The fight, I'm so tired... - Page 2
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 11-29-2011, 09:08 AM   #16 (permalink)
Member
 
Chaparral's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 9,067
Default Re: The fight, I'm so tired...

You don't mention why WW left.

However, it does take time for the heart and brain to get on the same page again. When it does you are not going to look at your ex without hoping she will just disappear. As her love acct. goes down ,her resentment acct will go up until it overcomes the feelings you once had for her.

Like when someone you know stabs you in the back no amount of apologies or forgiveness will ever erase the hurt. Some things just can't be taken back, even if it was all a fantasy.
Chaparral is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 11-29-2011, 10:31 AM   #17 (permalink)
Member
 
allthegoodnamesaregone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 276
Default Re: The fight, I'm so tired...

Quote:
Originally Posted by chapparal View Post
You don't mention why WW left.

However, it does take time for the heart and brain to get on the same page again. When it does you are not going to look at your ex without hoping she will just disappear. As her love acct. goes down ,her resentment acct will go up until it overcomes the feelings you once had for her.

Like when someone you know stabs you in the back no amount of apologies or forgiveness will ever erase the hurt. Some things just can't be taken back, even if it was all a fantasy.
I don't know why she left, but it appears to have been an EA/PA with a dash of MLC. She got heavily into World of Warcraft and I think she met someone via that. I got the standard speech "I've not been happy for a while" with no specifics, meanwhile my access to her computer (We'd had access to each others) was suddenly blocked .

I know she was not real happy with her job, but made little effort to find something else, even though I fully supported her desire to try something else. On the home front I had a home office and did more the 50% of chores and dealing with the kids. I never cheated or abused her in any way. Other than us not being able to get away on our own and money being tight sometimes we had no serious issues I'm aware of. I think it was a case of her fearing getting older and her life was not turning out like she'd hoped, so she bailed out. It's been four months and she's still not told anyone I'm aware of what her issues were/are.
allthegoodnamesaregone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2011, 02:07 PM   #18 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2
Default Re: The fight, I'm so tired...

Quote:
Originally Posted by chapparal View Post
However, it does take time for the heart and brain to get on the same page again. .
Boy oh Boy! I wish this would be faster. I'm only separated 18 days. I've already started IC and the main reason was to get my heart and head on the same page.

Please fast forward to that!!!!
scared and sad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2011, 02:52 PM   #19 (permalink)
Member
 
allthegoodnamesaregone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 276
Default Re: The fight, I'm so tired...

Quote:
Originally Posted by scared and sad View Post
Boy oh Boy! I wish this would be faster. I'm only separated 18 days. I've already started IC and the main reason was to get my heart and head on the same page.

Please fast forward to that!!!!
It's a process you have to go through, and it's h&ll for the most part. I know I lost 22lbs in the first three weeks, the only positive thing about it.... You are going to hit levels of deep despair, anger, numbness, disbelief and betrayal that test your limits. I'm just coming out of the other side coming up to five months, but the roller coaster can hit anytime, a song on the radio, an old love letter at the back of a drawer, a call from a friend who didn't know you'd split up etc. I wouldn't wish this s*&t on my worst enemy.
allthegoodnamesaregone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2011, 03:42 PM   #20 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Russian Federation-USA+Studio City
Posts: 86
Default Re: The fight, I'm so tired...

I know its easier to say but your marriage failed, but you didn't. Look more on a positive side you have kids, I am sure they love you. I haven't seen my wife for 1 month, if she was willing to leave me our son. I would be the happiest man. Every time I spend time with my son I have more fun then I had with my wife. Not seeing my son in the morning is the hardest part, not seeing my wife is the best part.
__________________
Ability is what you're capable of doing...
Motivation determines what you do...
Attitude determines how well you do it.
LexusNexus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2011, 03:45 PM   #21 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2
Default Re: The fight, I'm so tired...

Quote:
Originally Posted by allthegoodnamesaregone View Post
It's a process you have to go through, and it's h&ll for the most part. I know I lost 22lbs in the first three weeks, the only positive thing about it.... You are going to hit levels of deep despair, anger, numbness, disbelief and betrayal that test your limits. I'm just coming out of the other side coming up to five months, but the roller coaster can hit anytime, a song on the radio, an old love letter at the back of a drawer, a call from a friend who didn't know you'd split up etc. I wouldn't wish this s*&t on my worst enemy.
Thank you for the comments, they are so true. It is good to know I'm not alone. I have already lost 10 pounds, food just doesn't mean anything anymore, when I do eat I try to eat healthy at least.

We've been married 27 years, right out of high school. I love country music and can't even listen to it now. Prefer the funk cr@p because it usually makes no sense! LOL We have a motorcycle that I love to ride with him; can't stand to look at it in the garage. I've lost both my parents during our marriage and not very close to my two brothers; so his family is truly my family. I don't know how they're going to react nor do I have the energy to deal with it right now.

Used to like roller coasters - not so much now! I want off this ride.

I wish you well in your situation, too.
scared and sad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2011, 05:12 PM   #22 (permalink)
Member
 
This is me's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,565
Default Re: The fight, I'm so tired...

Quote:
Originally Posted by scared and sad View Post
I love country music and can't even listen to it now. Prefer the funk cr@p because it usually makes no sense! LOL .
LOL. This just cracked me up.

I remember in the first week turning on the radio to hear " She's gone" by Hall & Oats to be followed up by "Can't we still be friends" by Todd Rundgren. I could only laugh.

Then we went to lunch this weekend at a Chinese restaurant and when the fortune cookies came, hers had no fortune and mine said something like "New relationships are in your future". I had to laugh even in this very sad situation.
This is me is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2011, 07:00 PM   #23 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 550
Default Re: The fight, I'm so tired...

I am divorced 5 months now, living in my own apt since August and it's been a heck of a ride. Up, down and sideways. Some days are just fine and then some days the s_ _ _ has hit the fan and I am so sad.

This is tough, there are other words and they all fit.

I can't wait to start school I have had enough down time.

We all will get through this and be stronger for it, and then we will be ready for a new relationship if that is what is meant to be. But we have to heal first. Work and time.
Sparkles422 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2011, 10:32 PM   #24 (permalink)
Member
 
hesnothappy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: L.A.
Posts: 529
Default Re: The fight, I'm so tired...

My lousy albeit nice H snuck out 8 months ago and left me devastated ;o( But with prayer and time, I see a plus in his decision. I will never be glad that my marriage didn't work out, I would be lying if I said I am still sad about it. I am back to doing me totally and it feels good.
__________________
Lexusv

Last edited by hesnothappy; 11-30-2011 at 09:20 AM.
hesnothappy is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Sick & tired of being sick & tired - verbal abuse & anger issues AL8 Considering Divorce or Separation 5 01-04-2013 03:16 PM
Tired of Being Tired- Physically AND Emotionally! WhatToDoNow? General Relationship Discussion 12 09-07-2012 07:28 PM
I'm tired Boss, just so tired. lickitesplit Considering Divorce or Separation 15 05-15-2012 08:13 AM
Tired of fighting the same fight... I don't know what to do... BarefootHope Relationships and Addiction 1 11-14-2010 09:09 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:18 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage