Well, Christmas day was a disappointment, why? because I was ill. For a few days prior to Christmas, I was feeling ill and losing my appetite. On Christmas morning, I could not even think of food, never mind look at it or cook it. My W therefore took over the duties. Not what I wanted but at the time, I couldn't care less.
My W arrived at 10am for the opening of the presents. She noticed I was not well and asked if I wanted her to cook, I had no choice. After a couple of hours of dry vomiting (remember, little food for two days), I retired to my bed for a couple of hours. I could not sleep though.
When I got up, dinner was nearly ready. I had a small sideplate of food, which I could barely get down, although I felt slightly better than I had in the morning.
This was not what I had wanted for Christmas day but I tried to make the most of it. We all sat and watched a movie in the afternoon after dinner. It was very relaxed. My W was very complimentary on the work I had done to the livingroom and I mean, very complimentary. In the past she would have found fault. I assured her, the effort was for the kids.
She did not leave straight after the movie, in fact, she asked me when I wanted her to leave. I told her to leave when she felt she had satisfied herself that Christmas day had been a success for the kids. She stayed another hour. She txt me later, saying that she had forgotten a small present for our S. It was sweets. I told her that there was ample to keep our S going and not to worry about it. She then txt, that she hoped we had enjoyed the day. I said that we had except me because I was ill.
There have been no txts today. As far as I am concerned, it is business as usual. This was a one off, there will be no more. If she thinks she can have her cake and eat it, she has another think coming.
ps I managed some soup and some fruit today. I feel better for it
It's been a few days since I posted. I am feeling better by the day but not quite there yet. My appetite is very slowly returning but I vomited again today, due to the coughing. However, my mood is lifting, so that is positive.
Christmas, overall was a bit of a disaster but I need to be thankful for what I got. I got to spend Christmas day with my three kids and what's not to like about that.
I have to be honest, my W being there has not helped me, in fact, it has set me back a little bit. My W is a beautiful woman, something I have always been aware of and to be honest, a little scared of as well. She turns heads and a part of me has probably always feared that a handsome younger man would come along and take her away. I think that outcome is highly likely now. I think she is focused on the fantasy side of life, rather than the reality, I can't win that one.
I try to remember the old adage, beauty is only skin deep. It helps.
I look forward to getting back to work and getting my life back in order.
Let her be the Dumb Ass, stand back and watch but you'll need time and if you want to pick up the pieces, your girl is right she doesn't deserve you...
Do not help her, I'm sure she'll come round eventully, stick to your guns.It's what I've done/ am doing.I'm going through a tough time too, girlfriend has gone ,2 months, 2 children with emotional problems, girlfriend seeing another guy and couldn't care less who she hurts...she has common points with your wife coming from a loveless childhood with a near absent father...that's why it's so natural to inflict the same on her man and kids who have done only their best to make her happy.This is obviously not enough for some people who need to be traeted like royalty and give nothing in return...if she returns she has a NEED to....
Do not help her, I'm sure she'll come round eventully, stick to your guns.It's what I've done/ am doing.I'm going through a tough time too, girlfriend has gone ,2 months, 2 children with emotional problems, girlfriend seeing another guy and couldn't care less who she hurts...she has common points with your wife coming from a loveless childhood with a near absent father...that's why it's so natural to inflict the same on her man and kids who have done only their best to make her happy.This is obviously not enough for some people who need to be traeted like royalty and give nothing in return...if she returns she has a NEED to....
Sorry for your pains, I know it's tough. I have three kids as you know - the way I look at it is this, I have lost a quarter of my family, my W has lost three quarters. Who's worse off? If I were to be brutally honest, the most important part of my family without doubt, are still here.
My W is a troubled woman and will probably need to hit rock bottom before she realises her mistakes. I won't be here when she does.
I haven't had a txt from my W for a few days, then I receive this one this morning
......................
How are you today?
I didn't know if I should have wished you a happy new year but I will. Happy new year.
I hope you can be happy, you deserve to be. I hope you are feeling better now. I think you are doing great and I am sorry for what I have put you through, not just two months ago but for the last 22 years.
Be happy
I txt her back wishing her a happy new year and said that I hope she finds the happiness she is looking for
...................
Is my W getting a conscience or is she just feeling sorry for herself?
Who knows what goes inside another person's head, but her text does contain an acknowledgement from her that she has not been as committed to you as you've been to her. You may want to consider replying back to her with something along the lines of:
"Change is often painful but necessary in order to grow. I have grown to realize that I deserve more in life and in love. I will no longer settle for less. I sincerely wish you peace and happiness on your new chapter in life."
