bandit.45

It's like the Dating Game for BSs.
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OutOfTheBlue

Ok, my decision was to give it a miss. Why? I'm not 100% certain. The plain truth is that I am happy being on my own. I am currently making life changing decisions that I'm scared I wouldn't make if I were in a relationship.

That may sound pathetic but that's where I am

bandit.45

It's not pathetic....it's smart.

canguy66

Good for you. If you're happy being single, there is nothing wrong with that at all. Best wishes with your decisions.

__________________
“The sun always rises, and you never know what the tide will bring in.” - from Cast Away

ScottH454

Thanks for this post an keeping it updated. My wife just left yesterday an I was looking for how long it takes to move on an read this thread first. While five months seems like a really long time you sound better towards the end. I know my separation is for the better an could see it coming so I hope to move on sooner.

OutOfTheBlue

I'm glad you find the thread helpful. That is part of the reason I pop back and update it.

I think our recovery depends on a number of factors. The reason the relationship ended, the length of the relationship, the perceived strength of the relationship, the mental strength of the individuals concerned, ..... ad infinitum. No two separations will ever be the same.

OOB has just passed day twelve without cigarettes. This weekend was a challenge as I went to a rally with my son and encountered lot's of situations where cigarettes would normally play a part - eg you reach your destination, get out of the car and go to light up a cigarette. Although I was never even slightly tempted to seek a cigarette, I was surprised.

I managed to get out with my camera though, which was good, as I had been promising myself I would. Trying to remember how to take pics of fast moving cars was a welcome challenge.

Although this is an old Ford (Escort), it has a Cosworth engine and was the only car that managed all four wheels off the ground at this bridge.

Dollystanford

congrats! It's been exactly three months since he walked out and I can't even think about giving up smoking yet - have you just gone cold turkey?

loving the car btw

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Learn how to talk proper, know what I mean?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dollystanford I don't sweat....I glisten

OutOfTheBlue

Almost cold turkey. I use those little inhalator (sp) things - no patches. You are allowed up to twelve capsules a day - I use one. I aim to get rid of that too but don't want to be too bravado. I've done good work up to now but don't want to get too carried away with myself

To stop smoking, you must get your head straight. When you want to and I mean, really want to, you will do it.

ps, I think car is cool too. It's scary to be be in full manual on your camera (which you need to be) and be surrounded by pro's. They were also given the best positions

Why Not Be Happy?

Awesome photo! Good job quitting smoking...

OutOfTheBlue

Thanks buddy. Two weeks today and going well. Work colleagues have been warned that I'm just a little bit less tolerant than they have grown to expect - My advice, support me in this or pay the price. They don't want to see OOB angry

OutOfTheBlue

Had a difficult day today. Heart wrenching for me. Will explain later. Still no cigarettes.

Mama - how are you sweetheart?

bandit.45

I haven't heard from Mama in two weeks. She PMed me a couple weeks ago and she seemed...I dunno....off. Talking some strange stuff. I'm really worried about her. She talked like she was in a really bad place, and since then she has not responded to my PMs.

PM her OOB and see if you can get through to her. She digs you.

cantmove

I'm sorry for whatever you are going through. Please let us know what is going on, maybe we can help.Thinking about you.

STARTINGOVER@40

Hope you are ok OOB x (((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

OutOfTheBlue

Sorry, I may have accidentally given the wrong impression, nothing has happened to me, just someone I know.

I had a gentle reminder yesterday, that we are not alone with our suffering. Every day, I have lunch with two lovely ladies. This has been the case for many months. In fact, this started about seven months ago, when I went through my separation.

Both of these ladies have helped me in their own way, whether it be humour or the occasional reality check.

Yesterday, was a day for a reality check. Both of these ladies have one thing in common, their mother's are receiving treatment for breast cancer. One of these ladies is also going through a difficult time with her husband, who is, at this time, going through a difficult time himself. From what has been said, it sounds like he has suffered some form of nervous breakdown.

Yesterday, this lady came to my office. She started to tell me about her mother. Her Mother was in worse shape than she thought. What didn't help though, was that her husband couldn't support her. When they got home after visiting her mother, she asked him for a cuddle and he point blank refused. She asked why, he said, he just didn't want to. This absolutely stunned her. At a time when she most needed support from her husband, he wasn't there for her. She was furious with him.

Although she had promised herself that when she spoke about it she wouldn't break down, she did. It was horrible to see, I could have cried for her. I went to her and I gave her a very long cuddle. We sat for half an hour, chatting about her situation.

Two things became clear. Her parents had not kept her fully up to date with her mother's situation and her husband couldn't help because he wasn't strong enough to deal with the situation.

I was conscious that I had given her, what her husband couldn't - a cuddle. I wasn't wrong in doing that and I'm sure she would know that. I explained to her that I thought her husband was in a bad place just now and was struggling to help himself, never-mind anyone else. I said, it's not that he doesn't want to help you, it's that he just can't.

I gave her my mobile and email and told her to feel free to offload on me any time things got on top of her. She text last night saying that her husband was able to talk about it and admitted that he was just struggling with the whole situation.

Hopefully they can work on things together and that he will get himself into a position where he will be able to support her. They both have some very difficult days ahead.

For those who have followed my thread, I don't need to say this but for those who haven't, I have very strong beliefs regarding marriage. Although this lady is an attractive woman, she is no more than a friend to me who can lean on me when needed. I assure you, it will remain that way.

ps, I played golf with some work colleagues today. The first time I have played in fifteen years. I gave up, all those years ago, due to frustration. I hadn't swung a club since then. You know what? I actually played better today, than I did way back then and I thoroughly enjoyed the day. I think I will be taking up golf again. My social life is getting so busy