Why Not Be Happy?

Nice post!

OutOfTheBlue

Well, the day of reckoning has arrived. My W came to the house today to speak to my D's. She had something to tell them. They interrupted her and said, "don't tell us but you have another man"

She said yes and guess what? No, don't bother, you already know what I am going to say. Yep, it is the guy who the rumour was about. She tried to say that she only got together with him after we separated. My daughters gave her both barrels - called her a liar, told her to get out of the house. She eventually left.

My daughters are livid, not just because their mum has been having an affair but because she is lying. They hate her. I can't disagree.

When I came in from work, my youngest D came down to see me and she told me straight away. I am proud of her for doing this and really pleased that she felt she could. I am furious though, that my W once again, left my D's to tell me something like this. Luckily, my D's know that I am ok with the situation.

I was also left with the pleasure of telling my S. I didn't want to but I was left with no choice. I couldn't have him finding out from someone else or bumping in to "other man". I couldn't rely on W dealing with this in a mature manner.

A bit upset tonight as you can imagine. I will go now but don't worry, I will be ok. My D, who is out tonight has already txt me, telling me she loves me but more importantly, she txt her wee brother asking him if he's ok. I love her to bits for that. Welling up here, better go.

canguy66

I'm glad they blaster her, and it warmed my heart that your D texted your son to see if he was ok. Proof they know the difference - means you did a great job teaching them values along the way.

CSeryllum

I'm glad to hear that you are handling it well, and that you have wonderful children who support you. Good for you <3

I often wonder...when my divorce is final...how soon after will she fly out to visit the "man she's just friends with online"...I've already found that she was browsing for deals on plane tickets to visit him....but said "nothing more than that has happened or will, it was just a thought"......but I know that if nothing went down...it will, soon as she can do it "guilt free" and i'll also have to hear the "It just sort of happened" story

OutOfTheBlue

When my S told me that, I had to leave the room, as I filled up.

If I can take a positive from this mess, it's that I realise how much I love my kids and they love me.

OutOfTheBlue

It's amazing, the lengths they will go to (cheaters) to relieve the guilt. In most cases, they will make the situation much worse in their pursuit of trying to prove the opposite of what we know to be the truth.

OutOfTheBlue

I stood and looked at my S sleeping tonight and it brought me to my knees. I feel his pain ten fold. How could anyone inflict so much pain is beyond me. What kind of creatures exist amongst us, creatures, that would bring so much pain.

dymo

Have you any plans to file for divorce?

OutOfTheBlue

Yes, I will be divorcing her on the grounds of adultery. I am also going to file for full custody of my S. I want her out of my life.

Why Not Be Happy?

Hang in there and continue to be strong!

OutOfTheBlue

I will do my best - Thanks.

It hasn't been a great day as you can imagine but it has been far from a disaster.

Trying to get myself together again. One thing I know for sure, W is the past, she will play no part in my future. What I am struggling with, is the guy she has picked is a womaniser and not very handsome either. My daughter described him as a creep. What does that say about me?

OutOfTheBlue

Bad day today. I am going through a spell of self pity. I did not deserve to be treated this way. I will allow myself this self pity for a week as the tears help the healing process. I will not allow it to take over me though. In a few weeks, I will be back to where I was.

We often forgive people who don't deserve it, simply because we don't want to lose them.

Let them go. We deserve better.

OutOfTheBlue

Quick update.

The self pity has gone - unfortunately replaced by anger but I feel that beginning to subside. Trying really hard to get rid of the images of her being with another man.

Got an appointment with a divorce lawyer. W has agreed to my terms. Hopefully get papers served in the next month.

I could not be with a woman at this point and the thought of sex disgusts me but I suppose that's natural and will fade in time. I see it as a lustful, dirty act but that's just because my W has acted in a dirty manner. I want to go out and get another woman to punish my W but I won't, it would be unfair on the woman, on my kids and also me, as it's not what I truly want.

I just want to get back to where I was, in control of my life.

I have encouraged my S to go out with his mum, as hard as it was to assure him everything was ok and I wanted him to see mum. They go out tomorrow. D's are a different kettle of fish, they have disowned their mum and there's no signs of change.

dymo

How's it going?
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OutOfTheBlue

Sorry I've been absent for a while. After going through a few difficult months where everything seemed to conspire against me, I feel I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

When you suffer pain and you are subjected to more pain before you have had time to recover, you become even more susceptible. Suddenly things that you would normally take in your stride become big issues, issues that drive you further down, making you even more susceptible. It's a vicious circle.

The latest issue was a letter from my wife's solicitor wanting aŁ10k as a settlement. I couldn't believe it, the woman who had left me for another man, tore her family apart, now wanted to inflict further pain. I was furious. Her daughters were furious. How could she do this?

I threatened, that I would do everything in my power to keep her son away from her and I meant it. I did a little research on Scottish law, regarding separations and divorce and what I could do to keep her son away from her.

After a week of this, I slowly realised that she could have taken me for a lot more but more importantly, I realised, that I was contemplating, using my son to get back at her. That shocked me. How could I use my son to get back at my wife. That would be so damaging to him. Fortunately, I came to my senses. I realised that the most important thing to me was my son's welfare. I backtracked and accepted her demands and agreed a favourable custody arrangement, which meant that I was the primary parent but she could have almost unrestricted access to my son.

After doing this, I feel so much better. I feel as though I have let the anger go. I feel that I have drawn a line in the sand. The anger was holding me back. It is now time to move on with my life.