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Aren't there any success stories

5K views 76 replies 32 participants last post by  jld 
#1 ·
Makeup success stories

I'm tired of reading all the negative posts about separation and divorce. Does anyone have a success story of how they got back together and saved the marriage.
 
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#4 ·
I've never had a failure. Was with a woman from age 25 to 34 and then split. I learned a lot about getting along with others. Her incapability to deal with the world in any fashion other than anger required me to develop the patience of Job, which benefits me to this very day. Her bizarre behavior with money - talk a good line about investments, but keep choosing weird schemes run by companies that then go out of business, taught me some techniques that helped me handle money right. Learning from her some things I liked in a woman and somethings I didn't helped me, 5 years later, select a wife who was a better match.

And even as I think the marriage I"m in now will end, it was better than those nine years and I would, given a chance, do all of it all over again.
 
#2 ·
Separation and divorce were great!!!! Did NOT get back together, which was a real win for me. The marriage was not worth saving, which is why I left. (She was happier eventually, too - so win/win.) Look on the bright side - just look at it as a positive, and make it turn out that way. I'm sorry if it is difficult now - disaster and misery usually do lead to positive change, though.
 
#3 ·
Depends on what you consider success. Depends on what happened in the marriage. There's some R stories on here.

I do agree that many people jump straight to D here, and I find it regrettable. There's a common theme here and in society that if you're not happy you should forget your vows and find someone else. Sadly, that entire thought process is a fool's errand, for it relegates happiness to something someone else gives you, rather than something you find in yourself. In time, if those people don't find a way to be happy with themselves they'll end up right where they left their last marriage.

But of course sometimes a broke thing can't be fixed.
 
#32 · (Edited)
I'm in the decades category.

Reliable statistics on how many marriages survive infidelity are hard to come by. I think it's probably about 30-40% but I can't prove that.

If I had followed the prevailing philosophy at TAM I don't think my marriage would have survived. I think that is why there are so few success stories at TAM....because the people who are going to make it often don't stay around here.

The tone of the discussion is definitely different from when I signed up four years ago. There were more "making it" couples then.
 
#8 ·
Re: Makeup success stories

My wife and I had a work related separation that was suppose to be for 6 months...MAX. Huge money, with which we could live comfortably while we both attended college. Very High Risk -Short Duration...Long Money. it took almost 2 years for me to get back into the US. During that time, communication was difficult...she spent much of that time not sure if I was alive, dead, imprisoned or just not coming back. She and her family kept at it...dealing with different embassies, many different authorities, and almost international indictment for war crimes, crimes against humanity and the worst...crimes against peace.

She didn't give up on us. SHe had faith and she had enough love to fight. I, in no way am now nor will I ever be deserving of the love she has for me. I will forever be both in awe of and striving to be worthy of her. Its been 27 years since the day we met far far from home in Seoul....I believe we are a success...against so many odds...started too young...survived too much adversity...but yet...here we are.

Nothing is impossible. Especially in terms of love....it is by far, the most powerful thing in the world
 
#12 ·
Re: Makeup success stories

My wife and I had a work related separation that was suppose to be for 6 months...MAX. Huge money, with which we could live comfortably while we both attended college. Very High Risk -Short Duration...Long Money. it took almost 2 years for me to get back into the US. During that time, communication was difficult...she spent much of that time not sure if I was alive, dead, imprisoned or just not coming back. She and her family kept at it...dealing with different embassies, many different authorities, and almost international indictment for war crimes, crimes against humanity and the worst...crimes against peace.

She didn't give up on us. SHe had faith and she had enough love to fight. I, in no way am now nor will I ever be deserving of the love she has for me. I will forever be both in awe of and striving to be worthy of her. Its been 27 years since the day we met far far from home in Seoul....I believe we are a success...against so many odds...started too young...survived too much adversity...but yet...here we are.

Nothing is impossible. Especially in terms of love....it is by far, the most powerful thing in the world
This sounds very interesting. Had you thought about writing about it? If you can't, you could have a pen name and write it as a fictional account.
 
#9 ·
Re: Makeup success stories

First came here on the verge of thinking that divorce was where I was going to end up.

