Hello I got divorced several years ago and at the time I was completely demoralized and even suicidal at times and made bad decisions. My exwife cheated on me and filed so many motions that by the time we got in front of the judge the last time I had no money and no faith in my attorney because she got so many orders in her favor during the previous court appearances and he just kept postponing and delaying to work on other cases that were more important than mine.
So I went that last time pro se meaning no attorney and signed an agreement that my ex and her attorney said was fair and the basic agreement that everyone signs when they get divorced. I didn't really question it and to be honest didn't even read the whole thing because I had to get back to work I was already in trouble for missing so many days. I was under an extreme amount of pressure from my job and could not take another day off. I admittedly did not read the entire document as I was told it was a standard agreement by my ex wife. It says specifically "husband shall be barred from making an application to reduce or terminate alimony based on any future cohabitation and wife shall be barred from making an application based upon husbands cohabitation"
Ive been paying about $48,000 per year since the divorce even though she is living with the guy she cheated on me with. They moved in together the same day we got divorced or right around then. The agreement states that alimony will go up as the children become emancipated so my ex will get in excess of $48,000 until death of either me or her and cannot be eliminated or reduced even if one of us cohabitates or marries.
I was making about $130k until I lost my job last month with little prospects of employment for the near future I have sent out dozens of resumes but no one is hiring old timers like myself.
After losing my job I filed a motion again pro se to modify the alimony and I was shocked when the at the last court appearance, the judge stated although the PSA is "inequitable" and benefited my ex 100% and no benefit to me, since I signed it it was not subjected to modification. At the time I just wanted to be divorced and was missing too many days at work and had no money left for a lawyer so I just signed.
I begged my exwife to give me a break until I find work but she just sent me back a laughing smiley saying "Enjoy prison". She is so cold and heartless I cannot believe a woman I once loved would treat me this way.
I am begging and am desperate for help. I feel like I may have a nervous breakdown. Also she told my children I am a lousy father because I want to get out of paying her the money she is due and they aren't talking to me now.
Maybe because the most often thought they have is "A man who represents himself has a fool for a client."
Look... you screwed up. I understand why but there's not much you can do. Perhaps find a lawyer who would work for you pro bono, like a men's rights lawyer. Or, try to develop a better relationship with your ex (although her comment "enjoy prison" indicates that may be impossible).
I just read where you can't delete your own threads so please do not quote my post above or any others so I can put a dot instead of the words should the need arise.
Legally, you represented yourself and are fully responsible for your own decisions. The time to challenge the agreement based on it being signed under duress has long passed.
When you filed for a reduction in alimony and/or support, did you file for the reduction on grounds she was cohabitating and had a higher household income or on the grounds that your income has been reduced?
Well thank you for those responses but not very enlightening not that I expected much anyway it was mostly a vent.
Yes I KNOW I messed up.
Don't even know who to trust anymore in terms of attorneys they blow smoke up your behind and tell you what you want to hear and then it never happens.
They don't give free consultations in my area. Minimum = $300 and I cannot even believe what I am told from past experience.
I am in the negative these past few years I wasn't making the amount the support was based on and have gotten deeper in debt I am truly into the negative. Cannot afford an attorney and don't even know if they could help which is why I am asking for free advice.
Also I don't want to give my state because I read you can't delete your threads but lets say it's a state that still has not reformed it's laws and sometimes still gives lifetime alimony but after 10 years and not for LIFE it usually ends at retirement or at least is lowered same with cohabitation.
When I lost my job and begged her she said I'm telling the children you quit your job to get out of paying me. She hasn't even had a job even though the court said she must get a job of at leat $25k for which she is capable. She never even tried and the judge doesn't even address that.
You have to apply for a temporary reduction based on your unemployed status. The court may ask you to regularly submit a list of jobs you have applied to, so keep records.
MJJEAN- Thank you that is helpful I will look into doing that!
Although I have read sometimes the courts don't care they just say you are capable of earning it so find a way to make it otherwise say hello to your new jail cell mate.
You f*cked up once by not getting an attorney. You're still making the same mistake.
You're not just going to be able to walk in and fix this pro se. You're going to need procedural assistance with someone that knows the law and judges in your area and knows loop holes that can be exploited.
For someone that made $130K a year and was on the hook for 48 Effing thousand dollars a year you'd think you'd have much more sense than that to represent yourself and not read the most important document of your life.
This is why I tried coming here because I got tons of comments like yours other places.
I already said I know I messed up I was in a bad place emotionally, out of money, in trouble at work and my ex assured me the agreement was fair to both of us and I had no reason not to believe her.
I'll never make as much as I was making before in a related field. I don't want to say what I am trained in because I read you cannot always delete what you write if someone quotes it so lets just say that even in my current profession which I can't even find work in I was making less and there's nothing I can work at that would come close to what I was even making with the income reduction before I lost my job!
Hopeless I mean as far as a good job goes but maybe the courts will have mercy given that I signed an agreement that wasn't fair in the first place and it was a job less beyond my control.
The problem you are going to run into with getting help off TAM is that we live in different states with different rules so there isn't a universal answer on how to help other than get an attorney that knows the laws/loopholes in your state.
I understand that and all I can say is that its one of the states that still supports permanent alimony but it usually terminates with cohabitation or death of either spouse and my agreement specifically forbids that but I didn't realize it said that because I was promised by my exwife and her lawyer that the agreement followed state statutes and I believed them.
My state also is known to throw non payers into jail and doesn't care about whether they have a good reason (involuntary job loss).
To another poster- my exwife is LAUGHING at me when I ask her to give me a break.
Even though she lives with the guy and he works. It's like my money is for their entertainment after the bills are paid with his income and she just sits around all day watching daytime tv shows while I struggle to put food on my own table and stay out of jail.
Our hypothetical Former Husband is okay here because his income has decreased so drastically, he is struggling financially. He cannot pay his own bills and does not have access to any assets that he can use to satisfy the alimony payment each month. The best thing for the Former Husband at this time is to get this case to trial as soon as possible and present the evidence available to him to get his alimony payment modified. The alimony payment should be modified back to the date he filed his supplemental petition to modify. Meanwhile the Former Husband must deal with the uphll battle presented by the laws on alimony modification. Those laws can make it a nerve wracking time for the person that is truly in a bad situation through no fault of their own
Ok if it helps I am in New Jersey but I will delete this post and replace it with a . soon.
PLEASE DO NOT QUOTE IT
Thank you.
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