Taking back some power from wife

JAYBLACK973 · 11-28-2011, 11:58 PM

It is 6 months now that my Wife and I have been separated. I no longer have feelings of anger or resentment towards her, i just feel at peace. I stopped arguing with her via text, email or verbally over the phone. I feel like she has taken all the power and decision making away from me and i need to reclaim my self respect. She held on to things and was unable to forgive me for any hurt that i may have caused her. She still brings up things from 5 or 6 years ago. I changed my car insurance because she chose to move to Delaware and we lived in Jersey. I informed the insurance company that she lives in another state and they sent her a letter stating that her car needs to be registered in Jersey or she would have to get everything changed over to her new address. She called and asked me why i told the insurance company she lived in another state. Needless to say, they cancelled her insurance today. Recently my health insurance had open enrollment and i told my wife if she needs the insurance then she needs to fax a copy of our marriage certificate to them but she didn't. The deadline has come and gone, now she has no health or auto insurance. Its funny but i don't feel bad about it. I've tried so very hard to make things work and to just open up dialogue between us but she is just unwilling to forgive or change. I told her that on January second we will talk. That may very well be the day i am going forward with the divorce. I feel like i'm taking back some power and not letting her dictate how everything will go in this process. For the longest time i felt like she had all the power and i was just on a ride that i couldn't get off of.

nice777guy · 11-29-2011, 12:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JAYBLACK973

It is 6 months now that my Wife and I have been separated. I no longer have feelings of anger or resentment towards her, i just feel at peace. I stopped arguing with her via text, email or verbally over the phone. I feel like she has taken all the power and decision making away from me and i need to reclaim my self respect. She held on to things and was unable to forgive me for any hurt that i may have caused her. She still brings up things from 5 or 6 years ago. I changed my car insurance because she chose to move to Delaware and we lived in Jersey. I informed the insurance company that she lives in another state and they sent her a letter stating that her car needs to be registered in Jersey or she would have to get everything changed over to her new address. She called and asked me why i told the insurance company she lived in another state. Needless to say, they cancelled her insurance today. Recently my health insurance had open enrollment and i told my wife if she needs the insurance then she needs to fax a copy of our marriage certificate to them but she didn't. The deadline has come and gone, now she has no health or auto insurance. Its funny but i don't feel bad about it. I've tried so very hard to make things work and to just open up dialogue between us but she is just unwilling to forgive or change. I told her that on January second we will talk. That may very well be the day i am going forward with the divorce. I feel like i'm taking back some power and not letting her dictate how everything will go in this process. For the longest time i felt like she had all the power and i was just on a ride that i couldn't get off of.

I know its a lousy situation - but I think you've done the right things. Good for you!

"They" think they have all of this power over us - but sooner or later - real life (insurance, healthcare!) comes crashing down.

Glad to see you taking a stand. Good luck with whatever YOU decide comes next.

This is me · 11-29-2011, 06:12 AM

This is the reality I am facing right now. She is gone nearly a month now and I realized this weekend that she is holding all the power over me. I need to take my power back.

Last night we had back to back counseling sessions and were going to go out for a drink after. When I came out of mine, I told her I was going home instead. She suspected something and asked if everything was alright, I said yes and left it at that.

nice777guy · 11-29-2011, 08:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by This is me

This is the reality I am facing right now. She is gone nearly a month now and I realized this weekend that she is holding all the power over me. I need to take my power back.

Last night we had back to back counseling sessions and were going to go out for a drink after. When I came out of mine, I told her I was going home instead. She suspected something and asked if everything was alright, I said yes and left it at that.

This is me · 11-29-2011, 09:32 AM

She calls me this morning and asked again "Is everthing alright". Said yeah just tired with the work day. I think she knows me better. One of my questions this morning was are we doing the next one together or seperate. She told me without asking that we are doing a joint session, which means she is still on board.

nice777guy · 11-29-2011, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by This is me

She calls me this morning and asked again "Is everthing alright". Said yeah just tired with the work day. I think she knows me better. One of my questions this morning was are we doing the next one together or seperate. She told me without asking that we are doing a joint session, which means she is still on board.

That's good news. And that's the power of the 180!!!

Houstondad · 11-29-2011, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JAYBLACK973

It is 6 months now that my Wife and I have been separated. I no longer have feelings of anger or resentment towards her, i just feel at peace. I stopped arguing with her via text, email or verbally over the phone. I feel like she has taken all the power and decision making away from me and i need to reclaim my self respect. She held on to things and was unable to forgive me for any hurt that i may have caused her. She still brings up things from 5 or 6 years ago. I changed my car insurance because she chose to move to Delaware and we lived in Jersey. I informed the insurance company that she lives in another state and they sent her a letter stating that her car needs to be registered in Jersey or she would have to get everything changed over to her new address. She called and asked me why i told the insurance company she lived in another state. Needless to say, they cancelled her insurance today. Recently my health insurance had open enrollment and i told my wife if she needs the insurance then she needs to fax a copy of our marriage certificate to them but she didn't. The deadline has come and gone, now she has no health or auto insurance. Its funny but i don't feel bad about it. I've tried so very hard to make things work and to just open up dialogue between us but she is just unwilling to forgive or change. I told her that on January second we will talk. That may very well be the day i am going forward with the divorce. I feel like i'm taking back some power and not letting her dictate how everything will go in this process. For the longest time i felt like she had all the power and i was just on a ride that i couldn't get off of.

Wow. Your story sounds just like mine. Wife moved to another state. Currently is on my health & car insurance with no income. BUT, she was able to find work and starts next week. I plan to inform her it's time to get her own insurance. And jan 2nd is when I will start filing for divorce because my new open enrollment insurance will cover 75% of the lawyer fees!
It's good you are taking power back. It's very empowering and helps restore the self-esteem that was stripped away. Keep your chin up friend.

LexusNexus · 11-29-2011, 03:45 PM

The biggest power you can gain is to be happy. People hate when you happy (some people)

This is me · 11-29-2011, 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LexusNexus

The biggest power you can gain is to be happy. People hate when you happy (some people)

I agree. It is hard to act happy when your heart has been trampled on. If only there was a pill or an app for that!