My W send my son a txt yesterday asking "How are you getting on with me not being there?" Now what sort of a question is that to ask a 12 year old? How can he answer that? What does she want the answer to be? Stupid woman.
After nearly six months, she asks this.
It amazes me how often this comes up here and the betrayed spouse (son) lies and says something like "We're doing fine".
His answer should be " How the hell do you think we're doing"?
Its really simple, honesty is the best policy.
Or if its true ..............".Hey we couldn't be better, gotta run."
OOB is an authentic man. He respects his children and they in turn honor him.
His wife does not have an authentic bone in her body. Like all people who lack authenticity, she must resort to cheap shots and underhanded actions to validate herself now that she no longer has a husband and family to authenticate and validate her existence.
It is horribly tragic. She is not redeemable. Forgive me for waxing religious, but the only one who can pull her back from the abyss is the Man Himself. But she has to let go of the bottle and the barstool and reach out her hand. Will she? Posted via Mobile Device
OOB is an authentic man. He respects his children and they in turn honor him.
His wife does not have an authentic bone in her body. Like all people who lack authenticity, she must resort to cheap shots and underhanded actions to validate herself now that she no longer has a husband and family to authenticate and validate her existence.
It is horribly tragic. She is not redeemable. Forgive me for waxing religious, but the only one who can pull her back from the abyss is the Man Himself. But she has to let go of the bottle and the barstool and reach out her hand. Will she? Posted via Mobile Device
It amazes me how often this comes up here and the betrayed spouse (son) lies and says something like "We're doing fine".
His answer should be " How the hell do you think we're doing"?
Its really simple, honesty is the best policy.
Or if its true ..............".Hey we couldn't be better, gotta run."
Don't take it easy on her, no one wins.
All I can say on this subject, is that my kids have transformed before my eyes, especially my son. He has gone from being a spoilt, lazy boy, to a responsible, soon to be teenager. He keeps his room tidy, brings his laundry down for washing, does his homework days ahead of time and generally tries to do his best. Tonight, he prepared his own packed lunch for a day out with school tomorrow. I did not ask him to do this.
After the initial turmoil, I set some ground rules, which weren't drastic but were not what he was used to and he didn't like it. I therefore took the approach of praising the positive things he did but not scold him for the negatives. I gave him responsibility and left it to him to decide how he would deal with this. He has responded magnificently. he is not the lad he was six months ago.
He could quite easily say to his mum, I am doing much better now than I was when you were here but I don't want him to do that. Since he is unaware of the real background of his mum's behaviour, I need to treat him as though nothing but a separation has taken place. I have asked him to respect his mum when she txt's by replying to her. I suggested to him that he replied to the last txt by just saying "Hi mum, I'm fine", which he did.
As far as I'm concerned, my S does not need to be involved in the re-education of my W. My D's are well capable of putting her in her place
OOB is an authentic man. He respects his children and they in turn honor him.
His wife does not have an authentic bone in her body. Like all people who lack authenticity, she must resort to cheap shots and underhanded actions to validate herself now that she no longer has a husband and family to authenticate and validate her existence.
It is horribly tragic. She is not redeemable. Forgive me for waxing religious, but the only one who can pull her back from the abyss is the Man Himself. But she has to let go of the bottle and the barstool and reach out her hand. Will she? Posted via Mobile Device
Unfortunately, I am not a religious man but fortunately, I admire those who are. However, I do know right from wrong and I am a man with very strong beliefs on morality. I may not answer to God but I have to answer to myself. In many respects, that is harder, as I do not forgive myself easily.
I think my W has a way to go on her journey before the light finally shines through. I hope that day will come, not for me but for her and more importantly, for her kids.
Unfortunately, I am not a religious man but fortunately, I admire those who are. However, I do know right from wrong and I am a man with very strong beliefs on morality. I may not answer to God but I have to answer to myself. In many respects, that is harder, as I do not forgive myself easily.
I think my W has a way to go on her journey before the light finally shines through. I hope that day will come, not for me but for her and more importantly, for her kids.
Thanks for your support Bandit.
I'm not that religious either, although I do believe in a higher power.
I do however believe in grace, wherever it may come from, and I hope one day your wife settles down enough to find it, somewhere, and gain some peace with herself. She is useless as a mother and as a person until then.
Romance is not going to drop on your lap like in the movies. If you truly want it, you are going to have to go find it. Granted that right now you are recovering from the end of your marriage and are in no shape to jump into another committed relationship (rebound) but eventually you will have to go out and meet women. When you do, keep in mind the following.
Quote:
“How to Judge a Person’s Character” by Marius Panzarella.
The biggest mistake a person can make is to get into a relationship (be it business, personal, or romantic) with the wrong person. You can literally ruin your own life.
So how can you tell if a person is trouble or not? Here are some tips on how to judge a person’s character before getting involved with them.
1) Look at who their friends are
The first thing you should do is to look at who their friends are. As I have mentioned in the past, you can judge a person’s character by looking at their choice of friends.
Don’t believe me? Do the “Rule of 5”* test and you’ll see how true this is!
*You can judge a person’s character 99% of the time by looking at the five closest people they associate themselves
with.
2) Look at their past actions
Call me cynical, but I find that 90% of the time, you can judge a person by looking at their past history. As I always say, “once a liar, always a liar.” A person who has gone through 17 ex-girlfriends or boyfriends is NOT going to think that YOU are “the one” for long.
3) Look at their actions, not their words
While you are judging their actions, make sure you don’t fall prey to the victim stories that people with character problems always invent for themselves. Guys, don’t just believe ALL three of her ex-husband were abusive jerks. Ladies, don’t believe he’s “trying” to stop his bad habits.
As I always say, actions don’t lie, words do!
4) Look at how they treat other people
People with bad character tend to be self-centered. They may put you at first (more like pretend to put you at first) when they see a benefit, but as soon as they benefit is gone, they will start treating you like dirt. So rather than judging a person based on how they treat you while they still have something they want from you, judge them based on how they treat people that are not so useful to them.
5) Look for lies or exaggerations
Look for lies or exaggerations. See if their stories match up. Use your head and turn that B.S. detector on!
6) Look for addictions
Look for addictions to alcohol, drugs, gambling, and prostitution. Many people with character problems have one kind of dependency or another.
7) Look at their attitude towards life
Look at how the person looks at the world. See if they like blaming the world instead of taking responsibility for their own actions. See if they are so negative that they resent everything and everyone around them. (Stay AWAY if that’s the case!)
8) Look at their beliefs and whether their actions are congruent with their beliefs.
Finally, look at a person’s beliefs and see if they belong to a train wreck. But don’t just look at their beliefs. Follow the “actions, not words” rule and see if their actions are CONGRUENT with their beliefs. That’s where a lot of people fail!
Romance is not going to drop on your lap like in the movies. If you truly want it, you are going to have to go find it. Granted that right now you are recovering from the end of your marriage and are in no shape to jump into another committed relationship (rebound) but eventually you will have to go out and meet women. When you do, keep in mind the following.
How I am going to approach this is to mix with lots of women. Although, I am only interested in socialising at this point, I am discretely making sure that people at work know I am single. There are about 200 women at my work.
I'm going out with three women from work tomorrow night. They decided to join me on a night out as they know I have had a number of great nights out lately and they are wondering why. All of these women are spoken for but it will still be good for me to sharpen my socialising skills.
Of course it goes without saying, that these women are completely out of bounds as far as I am concerned. I would not entertain anything other than harmless fun.
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Re: My Wife is separating from me - Loooong Post 
