cherrymamajb87

So I have decided 180 is my only option. Even if no reconciliation comes, at least I will have the tools and began to learn to be a stronger healthier person. However, one of the 180 rules is no frequent texts/calls. My question is, if he calls or text should I answer most of the time or only when things are relevant? Any advice on this would be appreciated.

Freak On a Leash

IMO, you keep it short, polite and business like. No emotional crap or when he's baiting you for a response. No game playing. Just ignore those.

The 180 is a good tool for yourself and helps you move on. The hardest part is sticking to it. Good luck.

__________________
D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013
And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now

cherrymamajb87

Thanks for the advice freak, i have read that sticking to it is the hardest part. However the weirdest thing happened, I read the rules, wrote them down, and started reading them and thinking about each one, and I felt better. I haven't felt "better" in a long time, so i can only assume that is a good sign.

morituri

The 180 is NOT a manipulation tool to make your spouse end his/her affair and commit to do the work of marital recovery, IT IS an emotional empowerment tool to help you become emotionally strong so that you can move on with your life - with or without your spouse. No one wants to be perceived as pathetic. 180 makes you look strong. Strong is attractive.

__________________
"Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal." Robert A. Heinlein

Links

that_girl

Keep it business-like and wait an hour or so to respond.

__________________

cherrymamajb87

Mori- I am using it as a tool to move on. I want to reconcile my marriage but more than that I want to feel good about myself. I have to be happy with me before I can ever be happy with him or anyone else in the event of no reconcile. But I would still like to believe that I can reconcile as well.

Skyye

I have googled, 180, 180 nmmng, 180 rules etc...and none are bringing me to the actual rules, can anyone give the best way to google it?

Thank you,

Skye

SCsweety81

The point of the 180 is to completely change your behavior, 180 degrees. You start doing the exact opposite of what you were doing.

I used to text or call STBXH, daily, with stupid questions, pleading, crying, begging, etc. Now, I rarely initiate a conversation (except for this morning, because I had to brag about beating him in Fantasy Football ), and if he sends me a text, I may or may not answer it. I usually answer his calls, but I make it a point to stay short and sweet.

The biggest thing that has helped me is the avoidance of discussing our marriage and the OW. When STBXH and I talk, she doesn't exist and our separation isn't bad for me. As a result, no arguments can ensue, and I feel like I'm in power EVERY SINGLE TIME.

As another poster said, following through is the hardest part. There are so many times I want to profess my undying love for the turd, but I know how many steps back that would push me.