Pushed until I told him to leave...and then he RAN FAST! - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

User Tag List

 93Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #46 of 123 (permalink) Old 09-20-2016, 09:30 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 2,401
Re: Pushed until I told him to leave...and then he RAN FAST!

I don't think there is a clear dividing line between personality disorder and mental illness. I think mental illness is generally considered more severe, more disabling.

It is sadly easy to fall in love with what you think someone is, rather than what they really are.




Quote:
Originally Posted by howdouknow View Post
I will not take him back. I love him. Or I loved who I thought he was. But there is no way I can live the way it was in the end or make my kids deal with that!

If it is a mental or personality disorder.....anyone have an idea of what??


uhtred is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #47 of 123 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 09:11 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 50
Re: Pushed until I told him to leave...and then he RAN FAST!

Well, I talked to his ex wife today too. I know ex's aren't the most reliable source.....however, everything she said seems to be exactly what I have/am experiencing.

He is a very broken man. I don't know what happened...I don't know why he is broken. But there is nothing I can do for him. I am working on the D papers this evening.

Sad....very very sad.
howdouknow is offline  
post #48 of 123 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 09:15 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 50
Re: Pushed until I told him to leave...and then he RAN FAST!

I feel like my heart has been racing for days...how do I calm down?? I know its over....I believe I have accepted that it should be over, that I am better off without him.... but the physical affects of the stress are still there. Heart is literally racing...
howdouknow is offline  
 
post #49 of 123 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 09:16 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 2,401
Re: Pushed until I told him to leave...and then he RAN FAST!

I didn't want to click "like", but do want to say that I think you are doing the right thing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by howdouknow View Post
Well, I talked to his ex wife today too. I know ex's aren't the most reliable source.....however, everything she said seems to be exactly what I have/am experiencing.

He is a very broken man. I don't know what happened...I don't know why he is broken. But there is nothing I can do for him. I am working on the D papers this evening.

Sad....very very sad.
uhtred is offline  
post #50 of 123 (permalink) Old 09-22-2016, 01:06 AM
Member
 
See_Listen_Love's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: NW European
Posts: 1,954
Re: Pushed until I told him to leave...and then he RAN FAST!

Quote:
Originally Posted by howdouknow View Post
I feel like my heart has been racing for days...how do I calm down?? I know its over....I believe I have accepted that it should be over, that I am better off without him.... but the physical affects of the stress are still there. Heart is literally racing...
Walk in nature? Relaxation exercises you are familiar with? Talking to other people? Finding a counselor or telephone help line?

God Creates out of Nothing. Wonderful you say. Yes, to be sure, but He does what is still more Wonderful: He makes Saints out of Sinners.

Soren Kierkegaard
See_Listen_Love is offline  
post #51 of 123 (permalink) Old 09-22-2016, 05:47 AM
Member
 
Lostme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Down South
Posts: 595
Re: Pushed until I told him to leave...and then he RAN FAST!

I think you need to pack up is belongings and send him a message that if they are not picked up at a certain time you will take his stuff to his parents house.

You are smart to get away from this guy, he sounds controlling, and when a person is controlling it gets worse as the relationship moves on.

Good luck, I think you are doing the right thing for you and your children.



You do matter!
Lostme is offline  
post #52 of 123 (permalink) Old 09-22-2016, 05:52 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 526
Re: Pushed until I told him to leave...and then he RAN FAST!

I found exercise really helped me finally exhaust my body so I could rest, or be less "alert" the whole time. Have you tried going for a run? Or doing something else physically demanding.
joannacroc is offline  
post #53 of 123 (permalink) Old 09-22-2016, 06:08 AM
Member
 
aine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Away and beyond in a hot place
Posts: 2,763
Re: Pushed until I told him to leave...and then he RAN FAST!

Quote:
Originally Posted by howdouknow View Post
Last post for now.....lol....

Today I texted him and said, "I am deeply sorry for any hurt, injury, or damage I have caused you. And I forgive you." The response about 30 minutes later was "Thank you." After all, there is nothing he might to apologize for....right??? I am hurt and sad, but I do forgive him, because I cannot hold onto that bitterness. But don't worry, I will be reading up on the 180 tonight. As difficult as it might be, I will not take him back. I will not ask him to come back, and I will not allow him back. Too much has happened. As good as things were in the beginning, they have been so horrible the last couple of months. The pain sucks right now, but I know my children and I are better off without him. I fully mourn the loss, and cry often. However I realize the loss is of a short lived fantasy. I will not miss the reality.
He sounds like a bit of a control freak. Good for you, standing your ground.
aine is offline  
post #54 of 123 (permalink) Old 09-22-2016, 08:23 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 50
Re: Pushed until I told him to leave...and then he RAN FAST!

Exercise is a good idea. Now to fit it into my schedule....

The D papers are filled out. I need to find someone to serve them. Hoping for Saturday.

During out conversation about his belongings, he stated that he does not want a divorce. I didn't address the comment but I was thinking What in the world goes on in this mans mind?? Does he really think I will just take him back after all of this? After not knowing where he has been for 17 days? NOT GONNA HAPPEN!
howdouknow is offline  
post #55 of 123 (permalink) Old 09-23-2016, 10:29 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 50
Re: Pushed until I told him to leave...and then he RAN FAST!