As far as her being a beautiful woman is concerned, it can be both a blessing as well as a curse. Beautiful women attract many men, many just want to have sex with them and then dispose of them. These women know this fact very well and yearn to find a man who will love them for what's inside them more than what's on the outside. Your wife will soon find this out once she starts dating other men. There is more than a good chance that she will have her heart broken more than once. She'll find out how hard it is to find a man of quality and that the grass is often less greener on the other side.
I wonder if she's trying to justify her leaving by saying that you're better off without her? By taking blame for the past 22 years, can say she's not just leaving for her own happiness, but for your happiness too. If she convinces herself that you were unhappy with the marriage all along, then her leaving is a selfless act instead of a selfish one.
OutoftheBlue, I think you deserve a freaking medal. I am new to this. My wife and I are not seperated but she gave me all the usual c**p about loving me but not in love and yada yada. We still are together and I have gone 180 on day 3. I don't know what the future hold but this thread has been an inspiration. Hell if you can do it then maybe I can too! I love my wife like mad. I have changed and become a very kind, gentle, loving and considerate man that treats my wife like royalty. However the fog is in and that is that. Its such a pity that people fall like this and cause such devastation. Its such a pity that people can't accept and forgive and try but then life can be very cruel. I have grown into what my wife told me the other day is the most amazing man she has ever met. Its all bulls**t. She is gone and now I must just erase her from my heart. Not easy by any stretch but this thread, this blog and your journey is helping me believe I can maybe survive this, pick myself up and carry on and maybe even learn to smile again. I wish you the best and keep posting please, I support you all the way! Your kids are awesome and I think you are doing an amazing job! Hang in there Posted via Mobile Device
I said something close to what you were suggesting when I told her that I wished her a happy new year and said that I hope she finds the happiness she is looking for.
dymo -
It is a possibility. The strange thing is, she is praising me more than she ever did when we were together. She also said in a later txt, that she knows there will be someone out there for me, who will make me happy. I replied, that I have no doubt, that I will find someone. I'll probably never figure out what she is up to.
Pathfinder -
I'm glad this thread is helping you. It helps me as well. I realised very early on that my W meant what she was saying and that there was no point in trying to change her mind.
It took me a couple of weeks to get over the initial shock, which is to be expected. When you do the 180, you must do it for the right reasons. Accept their decision and move on. It's hard but you have no choice. There is only one person that you can change in these situations and that is yourself.
In my case, I had my three kids who needed stability. It was up to me to provide that and I have done the best that I can.
If you stick to the 180 and do what needs to be done, especially where kids are involved, then you will feel better about yourself. Your own self esteem will get a boost. Mine has. I am in control of my destiny, not my W.
I am now in a situation were I feel my kids are comfortable enough with the situation, that I am now taking a back seat when it comes to their Mum. I only monitor my S, to make sure he is ok. The last time I mentioned my W to my D (18), she said that she didn't want to talk about her mum as she had lost feelings for her. Previously, I would have txt W to get it sorted but my D's are making their own decisions now and I shouldn't interfere.
Well Outoftheblue, you are going to get there one day, that much I am sure of. Your story is very sad and unfortunately too common but at least the good news is that you have a great relationship with your kids, you are surviving and have grown as a person and you have a truckload of people on TAM that share your pain, support you and even take courage from you. Keep it real. Now I am gonna go back to my thread and vent some more
Outoftheblue ....Been reading your thread and I have a feeling your wife was having a relationship with someone else (maybe EA or PA) ...who knows! But Mother of 3 won't just walk away like that, unless she has someone on the side. I may be wrong, but just sayin'.
Either way, I command you for being strong, and for listening to all the advice people are giving here. They really do care and as with others, I will be praying for you and your family.
Here's a good quote:
"Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit." ~ Napoleon Hill
Outoftheblue ....Been reading your thread and I have a feeling your wife was having a relationship with someone else (maybe EA or PA) ...who knows! But Mother of 3 won't just walk away like that, unless she has someone on the side. I may be wrong, but just sayin'.
Tap1214, that is something I have considered and it may be true but I will never know for sure. I am learning to live with the idea that she has either recently been involved with another man in an EA or PA or that she is planning to do so very soon.
To be honest, I am getting to the point were I don't really care. I have decided that my W has gone and there is nothing I can do about it. Do I really want a future with a woman who has treated me and her kids so poorly. The answer to that, is moving very close to the no camp.
Yes, we all want to save our marriages but there is a limit and I am reaching it. I am now back at work after the festive holidays and I am focusing on getting back to where I was - me and the kids. My W's parents have played a huge part in my W's behaviour. I am damned if my W is going to have the same influence on my kids. Thankfully, my D's seem to have a very good grasp of what is going on. They are more aware of my W's past behaviour than I thought.
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Re: My Wife is separating from me - Loooong Post 
