Well I haven't posted here in quite a while because I made tremendous steps forward, now alas a problem.
My stbxh may want to work things out. Not sure if this is his angle yet but got a message yesterday which said I love you. Three missed calls. He has been calling my phone asking to talk to me, I always make up excuses through text and never answer his calls.
He has blubbered through text how he is never going to be able to find someone as beautiful, smart, cool, and awesome as I am. He said he had the real caughtdreaming, in the future has to go try to find caughtdreaming#2 which he will never be able to do because I am the only me.
I just spent 5 months trying to get over his idiocy and selfishness.
When we first split up I basically begged him to go to marriage counseling. I asked for some time apart, he only said there was nothing to fix and just wanted a divorce. So, we were getting a divorce. EVERYONE was notified. It was humiliating and I still have a hard time going out to places. Anyways I moved home cried myself to sleep for three months and have spent the last two in school and improving my life. I love myself now. For the first time in a long time I am happy with myself. When I was with my husband I was insecure, petty, probably immature as well, and I never want to go back to the person I was before.
I don't know if I would ever be able to forget and forgive him for the pain he has caused me. I know everything can be worked out with time but I just don't know. His life has basically been torn to shatters since I left. He became an alcoholic, had to beg for his job back now a demoted position, been arrested....the list goes on and on... all of this he has kept me updated on via text messages and never stopped talking to me.
I am just so conflicted right now and I really needed to write this all down. I cant believe anything this guy says. 5 months of separation, and suddenly this now.... I dont know what to believe. Honestly I don't even want to talk to him. I want to finish school and finish growing into the person I want to be..I have the best grades in my class, a 97% average. I am proud of myself for going from wanting to kill myself to getting my life back together and being successful. I am so scared he is going to drag me down to where I was before.
I feel bad his life is so screwed up and mine is going good.
I would never acknowledge it in public but everyone knows I am way to good for this man.
The problem is, I still have feelings for him. I don't know what to say to him.
He hit rock bottom and is now seeing that he had everything he went out looking for right in front of him.
Sounds like you have come a long way in a short period of time. You have not yet finished your self improvement and it is not consolidated enough to withstand getting back into dagerous territory. Your husband is looking for someone to lean on now.
It is tempting to take him back but I think you will regret that decision were you to do it now. He has not yet resolved to solve his problems on his own as you have. You can't carry him, he must carry himself. He is a mess and wants to lean on you.
You are still second best to him, you will know when he really considers you a top priority when he presents himself as a strong man to you and not a holy mess. You feel the pull to him because he was like a drug in good times and you are going backing looking for a hit. You need to break the ties with him now, go dark so you are not pulled into his mess. He has been using you for support for 5 months keeping you in his back pocket in case he needed someplace to go.
You don't sound like 2nd best so stop letting this 2nd rate man have you on standby. He made his choices now he will have to fix them without your support then he will really know what he gave up. Too bad for him. Try and move on be one the person you are on your way to being. Don't look back, remember the pain he cause and turn away and keep walking. Get a totally new life friends and interest and have fun. Let him learn the value of a good woman by your absence. Posted via Mobile Device
You already stated what you want. And you are right to want it. You want to keep strengthening yourself and becoming the person you want to be. You don't want to be the needy person you were with him. Listen to that voice. It's telling you good advice.
His alcoholism and the choices he has made are not your fault, so don't feel bad if you're on top and he has sunk. You can't save him. Only he can do that. Save yourself.
Be really glad you don't have kids together. That would be much more tragic.
Stay the course. If he cleans up, and becomes the kind of man you DO deserve, you can always change your mind later, if he continues to want that as well. If he doesn't , then you know you made the right choice anyway.
Im at work so don't have time to reply to all your posts properly but frig he just pulled another head trip on me.
I had 6 missed calls from him last night. He was annoyed I didnt answer and texted that I must have caller ID or asked if I wasn't getting his messages.
I missed the calls on purpose obviously. I texted back 8 hours later and made up some excuse about my phone being left in the truck and asked him what he wanted (I made up the excuse because I am really tired of this stuff) This time he responds with "nothing nevermind, Im so f***ed up right now I want to talk to you but cant until I make sure I'm not f***ed up"
What the heck.
He JUST texted me a day earlier and said he loved me. This means he is obviously in his words, F***ed up.
How could he think that I would be willing to just wait around for him? Is that the normal thing to do in this situation? He has never even mentioned getting back together before this, didnt even mention it by the way, just said he loved me and guessing through translation of proper english wants to wait and see if he really does or not.
Does this sound ridiculous to anyone else? You know, 2 months ago I would have texted back and demanded to know what he was talking about and blubbered away about how much I still loved him and blah blah. No, I just texted "okay" because honestly I cant be bothered to wonder what he is going on about. Im tired of this stuff.
He is seriously mistaken if he thinks Im sitting around waiting on him to make up his mind. I'm not dating or anything and wouldnt be ready to do so for quite awhile but I am just focused on myself. I can't believe I actually got to the point where I could say this but I guess I did and I'm glad.
I still do have feelings for him but I figure I am entitled to a little self respect and if anyone is going to be texting me it better be through proper english so I can understand just what exactly they are talking about. I mean, good grief.
Stop and ask yourself: If you met him for the first time today, knowing what you know about him now, and perhaps more importantly, knowing what you know about YOU now, would you even give him a chance?