I really hate saying this, but last night was one of the first times in the process where I've felt like a loser.
I've heard other people talk about feeling this way. And I know I wasn't the perfect husband. But I still look at the person my wife has become over the last two years - and can't imagine NOT divorcing her. Bike rallys, tattoos, iPhone/Facebook/flirting addictions, sleeping all day when she could be spending time with the kids - etc., etc.
I've also tried to be positive and look at the overall marriage as a mostly successful experience. Will be 17 years in December - divorce will hopefully be DONE in January. And the first 15 years were good. I'm proud of that. These last two have been so incredibly lousy - but they don't wipe out all of the good things that have happened.
Just didn't look like a realy happy or lively bunch there last night. And maybe it got me to thinking about things I haven't focused on yet.
For example - I really don't have much in terms of family - or friends. I'm kind of expecting this year that I will be included in my wife's family's holidays just like every other year. But after that...I have no clue where I might spend Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.
So - I think I'm throwing myself a pity party today. And the great news is that you're all invited.
“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity!" - Carlin