Divorce papers have been served. This feels awful. There has been communication for a couple of days again.

It just doesn't seem like this should be happening. There is nothing I can do though. Feeling super unsure of myself and this decision.

howdouknow is offline  
post #56 of 123 (permalink) Old 09-23-2016, 11:43 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 930
Re: Pushed until I told him to leave...and then he RAN FAST!

Quote:
Originally Posted by howdouknow View Post
I will not take him back. I love him. Or I loved who I thought he was. But there is no way I can live the way it was in the end or make my kids deal with that!

If it is a mental or personality disorder.....anyone have an idea of what??
Selfishness. Self-centredness. Psychopathy? Extreme hypocrisy?

Does knowing the name actually help you? Don't waste too much time and effort figuring this out unless there's a possible benefit to knowing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by howdouknow View Post
I feel like my heart has been racing for days...how do I calm down?? I know its over....I believe I have accepted that it should be over, that I am better off without him.... but the physical affects of the stress are still there. Heart is literally racing...
It's a stress response, and perfectly normal. Your life is undergoing an upheaval and things are uncertain, and your body is telling you to fight or flee and giving you the hormones to do either. Unfortunately neither response is appropriate to the situation. Breathe deeply, do things that relax you, and focus your mind on the next few steps you need to take to reduce the uncertainty.
Hopeful Cynic is offline  
post #57 of 123 (permalink) Old 09-24-2016, 11:33 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 50
Re: Pushed until I told him to leave...and then he RAN FAST!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopeful Cynic View Post
Selfishness. Self-centredness. Psychopathy? Extreme hypocrisy?

Does knowing the name actually help you? Don't waste too much time and effort figuring this out unless there's a possible benefit to knowing.
Not really except that I would like to learn from this awful experience.

I read up on psychopathy this morning. It was dead on! It helps explain why things went bad so fast. Once I wasn't playing his game, I became useless to him so he moves on to start scouting out the next victim. If it would have gone how he wanted and expected the 'relationship' would have lasted longer as he continued to control and manipulate me while destroying me.
howdouknow is offline  
post #58 of 123 (permalink) Old 09-24-2016, 12:25 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: The Burbs
Posts: 411
Re: Pushed until I told him to leave...and then he RAN FAST!

Quote:
Originally Posted by See_Listen_Love View Post
The only comfort I can give you is that I have seen many threads where the combined effort of many posters trying to help will make you being better of then before. Keep faith!
People giving advice can't make a person better. They can only guide a person towards taking steps that improve themselves.
caruso is offline  
post #59 of 123 (permalink) Old 09-24-2016, 11:27 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 50
Re: Pushed until I told him to leave...and then he RAN FAST!

Why do I let him get to me!!!? I took a load of stuff up to where he has storage unit today. I had reason to believe he wouldn't be there, so I was just going to drop it off. However, I was wrong...he was there having a "garage sale" out of the unit. And stupid me, instead of driving by, I stopped. This is the first time I have seen him since Sept 5th. I asked him to talk to me. I asked him if he wanted a divorce. He said no. I asked him why he ignored me for a week solid....he said cause he didn't want to talk to me. I asked why he won't talk about the marriage and he said he refuses to talk to me while I am extorting him with his belongings. Which I am not...I am trying to get it back to him, but he rarely responds to me so it makes arrangements rather difficult.

A little background...H had been using a truck that belongs to my oldest son. The thought was that H could probably just have the truck because son doesn't need it. However, H never put the truck into his name. When H left, he left the truck here. Son was in an accident and his daily driver is not driveable. SO 5 days after H left, son asked if he could take the truck with him. H was not communicating with me AT ALL, so I told my son to take his truck home since he needed it and H didn't seem to need it or want it.

Now...H is extremely mad that son took the truck home (he lives about 2.5 hours away). H compared the importance of our marriage to the ownership of the truck. Saying if I cannot uphold the agreement about the truck, then why should he believe that I would uphold our marriage vows that are just a piece of paper. Is that messed up??? Or am I the one who is wrong here?

Anyways talking certainly DID NOT WORK. He continues to blame EVERYTHING on me. He says it might have been wrong to ignore me for a week, but it's his right to decide if he wants to talk to me or not. I guess it is his 'right' but it's not acceptable in a marriage imo.

Just so frustrated that he doesn't care. I don't understand. Maybe I'm not supposed to.

Last edited by howdouknow; 09-24-2016 at 11:38 PM.
howdouknow is offline  
post #60 of 123 (permalink) Old 09-25-2016, 12:49 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 2,401
Re: Pushed until I told him to leave...and then he RAN FAST!

Honestly, in a lot of ways its better that he is being unreasonable when you talk. It just acts as a reminder that you are doing the right thing. If he wanted to make it seem difficult he would apologize and actt reasonable - for now.

I think its best if you minimize your interactions with him.

You are absolutely doing the right thing.
uhtred is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome