He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't - Page 8 - Talk About Marriage
Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

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post #106 of 139 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 09:31 AM
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

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I can't let several 25 year friendships go down the drain. These girls are my childhood friends and they've been there for me and I for them since kindergarten. Their the ones keeping me afloat. If I let them go I'll end up in a hospital. I'm already spiraling downhill at a rapid rate. I think I'm severely depressed and probably need to go to a doctor or therapist.

I'm not doing well at all. Literally everything makes me cry. I just want to sleep all the time and I don't each much. I don't enjoy things anymore. I don't want to be around anyone, I just would rather be alone. I know I need help and I guess that's one good thing, that I know I need it.
Fallen, are you going to counseling? Sounds like some depression is creeping in. Are you blaming yourself for anything your husband did? Are you fearful of your future? You cannot beat yourself over your husband's actions and you will find a way fwd financially. What did the attorney say about alimony?

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post #107 of 139 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 09:59 AM Thread Starter
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I can't let several 25 year friendships go down the drain. These girls are my childhood friends and they've been there for me and I for them since kindergarten. Their the ones keeping me afloat. If I let them go I'll end up in a hospital. I'm already spiraling downhill at a rapid rate. I think I'm severely depressed and probably need to go to a doctor or therapist.

I'm not doing well at all. Literally everything makes me cry. I just want to sleep all the time and I don't each much. I don't enjoy things anymore. I don't want to be around anyone, I just would rather be alone. I know I need help and I guess that's one good thing, that I know I need it.
Fallen, are you going to counseling? Sounds like some depression is creeping in. Are you blaming yourself for anything your husband did? Are you fearful of your future? You cannot beat yourself over your husband's actions and you will find a way fwd financially. What did the attorney say about alimony?
I was in counseling and it helped when I still had hope for my marriage. I haven't been in almost two months. I don't blame myself for anything he did, I just feel like this never would have happened if I'd been a better, more caring and loving wife.

Yes I'm scared to death of my future. I have nothing but my personal belongings and even they are still with him in Nevada. Montana is a crappy state for alimony so I prolly won't be granted any. I want my things and my daughters things but I don't know if I should just go get them or wait until something is filed. I keep having these awful thoughts about another woman in my house, maybe wearing my jewelry or clothes, using my things. I want my stuff but I don't know when is an appropriate time to fetch them.

And I won't be going alone. My cousin, who is a very large man, will be taking me when I do go because he doesn't want me to go alone and will be there to make sure everything goes well. I just don't know when to go. But I want my things.
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post #108 of 139 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 11:17 AM
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

Fallen, get your belongings when you have filed. The filing should include temp orders re custody and personal belongings. Go once you have legal documents in your possession to show the police in case things go south while you're there.

Go back to counseling. A certain level of depression in your situation is normal, but if it becomes too much you may need medication temporarily to help you through the worst of it. No shame in that. I've seen a lot of people going through a painful divorce use anti-depressants and/or anti-anxiety medications for 6 months or so until they could cope on their own.
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post #109 of 139 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 12:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

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Fallen, get your belongings when you have filed. The filing should include temp orders re custody and personal belongings. Go once you have legal documents in your possession to show the police in case things go south while you're there.

Go back to counseling. A certain level of depression in your situation is normal, but if it becomes too much you may need medication temporarily to help you through the worst of it. No shame in that. I've seen a lot of people going through a painful divorce use anti-depressants and/or anti-anxiety medications for 6 months or so until they could cope on their own.
Ok thank you. I will do that. I have paperwork for a parenting plan. I don't know how to fill it out though so I'll need to go to the county attorney. I really don't have a choice but to file without hiring an attorney because I can't afford one.

I had post partum depression after my daughter was born for about six months but I'm not sure if this is worse than that was or not. I'm up and down all the time. Like today, I'm ok for the most part, but yesterday and Tuesday were pretty bad. I have no shame in getting medication. I just can't afford it...
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post #110 of 139 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 12:54 PM
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

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Ok thank you. I will do that. I have paperwork for a parenting plan. I don't know how to fill it out though so I'll need to go to the county attorney. I really don't have a choice but to file without hiring an attorney because I can't afford one.

I had post partum depression after my daughter was born for about six months but I'm not sure if this is worse than that was or not. I'm up and down all the time. Like today, I'm ok for the most part, but yesterday and Tuesday were pretty bad. I have no shame in getting medication. I just can't afford it...
I did my own divorce, with kids, because I couldn't afford an attorney, either.

In my state, the county will only accept certain forms. Other counties make their own rules. So, make sure whatever forms you have are acceptable to the county you'll be filing in.

If there is low/no income help available, use it! Also, clerks are Gods and Goddesses. They know more about how the system works and the judges than the judges do. So, if you get stuck, call and politely ask a clerk. They can't give legal advice by law here, but the will gladly point you in the right direction.

Here, if you're legally married the state counts both incomes when determining eligibility for assistance. Even if one has moved out or is denying access to the money. Once one or the other have filed for divorce, the spouses incomes are separate and the low earner who may need help would then qualify. Once you have filed for divorce, you may be able to qualify for assistance for yourself and your kids if you need help with healthcare. If not, look for sliding scale mental health services and sliding scale pharmacies.