We've weathered some pretty major issues:

1) Constant disagreements about sex - me LD, him HD
2) Not spending time together - him addicted to gaming. I think it was him trying to escape the stress he was under, but it just created more stress
3) Family - his mother dumping all her nasty issues on me every time we saw her (when I was already dealing with depression) then being nasty about me behind my back. DH wanting me to treat her like I did my own family, which I tried, but nothing I did was ever good enough
4) Depression - me, pretty bad after 2nd child born
5) Owning and working in a business together - broke, bad decisions made, me closing it down despite his protests and him being extremely resentful over it.
6) No chance of getting marriage counselling - DH absolutely wouldn't agree to it

What saved us? Education and communication, and a healthy dose of what DH describes as stubbornness and I describe as determination, depending on who we're talking about, and which we both have in abundance.
 
#15 ·
Re: Makeup success stories

I'm tired of reading all the negative posts about separation and divorce. Does anyone have a success story of how they got back together and saved the marriage.
It takes two to tango. I originally thiught that the separation would do us good and help us get back together. Since she refused to meet and communicate during separation, the marriage failed. In order for a marriage to be resurrected, BOTH must be actively involved. Then again, if noth were a tively involved, there wouldn't be a separation or divorce. People sometimes lose their way in life. You can try to work with them, but if they refuse to work and commuicate on ans in the marriage, it will fail. The key word today, commuication from both.
 
#20 ·
Re: Makeup success stories

I am in a great marriage. We've been married for 20 years, together for 22 years. No cheating, no separation, nothing negative except for her being LD. But, she has always been that way.

There are others on this board who are similar. I consider TAM to generally be pro marriage. The CWI section seems somewhat quick to jump on the D train, but infidelity is tough to overcome. We do have a long term marriage forum, but it's pretty slow.
 
#21 ·
I never separated from my wife after an episode of infidelity. We've managed to keep our marriage together and improve on it. Now that the kids are grown and out of the house, life is pretty good.
 
#22 ·
Did you tell her about it right away? How did she react when you confessed?
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#28 ·
He had an EA last Christmas, right? How did you two resolve that?
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#33 ·
It's not like there should be a 50/50 split here. Of course most of these end up in divorce. It's like, "I am sick of seeing all the stories about getting shot in the head and then dying. Doesn't anyone have a success story?". Yeah, but most people either die, or are pretty ****ed up after getting shot in the head. Even in Regarding Henry, I think he got shot in the shoulder or something.
 
#34 ·
There are a lot of people on TAM that suggest divorce pretty quickly. I noticed that right away when I joined. You can figure out which ones are bitter pretty easily, so it's hard to take those people seriously.

However, I think there are quite a lot of people on here that are TRYING to make it work. So while maybe you can't quite call it a success story yet, they are actively working to save their marriage.
 
#39 ·
Going back and reading your other posts . . . . .
Are you sure . . . . .
I'm not really sure success stories are what you need.
Proverbs 26:11

Many people would consider my marriage to be a success we have been together 29 years with no separation.
There was a wandering heart (one way emotional affair)
There was cold feet. I almost backed out of the engagement.
There has been near sexlessness (technically more than 12 times a year)
But we came back each time. Or at least we headed back in the right direction.
We have never faced what you are facing.
Could we survive financial and sexual infidelity? I believe that it would be a serious challenge for an established long term relationship. I think it would break us for good. Some things just don't fade away.
 
#42 ·
Re: Makeup success stories

I'm tired of reading all the negative posts about separation and divorce. Does anyone have a success story of how they got back together and saved the marriage.
Success only happens when you set out to succeed.

If you apply for a job because you need the money, you're not building a career. If you get married because you like the other person, you're not building a family. That's why most marriages end because of financial issues.

You want french fries and burger comes with french fries. You order the burger. You get your order and you realize you're a vegetarian. How do you save this lunch? You eat the burger and convince yourself that you like it. That was 22 years ago. Happily married with 3 kids. The fries were tasty.:smile2:
 
#73 ·
Why would people come here and talk about how awesome their marriage is? Sites like TAM select for those experiencing problems. People generally don't complain when things are going great.

I think there are some people here who successfully repaired their marriage issues, however. Hopefully they will post, as I'd also enjoy reading about those success stories.
 
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