedure. No judge in their right mind will fall for this crap
Three months is not a very long time and I know you are still off balance and reeling from the shock of what your wife has done, but...the others are right. You need to find an attorney and you need to educate yourself immediately about your rights as a parent.
As the other posters noted, your wife abandoned not only you, but her own children! This is huge. Please document everything she has done and said. She had the nerve to criticize you for putting the girls ahead of her...do you have any idea how crazy that's going to sound to a judge?
Yeah she told me that was one of the major reasons, she said your a great father you worry too much about your kids and don't pay much attention to me, you always put them first, your a horrible husband good look to the next one after me, even though I was the one cleaning the house ,looking after the girls ,helping with homework and even cooked a lot of times and even took her lunch to work.. Home cooked could you believe that and she still said before she left she hated me visiting her at work she decided to leave one night when I told her the girls rooms a mess and you never help me with it, she then went crazy on me and said she worked hard too just like me, even though I was always the one doing everything. After that day she blocked me out and wouldn't even talk to me, said she felt angry every time she looked at me.after that they she would start getting home past 3:00am. This lasted 2 weeks and decided to leave to be with AP of course she denied it at first.
I know this is hard and I am sorry for your situation. In a way you are lucky. I wish my stbxw would leave me and our son. Then there would be no custody dispute and I could provide him with a stable life. Instead she wants to take him out of the state so there will be a battle. It is good that you do not have to deal with this type of issue.
I can honestly say that I was AT LEAST as crushed, depressed, self esteem gone, not looking forward to waking up the next day and hoping I wouldn't, as you. It's been about two years. I feel now that this horrible evil deed that was done by her, turned out to be a blessing to me. I am now in a happy, loving, affectionate relationship that leaves me feeling fulfilled, happy, excited, and content. I wonder how I ever was happy in my past marriage.
It can happen to you, also.
You are going to be miserable. But, if you will force yourself to do what you know you should, you will go forward and find contentment again.
Do not be afraid to start over. God can turn the worst situation around if you get out if his way. Posted via Mobile Device
Yeah I can see how she had this planned out for awhile already I mean this isn't the first time she did this, first time she walked out on us though like she didn't even care. My daughter told me she acts different now not mommy like anymore it makes me sad to hear it coming from my daughter. Its just hard for us people that actually value family and wedding vows , I would of never had done something like this to her even when she cheated the first time and like this time it was with a co worker. It seems like every job she gets I always had to worry about it
I wasn't leaning to much toward dating other women. Most of my guy friends now live in other states or live really far away so its hard to get out with the guy friends, like I said I dedicated myself to my family and didn't really concentrate on making new friends I was just worried about spending time with my family and that's why she said I put my daughters first all the time. I do however have a best friend that I have know since high school but here's the problem shes a female and she's the closest friend I have about half hour drive. She's been asking me to come visit or meet up. She's been helping me since this happened ,she checks up on me daily. She also use to be my stbxw best friend when they were young, she even warned me about her not to fall for her because she knew how she was. I guess I should of listened to her but then again I wouldn't have my 2 beautiful girls.
So I was up until 3:00am guys thinking like I have for the past 3 months, thinking off all the stuff she blamed me for all the things she told me i didn't do, and I do have to admit some of them I could of improved in, maybe I did show my girls more attention than her. However I realize that is not a reason to cheat but an excuse to do so. I recalled her telling me before she left I know what I want and what I deserve and you can't give me it... And I will get it. Turns out her AP is a loser and really is not the guy she made him to be, he's not buying her a house anytime soon, or giving her all the luxuries she wanted, all he's doing is making her feel good and telling her what she wants to hear. I mean my stbxw is attractive. Back to my original point ,as I was thinking last night I recalled something that I had tried to forget in the beginning of our relationship and succeeded until last night. I have been blindly in love with this woman, as I believe in god and was so happy to find out she was pregnant and made a promise to god to never leave her and love her. Well what I recalled that her first job she had which was a about 1.5 yr into our relationship she cheated on me and confessed herself she had kissed a co worker about a month when she started working, she quit that job. I forgave her. About 2 yes later new job had a physical affair with co worker I caught her through text messages telling him I love you,she confessed and with. Fast forward a couple years caught her in a emotional affair with some guy from Facebook that lived somewhere in Dubai. This happened a year ago I forgave we decided to work it out, she started working in retail store a couple weeks later and now were hear again same problem a coworker physical affair. Now I think man I really love this woman or is it the love I have for my girls and my illusion of always trying to keep my family together. Wtf is wrong with me why did I deal with this crap for so long?
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