He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
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post #61 of 139 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 03:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

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We all were ignorant until it happened to us. I hope you get some good advice. I assure you that you aren't as helpless as your ex wants you to believe. Why do you think he hasn't divorced you yet? It's not because he still lives you, sadly.
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So what are you saying? That he's afraid I'll take him for everything he's worth? You lost me there.

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post #62 of 139 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 03:03 PM
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

I'm saying that a divorce will be expensive for him.
I don't think you should take him for everything.
Just divorce. And I don't think it will cost you.
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post #63 of 139 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 03:20 PM Thread Starter
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

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I'm saying that a divorce will be expensive for him.
I don't think you should take him for everything.
Just divorce. And I don't think it will cost you.
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I think I completely misunderstood what you meant lol. Ok. That clears things up for me, thank you.

I do honestly wish that this wasn't happening, but such is life I suppose.
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post #64 of 139 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 03:25 PM
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

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So what are you saying? That he's afraid I'll take him for everything he's worth? You lost me there.
At a minimum he would be liable for child support which it doesn't sound from your postings he is providing much in the way of financial help.

This isn't his only factor why he hasn't filed but no doubt plays a part. You don't have to take him to the cleaners or try to really but you are entitled to half. Marriage is fun that way, even though it's mine/yours it's really all ours and subject to division.

Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday
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post #65 of 139 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 03:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

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At a minimum he would be liable for child support which it doesn't sound from your postings he is providing much in the way of financial help.

This isn't his only factor why he hasn't filed but no doubt plays a part. You don't have to take him to the cleaners or try to really but you are entitled to half. Marriage is fun that way, even though it's mine/yours it's really all ours and subject to division.
No, I don't want to take him for all he's worth. I'm just not that kind of person. I don't have a vindictive bone in my body. Being "too nice" has gotten me into this mess this deep. I should have stood up for myself long ago. I have complete access to our bank account but I rarely use it, just to pay bills. I use my wages, which are very little, to pay for gas, my student loans and groceries.
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post #66 of 139 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 04:03 PM
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

I truly hope you find your way out of this marriage and into happiness.
You are a rare woman indeed to have this attitude.

Glad you're seeing a lawyer.
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post #67 of 139 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 04:06 PM Thread Starter
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

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I truly hope you find your way out of this marriage and into happiness.
You are a rare woman indeed to have this attitude.

Glad you're seeing a lawyer.
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What attitude would you be referring to? And I do hope I can be happy again. I'm steering clear of men for a very, very long time. Sad to say but it's true.
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post #68 of 139 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 04:20 PM
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

An attitude of making your own way and not going after cash and prizes in a divorce.
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Btw, it's not all men, it's him. Keep blame placed where it belongs-- on him.

There's plenty of bad people of any gender. Don't waste time blaming gender. Blame your lousy, cheating, cake eating husband.
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post #69 of 139 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 04:22 PM
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

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No, I don't want to take him for all he's worth. I'm just not that kind of person. I don't have a vindictive bone in my body. Being "too nice" has gotten me into this mess this deep. I should have stood up for myself long ago. I have complete access to our bank account but I rarely use it, just to pay bills. I use my wages, which are very little, to pay for gas, my student loans and groceries.
You can't just not take anything. You have a child to think about. If you own property, it needs to be sold and you get half. If you don't want it, your child should most certainly have it. It is not vindictiveness at all. It's fairness and also being an advocate for your child.

He should pay for your daughter's food. Her school expenses and her needs. Most states allocate 20% of the parent earnings for the first child to support and 5% to each additional child.

That is standard and not one bit done out of vindictiveness or malice. He owes her that. You can discuss her future as well and how you two will provide for her higher education as child support is only mandatory until the child reaches 18. Most parents will accept paying child support until the child finishes college and can truly stand on their own.

