I have been sharing my story in the general discussion area for months now. Two weeks ago she left me, which qualifies as a seperation.
We started MC Saturday as she had second thoughts after leaving, but her 10% efforts to help repair are now like 1% with her living with her sisters family.
All and all I am taking the blame for a MLC and she exhibited the Walk Away Wife Syndrome to the tee. I am not saying I do not have faults, but my biggest is likely being a nice guy which certainly did not help her feelings for me.
I would welcome thoughts on how to move forward. I am doing the 180 best I can. Have failed several times as my heart and love for her got in the way. As I see it now she claimed to the MC that she wants to repair the marriage, but her actions come up short.
She no longer is wearing her wedding band, which sends a signal to me and to others of not being interested in her current marriage.
And she continues to take more stuff to her sisters.
I am receiving mixed signals and would be interested to hear thoughts on dealing with this. My heart wants to believe there is hope, but my gut is saying prepare for failure of this marriage. All the work and effort I could do will not help her.
Dude...just gotta ride this out and do the 180 for yourself. It's only been 2 weeks. My husband didn't see the light for almost 3 months.
Or...file papers. Either decision you make, it will be a rough road.
Sucks.
I know, I know. Although it has been almost 10 months of shock of hearing the D word and over a year of her lost feelings for me. Just got to stay with the 180.
Yea, and it does suck...then one day, it doesn't suck anymore.
But do yourself a favor and get your guitar working or buy a new guitar. Get that piano (even though I know they're expensive) and just get busy with music. It's good for the soul....AND a boy playing guitar is sexy as hell LOL...start tuning that skill
Yea, and it does suck...then one day, it doesn't suck anymore.
But do yourself a favor and get your guitar working or buy a new guitar. Get that piano (even though I know they're expensive) and just get busy with music. It's good for the soul....AND a boy playing guitar is sexy as hell LOL...start tuning that skill
You know just what to say. OK then! I am on a mission.
See! Pour yourself into something EXCITING and not into your wife, who clearly doesn't deserve it. It's a good mission to have. Music is food for the soul. Do it. Make it your music room. Excited for you!!
I have MC in about 3 hours and am very tired from lack of sleep last night. I get a bit edgy and fear I may not hold up the 180 so well. Hopefully acknowledging this now will help me.
I have to tell you I believe I screwed up again. I promised to pick her up at the train station, take her to dinner, then to MC and then back about 1/2 hour out of the way where she is living now.
I am feeling not only tired, but like a complete failure of the 180.
Just got back from the MC. I like her. She focused most of her questions on the WAW. As bad as the WAW tried to make our fights sound, I think the MC picked up that they must not be that bad. She even commented at the end that we seem to have a better than average foundation to build on.
The more I hear and have been able to step back and observe, the more I believe she is dealing with a MLC and I just was an easy target to blame her unhappiness on. I would never say I am a perfect guy, certainly did not hear her crys from deep within, but when I look back on our lives over the past decade and more, it was a very good marriage and not the stories she is telling today.
Having trouble getting good sleep. Woke at 3 am and could not get back to sleep. Even took a Benadryl at bedtime. Oh well, this too shall pass.
After the session last might it has become even more clear that I need to move on with my life. My hope is diminishing that she will find our marriage is worth saving. Her leaving and the revisionist stories that I have been hearing with the MC are certainly being told to her family and friends and may be too damaging to repair. I noticed some of her family de-friended me on FB.
I sense I am starting to accept that I need to move on, but hold on loosely as the song says. I been the one that believed the glass was mostly full in our relationship, but seeing her talk about how her glass is mostly empty is now making mine spill.
Was just thinking of some of the things said last night at MC. She was putting down The Marriage Fitness book as too demanding with having to call or email 5 times a day (really only 3 and I only asked for 1) to check in and say hi. I have saved the emails she had with her coworker, 10 year younger taller and in her words interesting ex baseball player. She was emailing him 8 times a day on some days, but did not have time to send me 1 according to her.
Was just thinking of some of the things said last night at MC. She was putting down The Marriage Fitness book as too demanding with having to call or email 5 times a day (really only 3 and I only asked for 1) to check in and say hi. I have saved the emails she had with her coworker, 10 year younger taller and in her words interesting ex baseball player. She was emailing him 8 times a day on some days, but did not have time to send me 1 according to her.
Sounds like she may be having an EA, most women won't leave the security of a marriage without having a backup plan (exit affair).
If you are wearing your ring, take it off. I would also cancel MC sessions because I have never seen MC save a marriage. Most WAW go to MC to look like they are trying but its all a front. You might do IC to get your head clear but I can tell you right now what you are doing isn't helping.
If there's a snowball's chance in hell of a R, it will be from her chasing you down after you gave up on her. You can't "nice" them back, all that ends up doing is pushing them away.
Tell her you are done, that you will file for a divorce and for now on all communication will only be for dealing with the details. Don't contact her and ignore any non-vital contact from her and don't respond to personal stuff. Being in limbo does not benefit you, all it does it postpone her from dropping the bomb on you. Start taking control back and making decisions for yourself instead of waiting on her. Right now she is not into R so move on and see if she tries to stop you down the road.
Its going to look "rude" from her point of view but its necessary for her to see how life is going to be without you in it as her safety net. When the reality of you being gone forever hits her in the face she will have a wake up call. The best thing you can do now is throw in the towel and give up. Ironically, that's when they usually start to come around.
Time to move to this section 
Sucks.
Excited for you!!