Here, the county has a program through certain pharmacies to cover medications for the uninsured. My $89 a month blood pressure meds only cost me $5 through the program. When I was taking anti-depressants, I was paying $1. I joined the program through the pharmacy, but was notified it existed through the health department. Do some checking, there might be something similar where you live.
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post #111 of 139 (permalink) Old 07-01-2016, 10:32 AM Thread Starter
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

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I did my own divorce, with kids, because I couldn't afford an attorney, either.

In my state, the county will only accept certain forms. Other counties make their own rules. So, make sure whatever forms you have are acceptable to the county you'll be filing in.

If there is low/no income help available, use it! Also, clerks are Gods and Goddesses. They know more about how the system works and the judges than the judges do. So, if you get stuck, call and politely ask a clerk. They can't give legal advice by law here, but the will gladly point you in the right direction.

Here, if you're legally married the state counts both incomes when determining eligibility for assistance. Even if one has moved out or is denying access to the money. Once one or the other have filed for divorce, the spouses incomes are separate and the low earner who may need help would then qualify. Once you have filed for divorce, you may be able to qualify for assistance for yourself and your kids if you need help with healthcare. If not, look for sliding scale mental health services and sliding scale pharmacies.

Here, the county has a program through certain pharmacies to cover medications for the uninsured. My $89 a month blood pressure meds only cost me $5 through the program. When I was taking anti-depressants, I was paying $1. I joined the program through the pharmacy, but was notified it existed through the health department. Do some checking, there might be something similar where you live.
I may be able to get legal financial assistance. I hate having to do all this work for something I don't want, but my husband has shown no initiative to file. He doesn't want us to use attorneys, probably because he knows he can't afford one and because he knows he's basically given up his rights to our daughter. He let us leave, it's been six months.....ya...

There's places I can go for sliding fee scale healthcare, and I'll be sure to make him keep our daughter on his healthcare plan. I only take two medications and one is just BC, so I don't worry much about my daily meds. Just if we were to get sick or something.
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post #112 of 139 (permalink) Old 07-04-2016, 11:57 PM
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

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I may be able to get legal financial assistance. I hate having to do all this work for something I don't want, but my husband has shown no initiative to file. He doesn't want us to use attorneys, probably because he knows he can't afford one and because he knows he's basically given up his rights to our daughter. He let us leave, it's been six months.....ya...

There's places I can go for sliding fee scale healthcare, and I'll be sure to make him keep our daughter on his healthcare plan. I only take two medications and one is just BC, so I don't worry much about my daily meds. Just if we were to get sick or something.
Hi Fallen22, hope your Fourth of July went well, one day at a time.

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Your inbox is full. 😉
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post #113 of 139 (permalink) Old 07-13-2016, 11:00 PM Thread Starter
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I was served with divorce papers today, one day before our ninth anniversary.......
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post #114 of 139 (permalink) Old 07-14-2016, 05:24 AM
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

Fallen, things will only get better, your WH would have caused you a life of misery. How are you doing?
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post #115 of 139 (permalink) Old 07-14-2016, 12:54 PM Thread Starter
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

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Fallen, things will only get better, your WH would have caused you a life of misery. How are you doing?
I'm awful. And my sister in law is harassing me. I just want to die.




@SlowHand, I don't think my messages are sending to you.

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post #116 of 139 (permalink) Old 07-14-2016, 01:01 PM
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

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I'm awful. And my sister in law is harassing me. I just want to die.

@SlowHand, I don't think my messages are sending to you.
Im sorry being served has hurt you, but on a positive note, it is a step FORWARD, leading you out of the limbo you have been in.

BLOCK your SIL. You don't need to put up with her sh!t.

Hang in there, we are here for you.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
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post #117 of 139 (permalink) Old 07-14-2016, 02:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

That's how it started. I removed her as a friend on Facebook and she went crazy telling me I shouldn't take my anger out on her and that if I remove her I best remove her husband and kid too. Then this morning I got a worse message, a text no less. I have been in tears all day long and I told my husband to tell her to back off and if she doesn't leave me alone I'll file harassment charges on her.
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post #118 of 139 (permalink) Old 07-14-2016, 02:47 PM
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

Getting divorced is a GOOD thing!!

PLEASE go back to counseling.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #119 of 139 (permalink) Old 07-14-2016, 03:51 PM Thread Starter
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

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Getting divorced is a GOOD thing!!

PLEASE go back to counseling.

How can you say that? Divorce isn't a good thing. I'm heartbroken. I didn't marry my husband so I could divorce him 9 years later. For heavens sake today is our anniversary and I'm trying to figure out how to respond to a divorce decree.
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post #120 of 139 (permalink) Old 07-14-2016, 04:02 PM
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Re: He says he wants divorce, I don't think he does and I sure don't

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How can you say that? Divorce isn't a good thing. I'm heartbroken. I didn't marry my husband so I could divorce him 9 years later. For heavens sake today is our anniversary and I'm trying to figure out how to respond to a divorce decree.
Go back to the beginning of this thread and read your post and all the replies. PLEASE. Being married to this man was a horrible thing for you! Of course no one wants to end up divorced when they get married, but sometimes - including in your case - it really is for the better.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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