I hope this helps you see why it's convenient for him to leave this as it is.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #70 of 139 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 04:46 PM
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

I don't agree with putting all financial support of the child on the father. That this notion is "fair" is crazy to me. Lots and lots of women take child support and are allowed to spend it on themselves or their new bf's. Seen it myself personally.
If a man makes 150k a year, why should he have to pay 30k a year in child support, and the ex wife pay nothing? It seems the man gets shafted with custody going to the wife almost invariably, and he gets shafted financially as well. And people call this "fair"????

This fairness idea needs revamping. Divorce should result in accountability for both parents, not just men. Women should be willing to do their part since they want all this equality. Like the OP, she should go after what's fair, but nothing more. But most women aren't like OP. Too bad.

But I agree, OP, you should listen to your lawyer and get what you can. If you think it's unfair, you can always give what you don't need back to him. But don't be too nice. Just be fair.
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post #71 of 139 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 04:51 PM Thread Starter
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

@Bibi1031. I wasn't saying I wouldn't want child support and the like. I was just stating that I don't want to take him for everything he's worth. It pains me to think that I should make him sell the house and split the profit with me. That's just the kind of person I am. I'm not saying it won't happen, I'm just saying I won't enjoy having that happen.

Yes, I do know he should be paying for some of our daughters things. He put himself in this mess, I wanted reconciliation.
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post #72 of 139 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 04:54 PM Thread Starter
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

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Originally Posted by Evinrude58 View Post
I don't agree with putting all financial support of the child on the father. That this notion is "fair" is crazy to me. Lots and lots of women take child support and are allowed to spend it on themselves or their new bf's. Seen it myself personally.
If a man makes 150k a year, why should he have to pay 30k a year in child support, and the ex wife pay nothing? It seems the man gets shafted with custody going to the wife almost invariably, and he gets shafted financially as well. And people call this "fair"????

This fairness idea needs revamping. Divorce should result in accountability for both parents, not just men. Women should be willing to do their part since they want all this equality. Like the OP, she should go after what's fair, but nothing more. But most women aren't like OP. Too bad.

But I agree, OP, you should listen to your lawyer and get what you can. If you think it's unfair, you can always give what you don't need back to him. But don't be too nice. Just be fair.
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I completely agree. I do not and will not take him for all he has. Regardless of the circumstances, I still love him and always will. I'm a kind soul. I hate conflict and try to keep the peace whenever possible.
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post #73 of 139 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 05:08 PM
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

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Originally Posted by fallen22 View Post
No, I don't want to take him for all he's worth. I'm just not that kind of person. I don't have a vindictive bone in my body. Being "too nice" has gotten me into this mess this deep. I should have stood up for myself long ago. I have complete access to our bank account but I rarely use it, just to pay bills. I use my wages, which are very little, to pay for gas, my student loans and groceries.
I was the same way when I went through my divorces, I had no interest in taking someone to the cleaners or being vindictive. Get your child support and split your assets.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


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post #74 of 139 (permalink) Old 06-15-2016, 05:37 PM
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

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Originally Posted by Evinrude58 View Post
I don't agree with putting all financial support of the child on the father. That this notion is "fair" is crazy to me.
The custodial parent is the one that receives the child support. It's not gender specific. Sadly, most states sway towards the mother being the custodial parent. I find that unfair as the mother is not always the best of the two parents.

I think the % alottedbymost states is fair. It's intended for the child, but if the custodial parent spends it on something else; that's on them and not the system.

To be honest, very few earn $150,000 a year. The average income may be half of that. So, it's quite fair. Would 10% be enough? I don't think so.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #75 of 139 (permalink) Old 06-23-2016, 11:18 AM Thread Starter
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

Just thought I would catch everyone up and let you know I am hiring an attorney. He's fighting me for custody of our daughter but says he wants to be nice and not fight. **** that. He wants this damn divorce and I'm getting the best attorney in the region. How I'm gonna pay for I have no idea but I'll get it figured out.

Anyone have any advice on how to handle this because I'm in one state with our daughter and he's in another.
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