sadsoul101

Eating dinner alone, yet another sad fact of life for me at this point in time.

The divorce process is new at this point, we haven't filed yet-but it's inevitable as my husband wants divorce. Short summary: Together 9 years, no abuse/addictions, no children. Problems related to ADHD, unemployment/underemployment, and his feelings that we are generally incompatible.

We still live together, so this makes it more difficult, b/c I still want to connect. He is pulling away. He wants me to move out(we own a condo). This is not financially possible for me right now. I am underemployed with little income.

I do not want to divorce and am having a really hard time accepting this. I am crying everyday and feeling lost and very sad. Without a doubt, most difficult period of my life.

Can anyone relate? How do you overcome the overwhelming feelings of sadness?

KNIFE IN THE HEART

It is a process. The steps of trauma (from my counsellor) are 1. Shock, 2. Denial 3. Anger 4. Depression 5. Frustration 6. Acceptance. You can go back and forth in the steps until you get to acceptance.

Sad, you can make a choice every moment about how you feel. Right now, decide to be happy. Put a smile on your face, even if it is fake at first, you will soon start smiling naturally. Don't play the victim. Do you want to move out or do you want him to move out? Talk to a lawyer and see what your rights are. Don't let the ex dictate the terms.

Try doing stuff that you enjoy. Walking, photography, going to library, etc., etc. Rediscover yourself. Allow yourself to see the fact that you are now free.

I know it is incredibly difficult. I have been going through this process for a year. But I promise you, it will get better! The most important thing is to make a choice about how you feel. Don't let the ex have control over your emotions.

h0pe

Yes, SadSoul, I can definitely relate. Me: married 16 years, no kids, both of us work at home, still living in the same house but otherwise we share nothing and in no way is this a "marriage".

I just go about my day and try to stay out of his way (he has a volatile temper and I never know what mood he is in on any day). A good day is one in which he doesnt yell or make some mean-spirited, controlling comment.

Altho *I* am the one diagnosed and treated for what *might* be bipolar, *HE* is the one out of control (but has to control me at all times) and agitated most of the time. I walk on eggshells.

I look forward to the day we can go our separate ways. There are worse things than living alone.